Week 11: Get Over It! Sometimes our Plans Don’t Match What Life Brings

Week 11 is officially done and this has actually been my lowest mileage week. It was really not by choice. After last weeks 20 mile run I ended up coming down with what I thought was a cold but it ended up being a sinus infection. Needless to say it was both frustrating and disappointing because I had actually taken this past week off from work to get some work done on a course I will be teaching this summer and to also get some running in outside during the week. Once again I was reminded that even with planning we are not always in control of things as much as we would like to be. While it was frustrating and disappointing, a sinus infection is not the worst of things for sure and at least I had taken the week of so I was able to get the rest I needed. So this week I only logged 13.1 miles and I did then all today during the Hyannis Half Marathon. The course was beautiful but I felt pretty horrible for the majority of the run. However, the good side was I was running with a friend from college-Annie G. Here is a picture of us after we finished and had changed.

Fundraising Update:

 As of today, $10,861 has been posted to my fundraising website. However, when I arrived home there was also an envelope waiting for me with another $250 check which places the total fundraising for this week to $11,111. It was so great to come home to a donation after a very challenging run. I love when these reminders appear and bring me back to why I am running!! This means we are $1,989 dollars away from the new goal of $13,100. Can we raise another $2000 in 49 days? Well, if I finished the race today with as bad as I felt, I would say “yes, it is definitely possible.”

So once again, I really just want to express my complete gratitude for the incredible generosity of so many friends, family, and supporters. This would not be possible without all of your support. We really are dreaming a world without cancer one mile and one donation at a time. I truly am so inspired by our collective conscious not only recognizing that we can make a difference, but bringing that awareness to action. We are one strong team-there is no doubt about that.

Sometimes our plans don’t match what life brings

 As I drove home from the Cape today, I kept thinking about what lingering thoughts I could possibly write about in my blog this week. After all, today I felt like a big wimp today. However, I am a firm believer that there is a lesson to be extracted from even not so great runs which I am discovering because lately I have had more “not so great runs.” I am so due for a good one soon.  I didn’t actually do that bad for me in the half marathon. My time was 2:04:15 which translates into a 9:29 minute mile. This is a good pace and actually what I often run at for a longer distance. However, today was a very sloppy run for me and it was more how I felt. I was all over the place. I felt horrible for most of it and probably had to stop about 6 times in the second half because I actually kept feeling dizzy. I think this was a result of not being hydrated enough and having been sick. Perhaps the antibiotic was also playing a part. Who knows?  So if my week was disappointing because I did not get the running and work done that I wanted to, today’s half marathon was the frosting on the cake.

I do always try to look at things from a place of gratitude and this week certainly needs a bit of re-framing. First, I was sick this week but I was able to be sick and to rest. I was fortunate to have taken the week of anyway. I am also fortunate to access to health care and to the medicine that I needed to get better. Also, feeling terrible while running a half marathon that is looking at the scenic Atlantic Ocean is also not a bad thing. So what? I had to stop a bunch of times. I didn’t break 2 hours like I would have expected after all the training I have been doing but I had the opportunity to run with a friend from college who was very patient with me. I was really not a fun person to run with today. Thanks Annie G! Next week will be better for sure!

Get Over It

As I drove home from the Cape the lingering lesson for me this week was -get over it! Life does not always happen as we plan it. The more time we spend frustrated about it the more we remain in our own way. It is actually pretty freeing when we can simply accept that things are not always what we expected or hoped for because then we can actually appreciate what actually transpired. It is really amazing what re-framing can do. Suddenly I found myself in a place of feeling proud of my sloppy run. After all, I was not feeling well and I still managed to get out there and run a half marathon and to keep at it even though I felt horrible. I will add the disclaimer that I did stop when I did not feel well because I also recognize there is a fine line between pushing through something and not making wise choices. I think I balanced this line pretty well today. The only thing that I really would do differently is to have carried my own water bottle. This way I could have kept hydrated better.

I am looking forward to getting back to work and a week of feeling stronger. I will gladly get my miles in this week and I look forward to Stu’s 30K race in Clinton next Sunday. This is a very hilly and challenging course and I will be ready for it! Or as ready as I can be! I also end this week and look forward to next week filled with gratitude for our many successes on the fundraising front! We are really making such great strides and that is actually the driving force behind all this running. To think that we have passed 10K and are now less than 2K away from a total of $13.1K to support cancer research.  This is where the real progress is made. Enjoy the week!

With gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 10: Tired Legs and Labored Lungs meet a Relentless Spirit

It is hard to believe that it is already February. I must say that I certainly picked a great year to be training for the Boston Marathon. Who would have guessed that we would have 40 degree days in February? Although, I say that cautiously because the hearty New Englander knows that Mother Nature can change her mind at any time and remind us of life’s unpredictability. So, for today I will simply appreciate the warmer weather that has made training easier, and at times, even enjoyable. However, I will also be ready for whatever may come our way because in New England anything is possible. As of today I have logged 283.1 training miles since December 12, 2011.

Fundraising Update

Each week when I post, I feel as if I lament about how “tough” the week has been. I am not going to do that this week. Quite simply, it is supposed to be tough. Training for a marathon and raising $13, 100 is not a small undertaking. So yes, it has been another “tough” week but it was also a week of major milestones in our effort to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal- “a world without cancer” so I am really seeing the fruits of our labor.  This week we passed the $10,000 fundraising goal and I logged my first 20 mile run!

Below is a picture of me with Chris Dubuc at our Dana Farber team run this past Sunday! Thank you to Chris and his mom Sandy for being out there supporting us while also honoring Matty. When I see the Dubuc Family, I cannot help but be inspired to want to do more, run longer, or suck it up when I need too (which is on most long runs). Perhaps it is because of their incredible strength in all that they have endured and continue to endure and the way they enter each day with such a deep commitment to honoring Matty while working relentlessly to make the world a better place for others. I am sure I am not alone when I say that when I see them I hear “Don’t Stop Believing” in my head. So a very special thank you to the Dubuc family for your inspiration!

This week I was so incredibly excited to see that we not only met my initial goal of $10,000 but that we are well on our way to reaching my double stretch goal of $13,100. When I say “double stretch goal” I mean that initially I felt $10K was a stretch. I was not sure how we would get there, but like running a marathon where you train mile by mile, with fundraising, it is your generosity one donation at a time that is bringing us to our goal.  WOW!! As of today, $10,661 has been posted to my fundraising page. This is $851 dollars more than last week when I posted. We are just $2,439 away from $13,100. As I look at these numbers I feel the same way I did when I was running the hills of Newton yesterday. I ask myself, “Can we really do this?” I pause, take a deep breath and tell myself “yes” and with a steady and sometimes slowed to almost a stopped stride, I put one foot in front of the other. I don’t always know how I am going to get there, but I can say with great confidence, we will get there. So thank you to each and every one of you that is helping to make this possible!! Collectively we are making great strides towards a world without cancer and in the process we are honoring the many loved ones in our lives that have faced or are facing such a horrible disease.

The Passage of Time

Yesterday I ran the longest distance that I have run since 1995 when I ran the Boston Marathon as a bandit with my friend Beth and my cousin Meg. This was 17 years ago. This was also the year that my dear friend Matt (I am running in memory of his nephew Josh) and I graduated from college. I spent a great deal of time on the run yesterday thinking about the passage of time and was filled with gratitude for my family and friends who have been on this journey with me. Years certainly slip by. I kept thinking that the first time I ran the marathon was 20 years ago. How can that be? I will also add the disclaimer that after 1995 I did not run regularly until 2010.

 It is amazing how much has changed since then. I remember training in weather that would keep most inside. We did not have the luxury of dry fit clothing. We kept warm by wearing garbage bags underneath our heaving cotton turtle necks and sweatshirts. However, when we finished our runs we had icicles on our eye brows and our faces were chapped from the winter winds.  We did not have fancy fuel belts to carry water and other items we may need. I actually remember a training run when Beth and I were attempting 18 miles. We used old tube socks to hold our water bottles and then used a shoe lace to tie the sock around our waste. Fortunately, there were smarter engineers working on this over the last years because the sock did not work very well. I think we actually threw them away about a mile or two into the run. We were young and just ran dehydrated.

We also did not have iPods; a luxury that college students of today cannot fully appreciate. We had clunky walkmans which I either carried or wore around my waist in a fanny pack. When they came out with “auto reverse” this was a huge improvement because we would not have to flip the tape while we were running. We had the choice of having a cassette tape of a favorite band or making a mix tape by recording either from the radio when songs played or by taping a song from tape to tape. The first time I ran Boston I actually ran to Billy Joel’s greatest hits. Billy Joel’s music will always have a special place in my heart.  In fact, many days I listen to “Allen Town” on my way to the gym or before a run. There is something about the rhythm and cadence that says to me “its time to get to work.” It is also part of a very powerful memory and metaphor that has anchored much of my adult life-we can do anything if we are willing to put one foot in front of the other and move towards a goal.

 I loved Billy Joel but after 4 plus hours, I realized if I ran it again, I would need to have more of a variety. I loved making mix tapes. It could take an entire day to get the songs in the right order. In fact, I think it was in 1995 that I mapped out the course and actually tried to order the songs on my mix tape so they would play at a certain point in the marathon. For example, I wanted the song “I saw the sign” by Ace of Base to play as I passed the CITGO sign in Kenmore Square. This was a major undertaking because it was really a giant math problem. I had to figure the length of the song and factor in my projected pace all within the context of a 90 minute cassette tape which meant that I would hear each song several times. This added to the excitement of the marathon when songs actually fell when I wanted them to. I don’t remember how it all worked. I do know that “I saw the sign” came at the right time.

Today we have dry fit clothing. We have Ipods and cell phones. We have fuel belts. We have GU gel. As members of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team, we have amazing volunteers that have water stops every three miles on our training runs. It is a drastically different experience, however many of the lessons are the same.I can't help myself from imagining what my post would be like twenty years from now if cancer research is supported in the next twenty years in the same way advances in technology have been supported and funded over the last 20 years. Twenty years ago, I did not have a cell phone. Actually I did not have a computer. Today, my cell phone tells me where I am with GPS, allows people to send me messages via email, Facebook, and text messaging. I would have never thought that was possible. So I am confident that we must continue dreaming a world without cancer and keep working towards it. It only remains out of our reach if we believe it to be and if we are not willing to stretch.

When Tired Legs and Labored Lungs meet a Relentless Spirit

 My lesson this week is not a new one. In fact, it is one that I have learned and relearned throughout my life. It is the lesson that is echoed in the words of Phil Riley, “just don’t stop.” This week, I was reminded that running the hills in Newton is more than challenging. Especially when you arrive at the hills after you have already run 16 miles. On our training run we ran the hills out and back which meant we hit hills on the 10 miles out to Wellesley and then hit the famous hills of Newton including heartbreak hill as we will meet the on the day of the marathon.  

Training is supposed to be hard. However, I am reminded that it is not just the body that we are preparing for such a challenge. In fact, if I had to choose a strong body or a strong mind, I think I would go with the strong mind, especially, when hills are involved. Fortunately for me, we are training both our bodies and our mind. Anyone that has run the Boston Marathon or who has watched runners from the sidelines anywhere along the hills in Newton knows that this is a test of mind over matter. It is a place where many runners slow to a walk. This is ok. The importance is that you find a way to release the relentless spirit that keeps you going.

I believe that while we train to run a marathon, we are really training to run miles 16-26.2. For me, this has been a place where my most tired self meets my strongest self. My legs are tired, my lungs are labored, but my relentless spirit is just awakening. I am aware of her presence in the moment that my stride has slowed its stride or even slowed to a walk so I can catch my breath. I recognize my fatigue because my muscles are not sure they can carry me. My lungs are labored and feel like they are on overtime. However, my relentless spirit is awake and reassures me that even if I am walking bristly for a moment, I will return to running and I will not only get up the hill, I will find my way to the finish line in spite of my tired legs and labored lungs.

Fueled by a Greater Purpose

Running as a member of the Dana Farber Team cultivates a relentless spirit. After all, I am not running simply because I want to finish a marathon. I am running to honor a very special boy named Josh. He did not have a choice when faced with cancer. He simply faced it with his family and my dear friend Matt by his side. I am so inspired by their love, strength and courage-their relentless spirit- and my training and fundraising aims to honor them and their grieving hearts. I have also learned about so many others who have battled or who are battling with this horrible disease and quite honestly, I just feel so proud to be part of such an amazing team.  When I think of Cancer it mostly makes me feel powerless. Running with Dana Farber makes me feel strong. We are doing what we can and at the core of my being, I believe we are making a difference. We are not only dreaming a world without cancer, we are relentlessly pursuing it. I am not quite sure how we will get there but my relentless spirit tells me that step by step, mile by mile and dollar by dollar we will get there. A world without cancer is possible and we are doing what we can to make it happen. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 9: Sometimes We Need to Make Adjustments but there are No Shortcuts

Week 9 is officially behind me and let me just say this was a tough week. As I type that, I feel like that is a pretty consistent theme- “It’s tough.” This week, I really struggled to get the miles in and was not really feeling at the top of my game. I am very proud that while I struggled, I survived and quite honestly I believe I will be stronger because of it. Of course, the motivation of running for such a special and strong boy named Josh keeps me focused on our greater sense of purpose.  As I close out week 9, I have now logged 247 miles since December 12^th and 38 of those miles was this week. Wow! No kidding it was tough.  It is really a good thing that training is broken down into daily and weekly miles. It was just two short months ago that I sat here typing my first post. Had I thought too much about the actually enormity of what was in front of me, I think I would have been more overwhelmed. My “take away”-life is much easier when we break it into manageable steps.

Fundraising Update

As I type, we have raised $9810 with $9660 posted to my fundraising page. I have sent in two checks that have not posted yet. This is $350 dollars more than when I posted last week. So we are continuing to make great strides. I know I have said this before, but I am so incredibly grateful for all the support that I have received from friends, family and coworkers. You really help keep me going. After all, it is raising funds for cancer research that is the real purpose behind the madness of the miles. I will just share briefly and example of how much this helps. This morning I woke up early because I was going to be running 16 miles. When I woke, there was an email waiting for me. It read, “Congratulations you received a donation from…….” Here was my reminder of my greater sense of purpose. It moved me within moments from feeling like “I just want to get this damn run done” to “I am so excited to be running today because I am doing so much more than running.” So thank you to everyone who has already so generously contributed! I also want to encourage anyone that has not had a chance to contribute to think about doing so within the next two months. I really believe that we can reach $13.1K and to do so, we really need to stretch the boundaries of what we think we can do. All donations, both big and small help bring us closer.

Sometimes We Need to Make Adjustments

Running teaches me so much. I had high hopes of blogging more often in hopes of sharing my journey and experiences, but what time has demonstrated is that I can do this once a week. So I have tried to make my posts focus on an overall theme that emerged for me during the week. Week 9 has taught me that sometimes we need to make adjustments to our plans and more specifically to our training. However, adjustments do not mean shortcuts. I am someone that often thinks in both metaphor and in short stories so I will anchor this theme with a short story that a colleague shared with me during a meeting. This colleague was actually sharing a story that had been shared with her by a colleague who was retelling a story told by her pastor. Are you still with me? It is not important to know the origin of the story, other than it is one that has been retold because the meaning proved significant for a number of us this week. So, I too will retell it briefly.

The pastor explained to his congregation that he recently got a new car. This car was a standard, not an automatic. Now this pastor did not know how to drive a standard. I immediately connected with this story because my first “new car” was also a standard and I too did not know how to drive it when I first picked it up. He described the difficulty with trying to get the car to drive and as he told the story, he moved back and forth to motion the kind of bucking back and forth that takes place when you are not in gear. As my colleague was retelling the story, I had memories of being close to tears when I experienced this with my car because I felt as if I could not go anywhere. However, as the pastor continued on with the story, he explained that when he finally shifted it and it went into gear, things got smoother. This was like a magical “Ah ha” moment. The pastor’s telling of this story made the connection to life and how sometimes we feel we are not getting anywhere what we need to do is shift. Shift our place, perspective or perhaps our attitude.

This story stuck with me because this week I had to do quite a bit of adjusting with my running and most often I felt like I was not getting anywhere because I was so run down and quite simply, exhausted. Making adjustments is hard and I know that the image of bouncing back and forth in a standard really helped. Sometimes adjustments, even as slight as shifting a gear can make all the difference. So this week I decided to take Friday off from work as a rest day. I had not had a day off in a long time and my body was telling me that I needed it. Of course after making the decision to take Friday off to catch up on some rest, Mother Nature had different plans.

Our team run was scheduled for Saturday and all the weather reports were suggesting that we were going to have a snow storm. While I certainly appreciate the character building experience of running in challenging conditions, I was so run down that I did not think this would be helpful and perhaps could even move me from exhaustion to being sick. I did not want to chance it. So I made the decision to use my rest day on Friday as an opportunity to get in my long run. After all it was a beautiful day in the 40’s. I figured that this “little adjustment” would just mean that I would rest on Saturday.

I went out for a 16 mile run on Friday and even though it was a beautiful day; my body was not accepting this change of plans. I was incredibly tired as I ran and it was not a tired that I could push through, although, I did try. It was almost comical to look at my Garmin report after the run. Some miles were at an 8:20 min pace and others were at a 9:40 pace. It was almost as if I ran faster at times as a way to fight the fatigue yet I never felt like I was going fast. It more felt like the image of driving a standard without knowing how to shift. I felt like I was not going anywhere. Sometimes we need to listen to our bodies and this was one of those times.  I ended up cutting the run short and only logged 11.5 miles. This was really the wise thing to do because I really wasn’t sure if I had enough energy to walk the remaining 4.5 miles never mind running them. I was disappointed but once again I had to readjust my readjustment.

Saturday arrived and would you guess that when I woke, there was no snow. Go figure. I could have rested Friday and run with the team on Saturday. However, having logged 11.5 miles on Friday and not having actually rested, I did not attend the team run. This was a huge lesson for me in learning to adjust. Even when we have everything all mapped out, sometimes life has other plans for us. I rested on Saturday. I visited my beautiful Nephew which was a treat, but other than that I am not sure I accomplished anything. It was just the rest that I needed. However looming was the realization that I still had not logged a16 mile run.  

There are no Shortcuts

There are some weeks when less is more. This was not one of them. Next weekend I have a 20 mile run and quite honestly, I believe the long run is the most important one of the week. It is the run that not only tests our physical endurance, but more importantly our mental toughness. I was not sick and after a good night sleep on Saturday by Sunday morning I was feeling more rested. However, the price that I would have to pay for resting on Saturday would be running in single digit temperatures with strong winds and alone, or taking it inside on the treadmill otherwise know as the “dreadmill.” Neither is overly inviting. Some may think the treadmill is the easier of the two, while others would run in any conditions rather than be on a treadmill for that long.  I just think it is a different type of challenge. I choose to take it indoors because while it would certainly test my mental toughness running that long on a treadmill, I really did not think the cold air would be all that great for my asthma.

So today, I woke at 6am so I could properly hydrate. I arrived at the gym about 7:15am and was running by 7:30am. I was determined to log my 16 mile run. You do get a lot of funny looks when you run that long inside. In fact, I think there were 4 or 5 people that worked out on the machine next to me. I had to help myself get over the fact that I was making another adjustment by running inside. I kept thinking “maybe I should just go outside.” However, something told me to stick with my plan and run inside. I am so glad that I did.

The treadmill gave me an opportunity to really focus on keeping steady pace. It was getting it into the “right gear” which I hadn’t been able to do all week. Today I met with success-as boring as it was. The result was not feeling exhausted and I actually felt like I was holding myself back. Patience and persistence were my friends today.  I was only running about 10 seconds slower than I typically do, but this small adjustment made the world of difference. I also experimented with GU-gel which I now love and will be using on all long runs. Being on the treadmill also gave me the opportunity to really focus on so much that I don’t pay attention to when I am outside such as pace and stride. So I am glad with the choice I made and even more relieved that I have logged the miles.

The treadmill was an adjustment not a short cut. This week I had to make a number of adjustments, however I logged all my miles with a few extra. It may not have been as I planned but I have learned that sometimes making an adjustment or several can make all the difference in the world. I also learned that sometimes these adjustments get us to the proverbial finish line smarter and stronger but there are really no shortcuts.

In that same sense, there are no short cuts to dreaming a world without cancer. We cannot get there without research and research requires funding.  Recognizing this is what keeps my steps in stride and serves as the constant reminder of the importance of what we are doing by raising funds to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal-a world without cancer. There are no short cuts. It requires our collective efforts and support. Thank you for being on this journey with me. We are dreaming a world without cancer and step by step, mile by mile and dollar by dollar someday we will get there.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 8: Staying the Course in the Face of Doubt

Refueling at mile 15. 5 with some gatorade and words of encouragement from Steve. Thanks Steve!



As I finished our 18 mile Dana Farber team run yesterday, I realized that week 8 of my marathon training is behind me. This means as I enter week 9, I am officially at the halfway point in my training. WOW! Since December 12, 2011, I have run 209 miles. Some of these miles have been pure joy while honestly others have been close to unbearable. Sounds like life doesn’t it? As I train, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I try to embrace and appreciate moments of joy and when confronted with that which seems unbearable, I call on an inner strength that is fueled by our greater purpose-dreaming a world without cancer. When I feel like I cannot go anymore, I ask myself, can you give just a little bit more? My answer is always preceded by a deep breath and followed with a less than confident, yet still a “yes.” Before I move to my thinking this week, I want to bring the focus to our greater sense of purpose and that is fundraising for a world without cancer.

Fundraising Update

As of today we have collectively raised $9,460. This is $735 more than when I posted last weekend. I cannot begin to express my complete gratitude to all who have supported this effort. Our collective donations are growing into a powerful statement in support of cancer research. It is such a reminder of the power and possibility that exists when people come together to share the responsibility of not only dreaming a better world but making one.  As someone who has never been involved in fundraising  at this level before, I cannot begin to tell you the support role you play in helping me to “stay the course in the face of doubt” in my training. After running 209 miles over the last 8 weeks, I have to admit I get tired. There are days that I don’t feel like running. However, it seems that without fail when I experience these moments, I get an email notification that someone has made a donation to Dana Farber and my marathon challenge. It is the strongest reminder of the importance of what we are doing. It is like a shot of b-12 and I am ready to lace up my sneakers.

I will share with all of you that we are so close to my initial goal of $10,000; however those of you that know me, also know that I am someone that likes to push the capacity in all that I do. I am cautiously confident that we will hit the $10K and while I am so excited about that, what is brewing in my mind is that the next fundraising milestone is $13.1K which represents a half-marathon. I find myself doing the same thing I do when I run and feel like I am close to hitting a goal, I ask myself, “can you do a little more?’ I take a deep breath, and respond with a less than confident, but still a “yes.” As the expression goes, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” So over the next months I will continue to reach out to see if I can get more people to support our efforts an push the capacity of our goal. If you have not yet made a donation, I would ask that you consider doing so over the next few months. Remember, donations of any amount help fuel the cause and bring us one step closer to a world without cancer. I also ask anyone that is reading this to ask anyone you may know that would be willing to support such an important effort. Please know how much I appreciate all your support. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Staying the Course in the Face of Doubt

The last two weeks of training have been extremely challenging for me. I work at a university and the start of school is always incredibly hectic. It is so wonderful to have students come back from break and to have the campus feel so alive. However, this increased intensity at work made it incredibly difficult to get in all the miles without feeling absolutely exhausted. Like most training weeks, I did not think of more than one day at a time. Life is so much more manageable this way. Although I must admit there were days that I was not sure Sunday (my rest day) would ever come. So as I sit and reflect this week the concept of ‘staying the course in the face of doubt” seems fitting.

For me, ‘staying the course in the face of doubt” is sticking to something even if you feel as if there is no end in sight. It is having the ability to believe in the presence of doubt. It is being confronted with your most tired, weary and surrendering self and calling upon an inner strength that resists and defies your body’s physical responses by simply putting one foot in front of the other and going just a little bit further than you think you can. It is recognizing that raising thousands of dollars and training for a marathon is supposed to be hard. The pains of today are experienced in progress tomorrow.  At least that is what I kept telling myself as I ran the hills in Waltham, Massachusetts yesterday. When my ugly self would raise her head, and she certainly did on yesterday’s run, I would ask myself, ‘can you endure just a little more for a world without cancer?” My answer is always preceded by a deep breath and followed with a less than confident, yet still a “yes.”

Most people that run have experienced their ugly self and I am sure many of you who don’t run may have experienced this too. I like to call this ugly self, Doubt. For me it is entering a space when I feel as if I have hit a wall. I am physically tired and my mind and body enter a great debate as to whether I can get over or around this wall. My muscles scream at my mind saying “hello, we are tired. We just rain 16 miles of hills. It is time to rest.” Doubt questions, “can I really do this?” My mind works relentlessly to control the physical responses with all of the tricks I have learned. I focus on small steps and forget the rest. I tell myself I am going to run one song at a time. I focus on the things for which I am grateful. I tell myself that I run for a greater purpose and there is an end even if it seems out of reach. I repeat slogans such as ‘just don’t stop,” “I am stronger than I think I am, “My reserve tank is still not empty,” and “I manufacture my own energy.” All of these things work for a while. However, there is this space where the ugly self emerges and joins forces with my tired body. Doubt is incredibly powerful especially when accompanied by tired legs and a mind that has been weakened by debate.

It is here that this journey and “staying the course in the face of doubt” becomes so much greater than the mind and body for me. While many talk about the mental toughness required for endurance sports such as marathons, I also believe that this mental toughness it is deeply spiritual. For me it is entering a space that recognizes while I feel like there is no end in sight, I still believe there is and end in sight. It is a sort of surrender but not to doubt or to tired muscles, it is to surrender to faith that I am strong even if I don’t feel like it and I will finish. This is also deepened by the greater sense of purpose in what we are doing as members of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. The volunteers on our team runs also reinforce this with their incredible support, words of wisdom and simple reminders when we need it of why we are running. We could not do it without them and we could not do it without our friends, family and supporters. We are not simply training for a marathon (which is not a simple task); we are training to make the world a better place- a world without cancer. So when I ask myself, “can you do a little more?’ I take a deep breath, and respond with a less than confident, but still a “yes.” Week 9, bring it on!

With Gratitude,

Kerry D