Fundraising Update
I always like to start of my weekly reflections with gratitude to all of you who have so generously contributed to Dana Farber and the Marathon Challenge. It is this greater sense of purpose fueled by our collective consciousness and commitment that we can and we are making a difference that helps push me when I feel like I cannot take another step. As of today we have raised $8,725 to support cancer research. This is $225 more than we had last week. So I would like to express thanks to those of you who have joined our efforts. Each and ever bit helps. I like to think of us as a growing force asserting our strength standing strong in the face of cancer and shouting an emphatic “no more!”
I am someone who often thinks in metaphor. I will ask you to think with me about the power of our collective force and commitment with this as an example. As we look forward to the Super Bowl, I will use football as my metaphor. Imagine yourself in a crowded football stadium. You are shouting as loud as you can for your team. For those of us that are Patriots fans, imagine you are individually screaming “Go Pats!” In a sea of screaming voices, your individual voice may be hard to discern. Expanding this metaphor to life, this is why sometimes I think that we tell ourselves that our voice may not matter. We see our individual scream as a silent whisper. Or perhaps we convince ourselves that as one individual we cannot make a difference. Now, I would like you to imagine that as you shout “go Pats” other fans around you join in. As those sitting close to you join in, so do others sitting around your growing group. Before you know it, the entire section is screaming “Go Pats!” One section becomes two and then suddenly there is this powerful collective voice that echoes throughout the entire stadium, “”Go Pats!” In this same way, we become a collective financial force supporting cancer research. It is $5 from one person, $25 from another, $50 from another, and so grows our effort. Our voice becomes louder and louder. I thank you for helping to create a resounding roar, “cancer no more!”
Getting Out of My Own Way
Small steps, deep breaths and forget the rest. These are words I repeated in my head as I tackled some of the hills in Derry, NH last weekend. I am sure if you read my post last week, it is no surprise to read that I am glad that the Derry Boston Prep 16 Miler is behind me. I am pleased to report that the race went well. It was an incredibly difficult course. To be honest, it was probably the most difficult course I have ever run. It was an extremely cold New England January day. When the race began the temperature was in the single digits. When I got out of my car the temperature read 7 degrees. Of course, I could not complain, because my Dana Farber teammates had run the day before in the cold and in the middle of storm. I was glad to have met up Megan and Heather, who are two of my teammates who were also running the race. It really helped to ease the pre-race nerves. Heather and I actually ended up running together. It was great to have company on such a challenging course. Below is a picture of Heather, Megan and me.
The course traveled through winding and hilly picturesque roads of Derry that were covered with the newly fallen snow from the day before. When I was able to distract my mind from the slushy and icy pavement on which my feet carefully stepped in stride, I felt as if I were running through a Robert Frost poem in the same way that Mary Poppins was able to jump into a sidewalk painting. As I ran, I thought about the “Mending Wall” and “The Road not Taken” but mostly I kept thinking about how we often are the biggest obstacle to our own achievements. Honestly, I was afraid of this race and the hills. Once the race started, I really worked hard not to think about it. After all I was doing it. The hills and the course would be challenging enough. As we hit each hill, I realized that while the hill may rise before us, within us is this incredible force to face it, if we just get out of our own way. It is responding to the voice that screams “I do not think I have it in me to get up this hill” with, “I am stronger than I think I am.” One step, deep breaths, and forget the rest.” It also helps me to think of little Josh, for whom I am running and others I know who have or are struggling with cancer. They do not have the choice to not face the hill in front of them.
So this week my journey has taught me to get out of my own way. This is not easy to do, because we must first recognize the many ways we get in our own way. For me, it was recognizing that fear can paralyze my progress but only if I let it. It was also recognizing that I must work at pushing the capacity of what I think I can do because I am often the one standing in my own way. An example of this has been with my pace. I have always been a slow and steady runner. Some of this is because I have asthma and find it more comfortable to find a pace and stay with it. It was not until this past summer that finally ran a 5K under a 9 minute mile pace. In my head, I thought that I was simply a 9:30 minute miler and that was just fine with me. I worked this fall and tried to run under 2 hours for a half marathon. However, I always hovered a minute or so beyond the 2 hours.
The past few weeks this has changed. On our team runs I have run 12 miles and now 14 miles at a pace that is just under 9 minutes per mile. While I do believe that my conditioning has improved, I think the greatest change is that I started believing that I was capable of running under 9 minute miles. At first I looked at my watch and thought “oh no, I better slow down” and now I simply think “so what, I am running a little faster, I feel fine. I can do it. Keep at it.” I will add a disclaimer. I am not someone who is that concerned with pace. I really don’t care if I run a 10 minute mile or an 8:50 min/mile. It is how I feel that matters. I just have become very aware over these last few weeks that it is really important to first believe I can and to define my capacity as something that should be stretched, not static.
Pushing Capacity and Getting through the Wall
Yesterday on our group run we had a conversation that really exemplifies the idea of “getting out of my own way.” I think there were four of us running together when someone asked, “have you ever just bailed out on a race or hit the wall?” In this group was someone who has run 18 or more marathons and two of us had run at least one marathon. All of us have run a number of distances. It was interesting that without hesitation we all answered with a resounding “YES!” It was also interesting that as we shared stories, it did not have to be a marathon to experience hitting the wall. We had all been there. However, from our own different experiences we all had learned a similar lesson and that is sometimes when you hit the wall you experience your greatest strength. How is that for the power of paradox?
Distance running and running in general has taught each of us that there is a beyond the wall and even though there may be a point in a race or a run that we feel like we cannot go any further, our mind or “mental toughness” can help get us through the wall. It requires a sort of courage to work beyond feeling miserable and focusing on the possibility of feeling better on the other side. As I listened to my teammate’s stories, I was reminded that when faced with “our wall” whatever that may be, in running or in life we must first get out of our own way. We must recognize our doubt and fear but then be willing to suspend it and open ourselves to the idea that while we may feel like we hit the wall, sometimes we are our own wall.
I love these conversations when running because they serve as a reminder that the mind is a powerful force in anything that we do. This is not to minimize that sometimes the wall is physical. We must always listen to our bodies and make wise decisions about our health and safety when running or in life. This week, I have just become more aware of the many ways we can become our own obstacle and how complex the mind body relationship can be. So I will end there, with gratitude for all the support from my family, friends, and coworkers and for my teammates shared wisdom and experience. Collectively we are a powerful and growing force with many miles to go!
With Gratitude,
Kerry D
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