Fighting Cancer: If not me, then who? If not you, then who?

It is not secret that this year training has been challenging for me. I have really been struggling with getting in all the miles because like so many of my teammates, family members and friends-our days are filled with so much and our to-do lists are growing faster than we can cross tasks off the list.  We work too many hours. We fill our calendars with more than should be squeezed into a 24 hour period. We do the best to make it all work and expect that it should. In fact, many of us live as if there are more than 24 hours in a day and when we struggle, we wonder why? I am happy to say that while not perfect, this week was better. I logged almost 30 miles this week. Getting back to our team runs after the holidays was the reminder that I needed. We run to raise funds to fight cancer.  As challenging as it is, it is one of the most important things I do. 

Team Matty- One of my greatest reminders

Fundraising Update:

This week has been a strong fundraising week. I am $1150 more than I was a week ago and have now raised $4425.  This means I am now $10,575 away from my goal of $15,000. I am so very appreciative of all the support I have received. I will also share that I received an incredibly generous $1000 donation from one of my dearest anonymous friends. This is my largest donation this year and I am incredibly grateful at this unbelievable level of commitment and support. I am in awe! Each and every dollar brings us a step closer to our collective goal. So whether you can donate $5 or $1000 it all makes a difference. So thank you for your continue support at whatever level you can! It is so appreciated and will be put to such great use. 

If not me, who?

Fighting Cancer is why we run. It is that simple. I think many people would be surprised how many of us would not be running this far and in this cold, if it were not for this unifying sense of purpose-fighting cancer. It is true, I, like many of my teammates do not love to run for hours in the cold temperatures of New England. We do it because it allows us to make a difference. The fight against cancer is not an easy one. It is a long road and demands a sustained commitment. We log miles each week to fuel the fight with our feet and our fundraising. After the 18 weeks of training and fundraising, it is a collective five million dollar difference. So we run even though it is hard and we ask for donations even though we know money may be tight. This is not someone's battle to fight. It is all our fight. 

My inspiring teammates who logged 16 miles with one purpose-fighting cancer

 When I get up early on a Saturday morning after a long work week to go run 16 or more miles in the freezing cold, I do find myself asking, “Why do I do this?” It does not take long and I am very quickly reminded of the many people for whom my teammates and I run. I see pictures of my friend Matt’s nephew Josh or Matty Dubuc. I am reminded of the Dubuc Family (team Matty) who will be also facing the cold to make sure we have water, gatorade and gummy bears. I am reminded of all my family, friends and co-workers who have been impacted by cancer and who have lost love ones and for the many who continue to fight the good fight. I am reminded of the five people whose names were on the back of my shirt when  I ran last year and who were also alive and who have since lost their battle with cancer. I am reminded of my teammates who are cancer survivors and who join me to run in the cold because they can and because they are not finished fighting cancer even though they are now cancer free. I am reminded of how devastating a disease cancer is and the many lives it touches of those whom I do not even know.

 In the midst of what feels like despair, I am also reminded that possibility exists when cutting edge research at Dana Farber is funded. It is here where possibility becomes probable in the distant future. Then my rhetorical question of “Why?” is answered with another question, “if not me, then who?” It is here I am reminded that we all have responsibility to make the world a better place. Change begins with me and with each and every one of us. If we accept the responsibility for making the change we must act. Training for the marathon and making this a priority for 18 weeks per year is hard. It is incredibly hard.  I will not sugar coat it. It is a huge demand on time and is physically demanding. However, it has allowed me to raise over $30,000 in two short years. If I did not make this commitment to run and have the support of so many family members, friends, and co-workers that would be $30K less to fight cancer research. This is why I continue to get out and log the miles (and also donate) and I hope you will continue to support my efforts because it is our collective effort that is making the enormous difference. My running is made meaningful only when combined with your support.

 I also continue to be inspired by my teammates and want to share a quick example of the challenges that training brings. One of my teammates was not able to run with us this past weekend. It was her daughter’s birthday and she wanted to spend the day with her. So what did she do? She got up at 3:30am and ran 16 miles on her treadmill so she could get her miles in without interrupting her time with her daughter. If that is not dedication and commitment to fighting cancer, I am not sure what is. My teammates and I have accepted the commitment and responsibility to fight the good fight.  We often ask, “If not us, then who?” I guess, when thinking about fundraising and the many donations we need, I can also ask, “If not you, then who?” What is your answer? I hope you will continue to support our efforts in any way you can and help Dana Farber reach the ultimate goal- a world without cancer. Here is the link to my fundraising page http://www.runDFMC.org/2014/kerryd. Help keep the momentum going.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Boston 2014: We are Boston Strong. We are DFMC Strong.

We are Back at It

 I began training for the Boston Marathon once again back in December, as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. After the events of last year, it is with many mixed emotions that I entered this training season. Perhaps this is why it has been so challenging to find the time and space to log all the miles and returning to documenting my experience through this blog. After yesterday’s 13.1 mile training run in the snow with my training buddy Steve and the many reminders of why we do what we do, I have found a renewed sense of purpose and my way back to the blog. I  hope you will join me again on this journey.

Mile 8 on our 13.1 mile Training Run in Wayland, MA 1/19/2014

Slow Out of the Gate

 It is with a heavy heart fueled by optimism, resilience and the collective strength that gives meaning to the words “Boston Strong” that I have started to retrace my steps and embark on another journey to cross the Boston Marathon finish line. At the core of all my efforts are the funds we raise for Dana Farber and the amazing research that is made possible because of the miles logged and the collective generosity of our many friends, family and supporters. While the training season has not started off as smoothly as I would like, running and life has taught me that a smooth start is not always indicative of what the journey holds. So I am applying that same reasoning to accept that a slow start also does not have to define the journey. As of today we are 91 days away from the Boston Marathon 2014 which means I have 91 more days to prepare myself to log the final 26.2 miles on April 21, 2014 and to raise $15,000 to support cancer research. While I have logged a number of miles and experienced some challenging long runs these last two weekends, I am ready to dig deep and find both the heart and the strength to kick it up a notch because I believe so strongly in the work that is being done at Dana Farber and the overall goal that drives each and every training mile and every dollar raised- A world without Cancer. I am Boston Strong. I am DFMC Strong.

Fundraising Update: “It always seems impossible until it is done.” 

As of today I have raised $3,275 towards my goal of $15,000. Thank you so much to all of you have already contributed! Your generosity and continued support is greatly appreciated and makes the impossible seem possible. We may still have a way to go and at this point in our journey the miles seem long. My longest run has been 13.1 miles. On April 21^st I will run double that.  The fundraising dollars seem equally as far off in the distance.  We are $11,725 away from our goal of $15,000. However, as Nelson Mandela so wisely reminded us that “it always seems impossible until it is done.” I find his words very fitting and you can expect to read more references to him this year. As we entered 2014, I have made one of my goals to study his life and to try in whatever ways I can to incorporate his ideas and strength of spirit into my own life and experience.  His life certainly exemplified all that is possible (even when the current conditions suggest otherwise) and an enduring strength of spirit that I find so aspirational and yet so difficult to comprehend.

 During our run yesterday, I found myself thinking a lot about Mandela. As the snow fell and the conditions became more challenging, I, like many of my teammates, was tired and cold. I kept at it and found myself saying “27 years.”  This is how long Mandela was in prison. As I repeated it in my head it moved from a demonstrative statement to more of a question, “27 years?” This really helped keep me focused on putting one foot in front of the other.

 After all, I would only be running for several hours. Any discomfort or struggle I felt seemed so small and insignificant when thinking about the enduring spirit of Mandela. Then of course there were the many reminders of the lives impacted by cancer and the day-to-day struggles they endure and have endured that enter my mind when I am running with my DFMC teammates. Perhaps, it is because most of my teammates run “in honor of” or “in memory of” someone they love. Some are cancer survivors. Or maybe it is because my good friend Sandy and her family (aka  TEAM MATTY) always seem to find time to volunteer for our runs, to host blood drives, and to continue to honor the memory of Matty who left us way too soon. So even when my feet are tired or when I think I cannot possible run that far, I think of Sandy and her enduring spirit to keep going even when like Mandela, I do not know how she does what she does. This keeps me going, one step at a time, one mile at a time and one dollar at a time. 

While finding a cure may seem impossible to some, the collective sound of Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team members’ feet hitting the pavement this past Saturday in the midst of a New England snow storm and the many volunteers who were there with water and Gatorade are reminders that we have not accepted it as impossible. I hope you will continue to support us in whatever way you can! Collectively we can make a world without cancer possible. Each mile logged and each donation made helps to bring us one step closer to the ultimate goal- A world without cancer. You can visit my fundraising page by clicking this link http://www.runDFMC.org/2014/kerryd.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Our Shared Humanity is Our Hope

This is certainly not the final blog post of this training season that I expected or even hoped to write. In truth, I have found it quite difficult to even imagine how I might organize my thoughts on this week’s tragedies and triumphs. In some moments my thoughts seem to move as quickly as the sound bites we see on the news and in other moments seem frozen like a still photograph lodged in my memory. I have not been able to organize my thoughts or reflections and am not sure I every will, so here it goes which may mostly emerge as ramblings as I type what comes to mind.

Beginning with Hope and Promise

Monday, April 15, 2013 began filled with hope and promise. For anyone that has run with the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team knows that arriving in Hopkinton to meet up with your 550 teammates is a pretty amazing experience. I met up with my teammate Mike who lives in Tewksbury and whose wife would drive Steve, Andrew and I into Hopkinton. She would return to Tewksbury to get their kids and neighbor’s kids and would be waiting for Mike at the finish line. We were very grateful for Mike’s wife getting up early and driving us. It made for such an easy morning. (In retrospect, I am also pleased that while they were at the finish line, they were not physically harmed.)

 Many of us arrive at the start feeling less prepared than we hoped because of the many challenges we faced during the season. However, we arrive anyway and are ready to go in spite of our doubts. We have the energy and inspiration of our 550 teammates and 26.2 miles of cheering fans who will carry us from Hopkinton to Boston. We wear the names of loved ones on our shirts which remind us that the 26.2 miles we have in front of us is not as challenging as what cancer patients and their families each day. We tape up parts of our bodies that need the extra support. We take pictures as a team and then there is also the “living proof photo” which is a group of team members who are either cancer survivors or are currently being treated. Wow! We cheer for each other and get psyched. Together we are making great strides for a world without cancer. 

DFMC TEAM 2013 (9am 4/15/2013)

 As Charity Runners we are in the third wave. This means we start about an hour after the first runners. Our start time was 10:40am. I will always remember the sounds of hovering helicopters and the energy that is felt when thousands of runners take to the street and are doing so in “honor of” or “support of” other people. It really renews my faith in humanity. In the midst of all the excitement and celebration, I had no idea just how much of our shared humanity I would experience in the hours ahead.

Slow and Steady

We started off with a group of Dana Farber Teammates. However, my running buddy Steve was not feeling well. In fact, he wrestled with whether or not he should even be running for the days that preceded the marathon. He had bronchitis bad and probably should not be running. I think if he were just running a marathon to run for himself, he would have opted for the sidelines. However, when you run for Dana Farber and in honor of someone like Matty Dubuc (the boy that Steve runs in honor of) it would take a lot more than bronchitis to keep Steve or any of my teammates from running. It was probably by mile 10 that Steve was really struggling. However, his commitment to keep at it was so admirable and inspiring. As a teammate and a friend, I told him we were in it together and it could take us as long as it needed. Later in the day, we would learn that Steve’s Bronchitis and our slowed pace for the day was actually pretty lucky. 

Kerry and Steve somewhere in Wellseley, MA

 We saw my mom and my dear friends Lauren, Jen, Barbie and Bill in Wellesley. My mom Lauren and Jenn would then make their way to great us at the finish line. We said, “Take your time, we are going slowly” (not that we needed to tell anyone that). Next up was Linn and her family. We were truly experiencing the magical magnetic force of the crowds and supports on the course that help pull you to Boston. We began to measure our steps not in miles but who we would see next. We saw Sheila and Johanna at Mile 17 and then Glen and Adam. Hugs would fuel us as we then made our way to see my brothers, Liisa, Moe, and my nieces and nephew. There were more hugs and we were on our way as we crested the final hill in Newton-Heart Break Hill. We met up with some other DFMC’ers and rather than feeling overwhelmed with the 5 miles or so we had left, we stopped for a picture and smiled and said “Go DFMC” or something like that then we were off again. 

One of our last smiles-Mile 21

Fear and Confusion

Everything changed at about mile 22. Police cars started to race by us on the course. At first we wondered if someone was hurt or maybe had a heart attack. Then the police cars kept coming. Some were marked cars and others were unmarked cars. The runners made their way to the right side of the road. It was then we met up with Shifter who has run with DFMC many years. In fact this year was his 20^th year. He told us that there had been an explosion at Marathon Sports. At this point it did not sink in. I quickly asked someone for a phone because I did not have one. I know my mom worries and I wanted her to know that I was fine. It went right to her voicemail but I said I was fine. 

It was a few minutes later that another runner told us that bombs had gone off at the finish line and there were bodies everywhere. It was at this point that it hit me. My mom, Lauren, Jen and Steve’s brother were at the finish line. That moment will forever be etched in my memory. In a split second I felt terror. “Oh my God,” I thought, “did I put them in harms way?” I wanted to scream but was stricken by the silent screaming in my head that repeated “no, please no.” With all of my might I was wishing that I could reverse time. I wanted to just get to them and know they were ok.  I was very aware that I could not reverse time. I could not undo whatever had been done.  I was not alone. Steve and I were with so many other runners and we were all experiencing the same fear. Many of us did not have cell phones. However, those that did were so very kind and shared with those of us who didn’t. I will always remember the moment that a group of us stopped still in the street. We did not know what horror awaited us. In that moment we all grabbed hands and began to walk together. I do not know if I will ever know the names of the people that we locked hands with, but I will forever be grateful for the camaraderie of strangers who were united by our fear and found strength by sharing the little comfort we could provide each other.

Not sure where we are headed

 We all frantically tried to get in touch with loved ones. Most of the people I was with had family and friends waiting for them at the finish line. I could not get through to my mom and I did not know Lauren or Jen’s numbers. When I was young I knew all my friends numbers. However, with cell phones I no longer know anyone’s number. Fortunately, I was able to also remember my dad’s home number and called him. He was then able to call my brother who had seen a Facebook post from my mom “bombs went off, but we are safe.” My dad called me back with the good news and while I did not know how we would reconnect, I knew my mom, Lauren and Jen were safe. At this point, I felt great relief but was also very aware that I was with almost 200 runners, many of whom were still frantically trying to get in touch with loved ones. It was very soon that Steve learned his brother was also safe. We could breathe a bit easier but were worried about so many teammates and their families.  

For a while we walked back and forth on Boylston Street. We were not really sure where to go. There was talk that a bus would come get us and bring us to a safe place, but the buses were being used to move the National Guard around so it was not clear when. Many runners were starting to get cold and after running 24 miles it is pretty tricky to just stop without warm clothes and water. It is here we experienced the unbelievable kindness of so many volunteers, police officers and many spectators. I just remember being asked so many times “what do you need? Can I get you a phone to use? Do you need some water?” At this point all I needed was to be with loved ones, but having the knowledge that they were ok was enough. I would wait as long as it takes and would not complain about anything. I could only imagine what people were dealing with down at the finish line and throughout Boston. I was so grateful to be with Steve and a few other teammates and knew we would be ok.

A Synagogue on Boylston Street opened it doors to runners to get warm and to have a place to sit. I do not know the name of this Synagogue but will forever be grateful for their hospitality. I was reminded that regardless of faith we all share our humanity and this Synagogue certainly exemplified human kindness and compassion at its best. I was so taken by absolute strangers who once again were so concerned with making sure we had what we needed and if they could help. There were phones for us to use and computers to get updates to our friends and families because cell phones were not working for anything but text messaging. I am not sure how long we were there. As someone who does not spend a lot of time in churches or synagogues, I will say that I have never felt so welcome, so safe or in a place of such refuge. I remember thinking that this is what God’s house or place of worship (whoever you believe God to be) should feel like and not only in times of crisis.

It was at the Synagogue that I was able to post on Facebook that the buses would be taking us to the Boston Common. We had been told the city was on lock down and in particular the Copley area and figured that our families were likely stuck in the city too. I was not sure that my mom, Lauren, Jen, or Steve’s brother would get the message. However, I knew that we could try. It was then we were told the bus was outside. It was all so surreal. We piled onto a bus and were escorted by police. I do not know how to explain it other than it felt like we were at war. I guess we sort of were.  I looked at the faces of the people around me on the bus. Although I did not know anyone other than Steve, we shared this bond. We were all trying to make our way to loved ones. When the bus arrived the park was filled with swat teams and National Guard Troops. As I looked out the window I could also see my mom who had climbed up on a iron fence. I then saw Jen and Lauren. My eyes welled with tears. It was just a few hours ago that I did not know if I would see them and if I did, that they would be unharmed or alive. I caught my breath and stepped off the bus and just waved to them with a huge smile on my face. My worst nightmare had been averted. It was nothing more than luck that kept us safe but in that moment I just made my way to them and hugged them tightly. Steve’s brother was on his way and would be meeting us shortly. 

Getting off the bus

Swat teams and police fill the Boston Common

When Steve’s brother and friend arrived, we learned that they were on Boylston Street between the two blasts. It was so surreal. Here were standing in Boston on the day of the marathon and just feeling so grateful to be alive yet we remained so worried for the many family and friends of teammates and other runners that we knew would also have been in harms way. I am going to stop here. The story does not end here and I probably could go on for a long time retelling all that I remember. However, I wanted to choose to end with what I am taking away from this horrific event.

I will start with a great lesson that running always reminds me and that is we are stronger than we think we are. However, I will add to this that we often discover our strength through our connections to others. I am forever grateful to the runners, spectators and so many volunteers, police and first responders with whom I shared Monday’s horror. While I may never forget the fear I experienced, I am choosing to focus on the hands that grabbed mine to remind me I was never alone. I am choosing to remember the strangers that offered me their phones. I am choosing to remember those that continuously asked us if we needed anything at a time when they were probably also in need of something.

I will always remember the images of those who were injured or lost their life and their families. My heart will forever ache for the ways this hateful act has forever changed their lives. It could have been any of our families and in many ways they are our families. As runners, as a community, as a city and as a country we must do all we can to honor those whose lives were taken and support those who will have a long road to recovery. “Boston Strong” does not end as the news cycle fades. We must make a commitment to see that all those who are wounded or lost loved ones and their families “have what they need” not just today but also tomorrow and the next day and the next.

I will always remember that light always emerges in spite of darkness. There will always be bad people who do horrible things. I am not sure that we can ever rid this world of evil. However, the events of Monday and those that followed this past week have reminded me that goodness always wins over evil. Etched in my memory are the many first responders, police officers, volunteers and spectators that did what they could to save a life, to comfort a stranger, and help people connect with their loved ones. Through the many acts of courage and kindness the best of humanity emerged in the midst of such tragedy.

I will always remember what it felt like to be told someone I love could be in harms way and how helpless I felt. I will also remember the compassion I experienced from so many in the midst of my fear and how that brought comfort. While it was a different experience, I would imagine that families with loved ones fighting cancer may feel that same terror and helplessness when confronted with the unimaginable. I will continue to do my part so one day they will not have to feel that way.

I will return to run the Boston Marathon in 2014 as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team, not because I need to finish the 26.2 miles or because I want a medal but because I believe that goodness always wins over evil and this is how we do it. As the week went on I realized how very lucky I was. I will honor those who were not as lucky by letting this experience soften my heart rather than harden it. I will move from the feeling of being touched by terror to the memory of being touched by tenderness by so many who with courage and compassion showed the best of our humanity. I too will work to show the best of humanity in all that I do.

My journey to the Boston Marathon for the past 2 years as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team has brought $30,000 to fund cancer research in support of a world without cancer. We will keep working at it. My teammates and I will continue to do what I can to make this world a better place. Right foot, left foot, breathe.

 With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Hope is our Strength

We have arrived. While I cannot believe it, there is not space and time to lament about the passage of time and wondering how we got here. The time is now and we are here. At this time tomorrow, wave three will be departing Hopkinton, MA for our 26.2 journey to Boston. Wow! Hope will be our strength.

We have our numbers. We have arrived!

Fundraising Update:

I am incredibly excited to share that once again we continue to exceed the goals I set! We started conservatively at $10,000 which is a lot of money. Then we moved it to $13,100 and we crushed that goal too. In the spirit of matching last year, I then raised the goal again to $15,000. Can you tell I like to push the capacity of what I think is possible? I have amazing friends, family and coworkers that make this possible. The only way we can know our limits is to push them. So as I get ready to lace up my sneakers, we are pushing the capacity on the fundraising front. As of today, my fundraising page has $14,418.45 posted to it. I am in the process of sending in $300 in checks. This brings us to a $14,718.45. WOW! Keep it coming!

Team Hoyt at the Expo "YES YOU CAN!"

Hope is our Strength

Later today I will be heading into to Boston to attend the Dana Farber Pasta Party. This will be my second year attending this event and packaged within two hours or so is enough inspiration to carry me from Hopkinton to Boston with a smile on my face. We will get a chance to meet many of the children who are in treatment at the Jimmy Fund and their families who are part of the patient partner program. We will also be with many of the “In Memory” of families which includes the Dubuc Family who are very dear friends. If you have read this blog, the Dubuc’s are also Team Matty and very dear friends of mine. You see it is the reminder that while we have been training for 18 weeks to run a marathon this is only a small part of what we are actually doing. In fact, it is the easy part. We trained through the winter months to have our bodies prepared as best we can to run the marathon with one purpose in mind-raising fund to support cancer research and with the hope that one day we will live in a world without cancer. 

Hope is not a pie in the sky idealization that things will just get better because we want it to. The Dana Farber Team is hope in action and recognizes that a world without cancer is only possible through research and innovation. It is that simple and this requires funds.  Like many of you, I have come to know far too many people whose lives have been ravaged by this horrible disease. I often found myself feeling powerless and thinking “somebody has got to find a cure for this disease.” We live in a world where we have put a man on the moon and I can talk to my nieces through my IPad but we still cannot beat this horrific disease. Then it dawned on me. I am that somebody and I need to do my part. So while I do not love to run 26.2 miles, I love that by committing to train and run a marathon with the help of many, I have been able to raise over $30,000 to support cancer research in just two years. This is why I do it and I could not do it without your help.So thank you!

As an example of the many inspiration people I have come to know through my experience with Dana Farber I wanted to share a video of my teammate Jennie. Please take the two minutes to watch her video. She exemplifies why I run and why hope is so important. As Jennie would say, “Be good, Be strong.”

If you are out on the course tomorrow, please give all the runners lots of support. We are stronger because of why we run, but we can certainly use your help along the way. My BIB # is 23198. If you are interested in tracking me you can do so by signing up for text message updates. All you need to do is:

1) Text the word RUNNER to the number 345-678
2.) When prompted enter my BIB # 23198

Then you will be all signed up and will get a text when I cross the 10K (6.2 mile), Half Marathon (13.1 miles), 30K (18.6 Miles) and the finish line (26.2 miles).

Thanks again for all the support! 

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 16: Taper Time & Overcoming Obstacles

We are now just 10 days away from the Boston Marathon. For those who may not be familiar with marathon training, the few weeks before the marathon is know as taper time. This is when the weekly mileage drastically decreases and when the next long run will be race day. For us, it is April 15, 2013. It is also a time when many start to panic when last minute injuries seem to present themselves. For many of my DFMC teammates this has been a challenging training season. However, we are all focused on why we run- to support cancer research and a world without cancer. That makes the impossible seem possible

Fundraising Update

I am pleased to report that we surpassed my initial goal of $10,000. However, those that know me also know that I like to under promise and over deliver. I quickly changed my goal to $13,100 which is the next pacesetter level for DFMC fundraising. I recognize that my new goal is still $2,000 less than last year. However, I am deeply committed to reaching the $13,100 by next Friday which will also be my 40^th birthday. I thank everyone who has contributed and offered support and encouragement. This means the world to me and makes both the training and fundraising possible. I have said it before and I will say it again, I would not be able to do this without the support of so many friends, family and coworkers. Together we are making great strides towards a world without cancer.

Overcoming Obstacles

As I watch the Facebook posts of my fellow DFMC teammates, I am so aware that this training season has not been easy. However, I continue to be inspired by the collective attitude that these obstacles are not roadblocks but as opportunities to get stronger and to further demonstrate our commitment to the work at Dana Farber. Perhaps it is because so many members of our team have been personally touched by cancer or run for those who have that make most obstacles we face seem small in light of why we run. For example, many of my teammates have found themselves injured. Rather than giving up many have spent taper time making may trips to the physical therapist in order to get to the starting line as ready as they can be. Often accompanied with a post about an injury/obstacle is the recognition of “we will do whatever it takes because what we do is in support of cancer research.” The purpose behind what we are doing fuels a special sort of strength.

After the last long run (22 miles) on March 23^rd, I too found myself facing a bit of a challenge. I really do not like to complain to much, but what started out as just a sore shin evolved into reason to be concerned when after a few days I still had great difficulty walking and was experiencing pretty constant pain. It was good that this was taper time; however I did not have too much time to deal with last minute injuries. I did what I normally do. I iced and I hoped it would just go away. You see I have quite a bit of hardware (8 screws, 1 pin and a plate) in my ankle from a rugby injury (1999) so having pain in my ankle and shin after running is not out of the ordinary.   I found some old X-rays and thought it would be neat to include pictures of them.

 After five days I finally went to have it checked. My biggest fear was a possible stress fracture. I started to imagine how I might tape my shin. I did not want to even entertain the idea of not running. The good news is that it is not a stress fracture. I am very fortunate to have an amazing doctor who was able to see me within a few hours notice and made time between surgeries to check it out. He then scheduled an MRI the next day. We were not messing around. Long story short, I have tendonitis so while it may give me some grief, I will be arriving in Hopkinton on April 15^th to make the trek to Boston with my teammates with one goal in mind: getting to the finish line to support a world without cancer. It does not have to be pretty (although I will be sure to smile for the cameras because the pictures long outlast the feeling in any particular moment). It will most likely hurt.Running that far hurts anyway. However, my teammates and I recognize there is no ache or pain that can ever compare to the ache and pain of watching someone face cancer.  So when we line up in Hopkinton, some of us perhaps a bit less than 100%, we will be ready to give it 150% of all we have. We run in spite of the obstacles that present themselves and that is what makes us stronger in spirit. We run for a world without cancer and there is nothing more motivating and inspiring that that.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 14: Cancer is a Family Journey

This week the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team geared up for our longest and last team training run of the season. Most of our teammates would be running 20-22 miles. The group I was running with opted for the 22 miles. We would start our journey at Boston College and run the course in reverse. It would be 11 miles out to Natick and then we would turn and trace our journey back to meet the hills of Newton with tired legs. This would be great preparation for Marathon Monday, and would hopefully give the confidence that many of us needed after a challenging training season in New England.

The Back of My Team Matty Shirt "Don't Stop Believing" and my Phil Riley Patch

 Getting Started, Gaining Perspective, and Getting Inspired

I have shared that each week before our long run, the team gathers and we sign banners for people that are being treated for cancer and to also listen to the Barr Impact Statements (this is the research for which we are raising funds). This week was different. My good friend Sandy, who is actually the person that got me connected with the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team, would be giving the inspirational talk to kick off our run. Sandy is the proud mom of three boys; Chris, Matty, and Zach. On March 25, 2007, Matty lost his battle with cancer. As Sandy reminds us, cancer is family disease. While many of us run with special people in mind, the family members are also a source of inspiration, they too have endured and continue to endure so much. In 2008, Sandy and her husband Johnny ran with Dana Farber to honor Matty's memory. Sandy, Johnny and their sons Chris and Zach continue to volunteer at water stops for many of our team runs. This weekend’s run was in honor of Matty Dubuc’s angel anniversary.  Matty and the entire Dubuc Family provided inspiration for the entire Dana Farber Marathon Challenge team as well as for thousands of other runners who were greeted with the most amazing water stop. As we approached you could hear “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey brining you towards them. There were beautiful posters of Matty, SpongeBob balloons, peeps, gummy bears, water, Gatorade, and inspirational stories to remind us why we are running.

As Sandy spoke, my eyes filled up. This season has certainly not been easy for training. However, as I listened to Sandy, I no longer worried about the challenges of training  or the 22 miles which I was about to run. My focus was on the many families and loved ones I know who have been impacted by cancer and the importance of what we are doing- running to raise funds in support of a world without cancer. I thought about the Dubuc’s. I thought about my dear friend Matt and his nephew for whom I run in his memory. I thought of so many friends and loved ones. I thought of too many people which reinforced how important the work at Dana Farber is.  

Team Matty water stop: All the inspiration needed

 The Dubuc Family: Inspiring Others through Story and Action

Rather than recapping this weeks challenges and lessons learned, I wanted to share with you the words Sandy shared because in her words were both the inspiration and lessons learned for this week and so many more.  Her talk can be found on Matty’s Caring Bridges website at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/matty. I would encourage you to check out his site for the story of a truly inspirational family.

“Good morning! My name is Sandy and you may have seen myself and/or my husband, John and oldest son, Chris, at water stops throughout your training.

This is my son, Matty (poster of Matty was displayed next to me). Matty was diagnosed with liver cancer when he was 4 years old. Matty endured so much throughout his 3 year battle, which included chemo, radiation, blood transfusions, a liver transplant, 3 lung surgeries, 2 brain surgeries and his left arm was amputated 5 months before he passed away. 

Jan asked me to say a few words this morning because since Johnny and I ran with the team, the year after Matty passed, DFMC has continued to honor Matty on this weekend's training run, with his angelversary being on Monday. 

I just want to redirect your inspirational focus for today's run. Every mile you log, I'm sure that you have an inspiration behind it. I'm guessing that the majority, if not all of you, are running for someone who's been touched by cancer. And because every run is mostly likely about that person, for today's run, I'd really love for you to dedicate it to the family members of that person, most especially, to the siblings. 

I have three boys. Chris is my oldest, Matty, then Zachary, my youngest. Chris was only 6 years old when Matty was diagnosed and Zach was just 12 days old. Although, Chris and Zach never went bald, had a port accessed or received a blood transfusion, they, too, suffered greatly. I always say that cancer is a family journey because it absolutely takes a toll on each family member.
In our family, Chris and Zach missed out on so much. They grew up too fast, they've seen too much and they've learned life's hardest lesson at too young of an age. I know that I'm not the only one who smiles through the pain or who's heart aches with unimaginable pain. 

I am so very proud of ALL 3 of my boys. And so, today, I ask you to please think about my boys and the strength it takes for them, my husband and I, just to get up each and every morning to acknowledge yet, another day, without Matty. 

I want to thank all of you for doing your part in helping to imagine a world without cancer. On a personal note, I want to give a big thanks to Steve Poirier, who's running again this year for Matty. And I think Steve has something very special to ask Chris. 

At that point, Steve took over and thanked Chris for all he's doing to help give back at such a young age! Steve then asked if Chris would jump in at mile 25 (the Jimmy Fund cheering section where will be) of the marathon and finish the marathon with him. Chris was/is thrilled to do so!” 

With the inspiration of Sandy and the entire Dubuc Family, I (like many of my teammates) made it the 22 miles. I am not sure I would have made it up over the hills without carry them in my heart. I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it has been and continues to be for them or for so many people I know who have or have had a loved one battle cancer. Running a marathon is in no way a comparison to this. I am not sure anything could compare to this. However, perspective is a wonderful thing. Especially when it is families like the Dubuc’s for whom we run. What I said over and over in my head when I felt tired was simply “keep putting one step in from of the other. Imagine the strength that it takes for the families for whom you run. This is NOTHING compared to that. Suck it up. Right foot, left foot, breathe. Repeat.” I did this for 3 hours and 45 minutes. I thank the Dubuc’s for their inspiration. They continue to make me want to do more. Running for DFMC is just one of the ways I can do more.

Fundraising Update:
We are now 21 days away from the marathon. I am excited to report that I hit my initial fundraising goal of $10,000. However, with three weeks left until the marathon, in the spirit of pushing capacity, and because families like the Dubuc’s continue to show us just how much we can do when we commit to making the world a better place, I have increased my goal to $13,100. As of today I have $10,352.45 posted to my fundraising page. One step at a time. One dollar at a time, we will get there.

DFMC 2013

Team DFMC 2013

 The pictures above were taken after logging 22 miles. This is what running with a purpose looks like. Smiles all around. Together, we can make a difference.  Thank you for your continued support and a very special thank you to the entire Dubuc Family.

With Gratitude, Kerry D

  

Week 13: Embrace the Flaw

It is hard to believe we are now just about 1 month away from the 2013 Boston Marathon. I am not sure why the passage of time always surprises me. As I sit to write what I had hoped would be a weekly blog which has more realistically become a whenever I can get the time blog, the sky is blue and there are birds chipping outside. The air is cold and the promise of spring is in the air.  However, the weather forecast predicts another snowstorm for early in the week. Needless to say this training season has been challenging for many. As New Englanders we adjust. Today we may think spring and on Tuesday we will reach for our shovels. Nature does not always deliver on our terms and while we dream of the perfect day, we adjust to the conditions of the day, the week or the season. We embrace the flaw and as a good friend of mine always says “we do our best and forget the rest.” Or so we strive.

Taking a break for a quick photo before hitting Heartbreak hill during Saturday's training run with Steve and Elaine

 Fundraising Update

 I like to start with a fundraising update because this is why I am logging the many miles. I run to honor my friend Matt’s nephew Josh and so many others who I have come to learn of their stories and in support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal of a world without cancer. As of today, $9,447.45 has been posted to my fundraising page. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! This is $545 more than when I did my last blog post three weeks ago and this is only $552.55 away from my initial goal of $10,000. My hope is to hit $10,000 within the next week or so and then in the spirit of pushing capacity raise it once again. Last year we raised $15,585 and if the truth be told, I would like to at least hit $13,100. In all honesty, this has been a tough season on all fronts and I have not been as good this year at sending out fundraising letters and reminders. So stay tuned, I will be sending out more requests in the upcoming weeks. I do believe we can keep pushing. After all, a world without cancer is only possible if we continue to work to make it happen. Research requires money. It is that simple.  

Embrace the Flaw

 Embrace the flaw. These are three simple words and yet are so hard for many of us to do. This training season has given me many opportunities to practice these three simple words through action. The idea that perfection is found in imperfection is a concept that I appreciate, but when challenged to walk the talk, it is not always so easy. I am getting better at it.  This is not just a challenge in training for a marathon; it is a challenge for me in my everyday life. Like the weather in New England, life is often filled with uncertainty and as much as we try to anticipate and plan for the unexpected, reality reminds us that we are not always in control even if we think we are or want to be with all of our might.  Even when we do all we can to prepare, sometimes life throws us the unexpected. We are sometimes quick to say “this is unfair” and we find ourselves stuck or we accept that the conditions are not always on our terms and struggle with the challenges of the unexpected by embracing the flaw. We learn to see that perfection actually exists in the midst of imperfection.

When you run for the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team you have the added reminder and perspective that most challenges we face in training and in our day-to-day lives pales in comparison to the many challenges cancer patients and their families face who on a daily basis experience just how unfair life can be. They do not need the reminder. They live it every day.  This perspective has really helped me to embrace the flaw this season. Perhaps it is because so many of us are running to honor those who lost their battle and for the many patients and their families who continue to fight that makes even the most imperfect days seem perfect. You see, we have the day and that is a blessing in itself. I have found that recognizing the powerful purpose of our efforts makes having to figure out how to get in your long runs after 8-10 inches of snow has fallen, having to deal with fighting the flu and being sick, pulling muscles, experiencing fatigue or any other challenges that we face, are just part of the journey.

 This training season has been anything but perfect. This winter brought the challenge of snow fall on many weekends which made outdoor running in New England more than challenging. However, we adjusted. We embraced the flaw and found our way to treadmills.  Like many of my teammates, I also had bronchitis and the flu which has made the idea of a perfect feel good run a distant memory or a dream. However, we adjust. We learn to listen to our bodies and balance the need to rest and to get back at logging the miles even when we may not feel up to it. We accept that most runs are not perfect. Sometimes adjusting the expectation of a perfect run actually makes room for the imperfect run to feel “as good as it gets” and that is enough to have the run end with a smile because in spite of the challenges, the miles were logged. I also started a new job that on many days demands more hours than there are in the day. I have accepted the fact that there will be days that I do not get the runs that I should and that I have not done as much as I would like to for fundraising. I have done what I can and this is ok. For me, embracing the flaw is learning to see what is accomplished in spite of the challenges and the unexpected rather than focusing on what may not have been achieved because things didn't go exactly as planned.

This past week I logged an 18 mile run with my DFMC teammates on the Boston Marathon course. While many of us talked about the realities of this season’s challenges and how this is testing our confidence, the excitement that we all feel when we come together coupled with the encouragement we feel from our many supporters is what makes the impossible seem possible. In a months time we will be lining up in Hopkinton to make the 26.2 mile trek to Boston. Running for a world without cancer makes one strong in spirit, even when the conditions are less than ideal. We embrace the flaw and then put one foot in front of the other and mile by mile dollar by dollar we move towards our goal. The idea of a perfect run or ideal training season is more about perspective than reality. I am once again reminded of the words of Pat Summit. “It is what it is, but it will be what you make it.” Cancer is ruthless disease that knows no bounds. It is what it is. However, as we log our miles and raise funds even when it is imperfect, we are holding on to the hope that the world one day will be “what we make it”- a world without cancer.

If you have not had a chance to make a donation, I would ask that you consider doing so. If we want a world without cancer, we have to be willing to do what we can to make that happen. Every donation makes a difference. If it is $5, $50 or $500, it all adds together to fund innovative research that is driven by a desire to make a world without cancer a reality. Research requires funds, it is that simple.

With gratitude,

Kerry D