Week 15: Don't Stop Believing

Week 15 of training is done. I cannot believe that we are now only three weeks away from the Boston Marathon. Over the last 15 weeks I have logged 429 training miles and we have raised $13, 961 with $13,771 posted to my fundraising page. There are still some checks that have not been posted so hopefully they will be reflected on my site soon. It is really amazing how far we have come in just 15 weeks. I am so filled with gratitude for all the family, friends and supporters who have really stepped up to support such an important effort-a world without cancer. Our collective success is only possible because of your support. If you have not had a chance to donate, there is still time. Each donation no matter how big or small brings us a step closer to a world without cancer. Let’s not only hope to see it as possible, let’s strive to see it as probable.  I would actually love to see us hit the $15,000 mark by marathon Monday. If you haven’t already figured it out, I love to push the capacity of what I think is possible. Will you continue to push with me?

Our Final Team Run

Yesterday I completed our final team training run on the Boston Marathon course. We ran 22 miles which was the longest distance that we run with the exception of the marathon on April 16^th. It was a particularly special run for the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team and for me personally. Our run yesterday was in honor of a very special boy-Matty Dubuc, whose 5 year angelversary is today-March 25^th. The Dubuc Family has a very special place in my heart and in many ways helped motivate me to want to run for the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team as a way to honor the memory of my dear friend Matt’s nephew Josh.  Yesterday the Dubuc family honored Matty by volunteering at one of our water stops which they have done on many of our weekend runs. I wore my “Team Matty” shirt with pride. As we approached the water stop that was at 6 and also 16 we were greeted by the Dubuc Family and other Team Matty friends (Berta and Steve-also former DFMC runners) with a huge picture of Matty with blue balloons and “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey was blaring on the speakers they brought. Here is the team that greeted us.

Team Matty (Sandy, Berta, Zach, Matty, Chris, Steve and Johnny taking the picture)

In week 13 I wrote about seeking inspiration. Well, the Dubuc Family is probably one of the most inspirational families and I am so blessed to know and learn from them. For many who know them, it is hard to even imagine the magnitude of their experience, their pain, their grief, and the loss that lingers with the empty space at their table, in family photos and in memories in the making. However, I am sure I am not alone, when I say that it is hard to think of the Dubuc Family and not immediately hear the song “Don’t Stop Believing” whether it is on the radio or not. Somehow in the midst of their enduring grief, they are filled with such a deep commitment to honoring Matty and each other by making the world a better place, a place without cancer. There are not words to describe the awe I experience when I think of the Dubuc Family and I thought of them a lot yesterday over the course of 22 miles. I will try to find words to express my awe inspired gratitude for such an amazing family.

First and foremost, the Dubuc Family teaches me that a better world and one without cancer is all of our responsibility and there are many ways you can help make this a reality. Did you know that donating one pint of blood can help up to 4 children? Well, I think it is safe to say that the entire UMass Lowell community and anyone that knows the Dubuc Family knows this because they host blood drives for Children’s Hospital throughout the year. So if money is tight, you can donate blood. Just be sure to take your vitamins because one of the top reasons many of us are turned away is low iron. If you cannot donate blood and cash is tight, you can also volunteer for organizations that support a world without cancer. In fact, Dana Farber is looking for volunteers for marathon weekend. If you are interested here is the link to the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge website http://www.kintera.org/htmlcontent.asp?cid=116910.

The Dubuc Family also teaches me the importance of honoring those we have loved and lost. We do this through events but also in the way in which we live our lives. It is by recognizing what really matters in life and while there may be times that we need to sweat the small stuff, most often we do not. Family is what matters.  If you want to follow their story check out the caringbridge website that Sandy keeps up at http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/matty.

In many ways I have the Dubuc Family, and in particular Sandy, to thank for bringing me to Dana Farber. I have mentioned that this year’s marathon falls on the anniversary of my dear friend Matt’s nephew for whom I am running. Last year, I so wanted to honor his memory and while I was thinking about the marathon, it seemed like this enormous thing to do.  Last spring Sandy and I ran together and not only did I get to know an amazing and inspiring woman, I also had the privilege of hearing stories about her three amazing boys. All one needs to do is talk to a Dubuc and that which seems impossible suddenly becomes within reach. Needless to say, by early September I was a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge 2012 Team committed to raising funds for such an important effort.

Honoring a Special Boy-Matty

As the Dubuc Family spends this weekend honoring Matty, Sandy asked for stories from people who knew Matty or stories of Matty that people found inspiring or that had touched their lives. The first story that came to my mind was a story that Sandy shared. Now, I recognize in the retelling I may have missed details but the meaning that I took from the story is what is important. I remember walking into work one day. Matty had just had surgery to have his arm amputated. I did not know Sandy all that well at the time, however I asked how Matty was doing. Again, I don’t remember all the details, but the story focused on Matty’s positive attitude. Sandy explained that while he had just lost his arm, his response was “I can still ride my bike one handed.”

Matty's picture that greeted us at the water stop and the speakers that played
Don't Stop Believing

 It was this spirit and the spirit of the Dubuc Family that really carried me through my run yesterday. When I felt tired, I thought of their relentless spirit and it really carried me over the hills. I was so aware that our running to support cancer research is incredibly important and it is so much more than a worthy cause or organization. We are running for real families whose lives are so impacted by such a devastating disease.  However, I must be honest as I felt inspired by their strength; I also became so aware that as tired as I felt I would be able to rest when I was done. My feet hurt, but the hurt would go away. I kept thinking that for the Dubuc family and my friend Matt’s family, the hurt may change over the years, but it does not go away. So while yesterday’s run honored a very special boy named Matty Dubuc (and the strength of his family), it was in honoring his memory that I was reminded how incredibly important our efforts are in supporting Dana Farber’s ultimate Goal- A world without cancer. Thank you to everyone who continues to support such important work and a very special thank you this week to the Dubuc Family-Sandy, Johnny, Christopher, Matty and Zachary- you are truly an amazing family. I am so blessed to know you! I hope that you continue to experience Matty’s presence in all you do! You are an inspiration to us all and you have taught me the power in the words "Don't Stop Believing."

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 14: Dwell in Possibility

Today I completed one of my last long runs before the marathon. This does not mean that we will not be running a lot; we will continue to train hard. We are simply entering the final stretch of our training. Today we ran 18 miles and next weekend we will run our longest at 22 miles.  It is hard to believe we are just 4 weeks away from the Boston Marathon. At this point it is all about keeping healthy, staying injury free and continuing to log the miles so we arrive in Hopkinton ready to make the long awaited trek to Boston-26.2 miles-as promised to those for whom we run and to our many supporters. This week has been amazing with temperatures of 50 degrees with even a few days that were in the high 60’s. I actually ran outside three times this week in shorts. This is certainly not a typical New England winter. Some days it is running in multiple layers and other days we are in shorts.  As hearty New Englanders we adjust. As our coach Jack Fultz says, “There is no bad weather, just bad clothing choices.” We just have to choose wisely.

March 17th Team Run approaching final water stop-mile 16

Fundraising Update

As usual I will start off with a focus on fundraising. After all, the reason behind the miles is our collective effort to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal-a world without cancer. This week our fundraising efforts have brought us to a total of $13,731 posted to my fundraising page. There is still a group of checks that have not been posted to my account. So once these are finally posted our total will be $13,896. It is crazy because I mailed them in on March 5^th. Most checks have been posted within 3-5 days of mailing them in. The good news is the address was correct and it had a return address too. So let’s hope this week we see them posted.

Our great success fundraising is part of the reason that I wanted to title this weeks post, Dwell in Possibility (thank you Emily Dickenson). Back in September when I was applying to be a member of the Dana Farber Team I am not sure what I was more worried about- training for and running the marathon or the fundraising. In fact, I was not sure that I would be able to raise the $5,000 that I initially submitted as my goal never mind the $13,896 that we have raised as of today. Of course, I do like to “dwell in possibility” and although I was filled with doubt and it seemed like a stretch, I could see the possibility. We are where we are today because of the generosity of friends, family, co-workers and supporters who also shared a belief in all that is possible -we dream a world without cancer. While it is sometimes hard to imagine, we believe one step, one dollar and one mile at a time we will get there. So once again, it is with deep gratitude that I simply say, thank you! Your donation is making a direct difference. Our collective commitment to such an important effort emerges as a resounding roar-cancer no more!

Dwell in Possibility

Dwell in Possibility. These three words of Emily Dickinson took on all sorts of meaning for me this week. As usual, I was not really aware of it at the time but the thoughts collectively weave as I run. On a very basic level, who would have guessed that we would have a basically snowless winter in New England? Or who would guess that in the second week in March  that I would be running in shorts? These were just simple reminders that anything is possible even if not probable. However, it was today’s 18 mile run on the marathon course that really reminded me the power of dwelling in possibility and how if we do not at least entertain the idea of possibility we really limit ourselves. After all, we are often the ones who set the limits on our own perceived capability and capacity. Dwelling in possibility, we are not bound by limits.

Up until today, each time we have run on the course I have struggled with the Newton hills and the big hill in Wellesley. If you have run the hills in Newton, they are really not that terrible. It is just where they are placed and on many of our long runs they have fallen in final miles. I do need to be honest. Prior to training for the marathon, I was not a huge fan of hills. In fact, just the idea of a hill could tire me before I even arrived at it.  On most of our runs I have done well but had to stop to catch my breath from time to time on the hills. Each time I have learned to run smarter. Running faster in hopes of getting it over sooner does not work to well. I have learned slow and steady with one foot in front of the other gets you to the top. I have learned that to be able to run hills you have to train on hills often. I have also leaned that you have to convince yourself that you like hills and see them as your partner in training. Hills make you stronger. Today, I experienced what I was not sure was possible. I ran the hills strong and steady. I did not walk or stop once (except at water stops).

A Journey with My Thinking Today

As I ran the hills today, I found myself thinking of the quote that is often cited to define insanity. It is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” I am sure many who have trained for a marathon or anyone who has patiently and persistently worked towards a goal has questioned their sanity from time to time. However, as someone who appreciates the power of transforming our lives by changing our behaviors, I was also reminded that there are times that we need to do the same thing over and over again in order to get different results. I found myself thinking of a reading in one of the Chicken Soup for the Soul books that talked about the many times Lincoln failed before he succeeded. It also referenced that while Babe Ruth broke the record for the most homeruns he also led the league that year in strike outs. Sometimes having the courage to fail and to fail many times and still returning to confront that which has defeated us is what leads us to our success.

 Perhaps I wasn’t doing the same thing and I ran the hills differently today because I was running them smarter. However, I learned this only from doing the same thing over and over again and returning to a place where I experienced defeat. I suppose I could look at it from the perspective, that today I did not listen to the voice in my head that was screaming for me to stop when I was halfway up a hill. In that sense I did it a bit differently and therefore got different results. It was all this thinking of repetition and doing things over and over again even when you think you cannot that kept bringing me back to Emily Dickenson’s words “dwell in possibility.”  Thinking about what it means to dwell in possibility is quite fun.

So from here I jumped to thinking about Cancer. It is amazing how running for Dana Farber makes you think a lot about cancer. However, when I think about Dana Farber and Cancer, I think about possibility.  I imagined the many scientists who are hard at work researching cures for cancer. I began to make connections to their work in doing things over and over again, in search of different results- a cure for cancer. Once again, I know they do things differently. However, my thinking with the idea of “doing the same thing” is more connected to sticking to something with the hopes of different results-pushing the status quo. So from here I jump once again with my thinking and now it is Steve Jobs. I hope you are still with me. This is how my mind works on a run. Steve was a revolutionary thinking whose innovative spirit embodied the words of Dickenson and was he taken too early by Cancer. Steve Jobs dwelled in possibility. If he can imagine a world in which people cannot live without their iphones or ipads never mind all that these tools can do, we can certainly imagine a world without cancer. Here is where I link back to thinking about insanity and the notion of being crazy for sticking at something and I am reminded of Apple’s “think differently campaign” and the amazing ad Here’s to the Crazy Ones which once again embodies Dickenson’s “dwell in possibility.” Here is the video clip of the ad.

This ad reminds me that while we may feel like the world is too big or the challenges are too great it is the people that believe that they can change the world that actually do. I am also reminded of the quote that is so often referenced “it is what it is.” I am not sure who actually said this originally. I just hear it a lot. I guess this is the realist’s perspective that sometimes things are simply the way they are. While there is certainly both truth and wisdom in this, I like Tennessee women's basketball coach Pat Summit’s version of it “It is what it is, but it will be what you make it.” Here I return to the family, friends, and supporters of our Marathon Challenge team. We are not crazy to think we can change the world and that we will one day live in a world without cancer. We are choosing to dwell in possibility and one step, one donation, and one mile at a time we are working to support Dana Farber’s Ultimate goal- a world without cancer. Remember, it is the people who believe they can change the world that often do. Thank you for being one of these people!

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 13: If You Think You Can’t, Seek Inspiration and Do it Anyway

As I finish up week 13 of our 18 week training for the Boston Marathon and we spring forward with daylight savings time, I cannot help but return to my blog entry from December 23^rd.. It was eleven weeks ago I wrote about winter solstice and how in week 2 of training we had just begun the gradual reversal from longer periods of darkness to longer periods of light. Today, we will experience the magic of that gradual passage of time and enjoy an extra hour of light. On a very basic level, this means that I can once again enjoy a run after work without worrying about the dangers of running alone in the dark. On a deeper level, I am reminded that even in the absence of light; the promise of light exists and persists.

Photo taken after Saturday's team run in Wayland-16 miles logged

Fundraising Update:

I cannot believe that I am typing this, but once again we have hit our stretch goal! As of today, we have $13,261 posted to my fundraising site and I have sent in another $290 in checks that have not been posted to the page yet. This means that once these donations are posted, we will have raise $13,551 to support cancer research!! This is absolutely amazing and I am so incredibly grateful for the generosity of so many friends, family and co-workers. I am not sure you know how inspiring your generosity is for me. Each dollar donated is a reminder of why I am doing this. It also reminds me the power of a generous spirit in making a difference in the world in which we live. Yes, it will be incredibly exciting to run the Boston Marathon. However, it is even more exciting, knowing that collectively we are making such a strong and powerful statement that we believe in the promise of possibility and that includes a world without cancer. One step at a time, one mile at a time, and one donation at a time we will get there. Possibility’s promise is delivered when we all work together to make it happen. Thank you, thank you, and thank you! Our great fundraising success is only possible because of you! We will continue to stretch our capacity. We still have 5 weeks to go!

If you Think You Can’t Seek Inspiration and Do it Anyway

In Stopping by the Woods on a Snowing Evening, Robert Frost writes “these woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep.” Although we have had very little snow this winter, I find this particular line in Frost’s poem speaks to this time in our training. It is especially significant given that we are now entering a time of longer days and more light. You see, many of us have been training for many weeks and have logged and continue to log many miles. While in the woods we are appreciative of our journey, at this time it also feels dark and deep. We are excited yet exhausted. Training has become more of a chore than a choice. We are resilient yet our bodies crave recovery. We are almost there, yet we have promises to keep and miles to go before we sleep. So we balance meeting the demands of training while also keeping ourselves healthy and our spirits strong.

This week I really found myself recognizing the power of inspiration in my training and quite honestly in my day-to-day living. I feel like I am one of those lucky people that experience inspiration all around me. Perhaps, I am surrounded by incredibly inspiring people or maybe we all are and I have just learned to recognize it. I think both are true. Inspiration is something that not only motivates me it sustains me in all I do. I experience inspiration when someone shares his or her personal story. I experience inspiration when I witness someone responding to the need of a stranger not because they have to but because it is just the right thing to do. I experience inspiration when I encounter a person with a generous heart. I experience inspiration when I encounter someone who talks about the problems in our world with a sense of responsibility for working towards solutions. I experience inspiration when I witness a person who may be faced with something that seems like an enormous challenge and in spite of feeling like or being told they can’t, they do it anyway.

This week I have been reminded that whether we are training for a marathon or we are engaged in our own daily challenges that we need to seek inspiration to feed our own spirits. In training and in life, we get tired. There are times that we feel like we can’t do that one extra task or run that extra mile. While there are times we need to be kind to ourselves and skip the extra task or the extra mile, most times we must find a way to do that “one more” even when we think we cannot. It is only by stretching our perceived capacity that we grow and experience the potential of our capacity. This week I did a little of both. My body was tired, so I did skip out on some of the mid-week training miles during the week. This ended up paying off because I had a great 16 mile long run on Saturday. I will share some of what inspired me this week.

Dana Farber Saturday Team Run

Prior to each of our long runs we are reminded of the important work that is being done at Dana Farber by having research impact statements read. We recognize fundraising milestones made by teammates and we also hear stories of those whose lives have been impacted by cancer. This particular week we learned of a woman who had been diagnosed with cancer. She was a runner. Very soon she learned her leg would have to be amputated. When she learned of this news she responded, “I will need to get a wheel chair because I am going to start competing in that division.” I am just paraphrasing the story, but you get the sense of her relentless spirit. Wow! How can you not feel inspired by that? Whoever, you are…I am sure I am not alone when I say knowing of your experience and story helped me run stronger yesterday so thank you!

Terry Fox-Perseverance Personified

Here is a quick 2 minute video clip of Terry Fox. If you do not know of Terry and his story, take a moment to watch it. After watching and thinking about Terry Fox and his relentless spirit, I could not helped but feel inspired to run that extra mile and to strive to raise as much money as possible to support cancer research. It is time we had a cure for this horrible disease.

Jack Burke-The Power of One Family

Jack Burke is the son of a friend of mine from college, Jake Burke. Jack has neurofibromatosis, a genetic disorder causing tumors to grow on nerves throughout the body. In spite of all that his family has to deal with, they have been deeply committed to raising funds to support a cure for NF. Jake and his wife Elizabeth Burke (and of course Jack), are raising money for Children's Tumor Foundation with the inaugural Fore NF Golf Classic April 16. I am so inspired by all that this family is doing to make a difference. As I am running the Boston Marathon in hopes of a cure for cancer, they will be hosting a Golf Tournament in Atlanta to find a cure for NF. You see if we just look around us, there is this amazing effort to make our world a better place. You can read the story at http://neighbornewspapers.com/stories/Local-boy-raises-money-for-a-cure,181881. Find more information at http://www.curenfwithjack.com/. There is also a brief video, but for some reason I could not upload it here. I am guessing because the newspaper may have copyright. The youtube link is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMKh-tUkHVc&feature=g-upl&context=G2fd94acAUAAAAAAAAAA.

Joan Benoit-Just Do It!

The last source of inspiration I will share from this week is a short video clip of Joan Benoit. One of my friends from Rugby posted it on facebook this week and it was just want I needed to see. Thank you Sara Flemming! It is a Nike ad from the early 80’s. This ad is on 30 seconds and is definitely worth a quick look. I think it is a great example of that moment when we look at something and think “I don’t know” but in this ad, Joan reminds us to “just do it.”

This week I have learned, or at least was reminded that when I think I cannot,  I must seek inspiration.  Inspiration is everywhere. I just need to recognize it,  internalize it,  actualize it and do it anyway.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 12: Following my Own Rhythm and Changing my Inner Dialogue

I cannot believe that we are officially in March and that we are only 6 weeks away from the Boston Marathon. I am once again reminded of the interesting paradox within the passage of time. As I sit to write this post, I cannot believe that we are only 6 weeks away. In that aspect it feels like it has passed quickly. However, there are moments in the midst of a training week or in a run when I feel like all I have been doing is running and would give anything if the marathon would just arrive. I always try to remind myself to enjoy the journey, because before I know it, time will have passed and I will have arrived.

Fundraising Update

I always like to start off my posts with an update on the fundraising front because while the logging of miles has certainly given me a lot to think about and with, the actual fundraising is the purpose behind the running madness. As of today I have $12, 261 posted to my account and I sent of another $165 dollars that will be posted early this week. I am choosing to include this because I did actually receive the donations within the context of this week. This brings us to a grand total of $12,426. This means that we are only $674 away from the ultimate stretch fundraising goal of hitting $13,100.  

This would not be happening if I didn’t know so many incredibly generous people. I have to say that I cannot believe we are this close. I also am filled with such gratitude for so many family, friends, and co-workers generosity. The consistent theme that is woven through many of the conversations I have with people is how so many of us have been touched so closely by cancer. Some are survivors. Some are newly diagnosed. Some have loved ones battling this horrible disease. Some have lost loved ones to this horrible disease. The thread that binds us all together is not only the shared experience with such a horrible disease, but the collective response that is fighting back by supporting Dana Farber in reaching the ultimate goal- a world without cancer. So thank you!

I started this journey running in memory of Joshua, my dear friend Matt’s nephew and there is not a single run that I go on that I do not think of Joshua and his family, especially my friend Matt. No matter how tired I am, I cannot begin to imagine the enormity of the loss that he experienced when Joshua took his last breath and the loss that he continues to feel in his absence. I am so honored to be running and raising funds in his memory. As my journey has continued, I realize that in addition to running for Josh, I really run for all of those who have dealt with or are dealing with cancer and all my supporters remind me just how many people this is. So again thank you for your support and the stories you share. One step at a time, one mile at a time, and one dollar at a time we will get there!

Following my Own Rhythm

 This week was a much better week than last. I was feeling much better. I was still dealing with a little fatigue and pressure in my sinuses but after last week I will take it. I managed to log 20 miles during the week and I finished up with Stu’s 30K (18.6 miles)- a very hilly race in Clinton, MA. Going into this race, I knew it would probably be one of my toughest training runs before the marathon because the course was mostly hills. This was somewhat of a challenge to mentally prepare for, especially after having a tough training week last week. I realized that for someone who signs up for a lot of challenging races, I am not always that confident in the silent space of my own thinking. However, I have become an expert at suspending doubt.

I was very excited to be running again with my friend Annie. I was also meeting two of my Dana Farber teammates there (Linn and Heather and one of Heather's friends Meridith). It is the whole “misery loves company” feeling. At least if you are about to engage in something difficult, challenging and most likely painful, it is better to do with friends. Below is a picture we had another runner take with Heather's phone. Thanks for sending it along, Heather!

We all started together which was nice. However, as we entered the first mile or so Annie and Linn were ahead of me. They were probably running about 30 seconds faster than I knew I should be running. I know that does not sound like a lot if you do not run, but over the course of 18.6 miles, it makes a huge difference. I have been thinking a lot about the challenge I face when I run with faster runners. Their slow, might be pushing pace for me. So while it is comfortable for them, I may be feeling miserable and they may be feeling like they are holding back. So as Annie and Linn moved ahead in the pack, I stayed at the pace that I felt was where I needed to be.

I had figured that in the spirit of using this as a training run, I wanted to be at about 9:45 minute mile. This is slow for me, but I also have learned that it is finding the rhythm that works for you and one that you can run comfortably at for 3 plus hours. If I can maintain this for the marathon I will be very happy so that is where I set my pace for today. After all this was a very hilly course. In Boston, I will not hit the hills until mile 16 or so and while they are challenging there are 4 of them and then I will be done with hills. It will not be filled with anticipating the next hill followed by another and another and yes, a hill for the last mile of the race like today at Stu’s 30k.

As I drove home from the race and was talking with my mother about what a difference it is when I run at my own pace whatever that may be on any given day. We talked about the larger metaphor that exists here. We need to follow the beat of our own drum. This is not to say that it is not wonderful to share a run with a friend or teammate. There is just something magical that happens when we are able to get lost in our own rhythm. I guess in some ways it is learning to recognize when we are at our own best. I have to admit that I can be competitive and this sometimes prevents me from being at my own personal best. It is not so much about feeling like I can beat someone else, but rather that I should be able to keep pace. Some days a running partner can help to bring out the best in me. Some days it brings out the worst because I push harder than I should and then I am out of gas too early. However, today, I simply wanted to run. I wanted to face the hills as best as I could. I wanted to finish. I wanted to feel strong. Allowing myself to find and stay in my own rhythm proved to be the path to meet my goals for today.

Changing my Inner Dialogue

The second part of my “take aways” for the week is that I have the power to change my inner dialogue. You may be wondering what I mean by this. Yes, I talk to myself all the time. In fact, most people do. It is how we experience the world and interpret the way we view that experience. Coming off a rough week with being sick, I found that today’s run really gave me the opportunity to experience the power of changing my inner dialogue.

It all started as we awaited the race in the middle school gym. Many runners exchanged stories about how challenging this course would be. Others talked about how nervous they were and shared that they “feared” this course. I found myself getting sucked right in and thinking and saying to myself “Oh my god, this is going to be hard!” “Can I really do this?” “I struggled with 13.1 miles last week and that was a relatively flat course.”  “Hills are hard for me because of my asthma and the hardware in my ankle. Maybe I am crazy.” As you read this you can probably feel the building anxiety that is fueled once again by Doubt. I really wish doubt would stay at home J.

It was in the midst of all of this that I remembered the words that my mom always drilled into our heads, “Be the dominant creative force in your own life.” In fact, this quote was displayed inside the cabinets in our house. So what did I do? I told myself that I was the dominant force in my own race today. I reminded myself of a quote I read before I went to bed. It read “It is not your opponents that you need to worry about beating, it is the voice in your head that tells you that you can’t.” I love when things come together for me in my thinking. “Ok, I thought I can do this.” I was going to practice re-framing all my inner dialogue and look at it from a strengths based approach. This is something I have posted about before. It is looking at things differently.

However, today I decided I was going to use this challenging run as an exercise in changing my inner dialogue. For example, when I was thinking the thoughts listed previously I changed them. Here is what they look like from a strengths based frame. “Oh my god, this is going to be hard but think of how ready I will be for Boston. This is a great training run to get me prepared. I have run tough training runs and I can do this.” “I struggled with 13.1 miles last week and that was a relatively flat course. However, last week I was sick. It showed my strength by my willingness to finish strong in spite of being sick. This week I feel good. I am ready and I am strong.”  “Hills are hard for me because of my asthma and the hardware in my ankle. Maybe I am crazy.” “Yes, Kerry you are crazy but the good kind of crazy. You have asthma but you run smart. Hills are hard but when you run the smart you are in charge. Yes, you have 8 screws a pin and a plate in your ankle. You will not sprain your ankle that is for sure. Also, be grateful that you are running. There are many people who cannot run and hello, there are people who do not have legs and run. You are strong.

See, it is amazing how you can move from being your own road block to your own biggest cheerleader. I will admit that this is easier in the beginning and gets tougher as the miles pile up. There were times that this was a challenge but interestedly enough even when I felt tired and when doubt tried to join the conversation, using and re-framing my inner dialogue was a great distraction. This was a good thing because I ran solo today. I will also share that running for Dana Farber with the ultimate goal of raising funds to support cancer research is a great check for perspective. When I hit that ugly space when I hurt and I ask myself “why is it that I am running anyway?” I always have an answer. I am running because I believe someday we will live in a world without cancer, and once step, one mile, and one dollar at a time I am moving towards that space. That does not need any re-framing.

With gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 11: Get Over It! Sometimes our Plans Don’t Match What Life Brings

Week 11 is officially done and this has actually been my lowest mileage week. It was really not by choice. After last weeks 20 mile run I ended up coming down with what I thought was a cold but it ended up being a sinus infection. Needless to say it was both frustrating and disappointing because I had actually taken this past week off from work to get some work done on a course I will be teaching this summer and to also get some running in outside during the week. Once again I was reminded that even with planning we are not always in control of things as much as we would like to be. While it was frustrating and disappointing, a sinus infection is not the worst of things for sure and at least I had taken the week of so I was able to get the rest I needed. So this week I only logged 13.1 miles and I did then all today during the Hyannis Half Marathon. The course was beautiful but I felt pretty horrible for the majority of the run. However, the good side was I was running with a friend from college-Annie G. Here is a picture of us after we finished and had changed.

Fundraising Update:

 As of today, $10,861 has been posted to my fundraising website. However, when I arrived home there was also an envelope waiting for me with another $250 check which places the total fundraising for this week to $11,111. It was so great to come home to a donation after a very challenging run. I love when these reminders appear and bring me back to why I am running!! This means we are $1,989 dollars away from the new goal of $13,100. Can we raise another $2000 in 49 days? Well, if I finished the race today with as bad as I felt, I would say “yes, it is definitely possible.”

So once again, I really just want to express my complete gratitude for the incredible generosity of so many friends, family, and supporters. This would not be possible without all of your support. We really are dreaming a world without cancer one mile and one donation at a time. I truly am so inspired by our collective conscious not only recognizing that we can make a difference, but bringing that awareness to action. We are one strong team-there is no doubt about that.

Sometimes our plans don’t match what life brings

 As I drove home from the Cape today, I kept thinking about what lingering thoughts I could possibly write about in my blog this week. After all, today I felt like a big wimp today. However, I am a firm believer that there is a lesson to be extracted from even not so great runs which I am discovering because lately I have had more “not so great runs.” I am so due for a good one soon.  I didn’t actually do that bad for me in the half marathon. My time was 2:04:15 which translates into a 9:29 minute mile. This is a good pace and actually what I often run at for a longer distance. However, today was a very sloppy run for me and it was more how I felt. I was all over the place. I felt horrible for most of it and probably had to stop about 6 times in the second half because I actually kept feeling dizzy. I think this was a result of not being hydrated enough and having been sick. Perhaps the antibiotic was also playing a part. Who knows?  So if my week was disappointing because I did not get the running and work done that I wanted to, today’s half marathon was the frosting on the cake.

I do always try to look at things from a place of gratitude and this week certainly needs a bit of re-framing. First, I was sick this week but I was able to be sick and to rest. I was fortunate to have taken the week of anyway. I am also fortunate to access to health care and to the medicine that I needed to get better. Also, feeling terrible while running a half marathon that is looking at the scenic Atlantic Ocean is also not a bad thing. So what? I had to stop a bunch of times. I didn’t break 2 hours like I would have expected after all the training I have been doing but I had the opportunity to run with a friend from college who was very patient with me. I was really not a fun person to run with today. Thanks Annie G! Next week will be better for sure!

Get Over It

As I drove home from the Cape the lingering lesson for me this week was -get over it! Life does not always happen as we plan it. The more time we spend frustrated about it the more we remain in our own way. It is actually pretty freeing when we can simply accept that things are not always what we expected or hoped for because then we can actually appreciate what actually transpired. It is really amazing what re-framing can do. Suddenly I found myself in a place of feeling proud of my sloppy run. After all, I was not feeling well and I still managed to get out there and run a half marathon and to keep at it even though I felt horrible. I will add the disclaimer that I did stop when I did not feel well because I also recognize there is a fine line between pushing through something and not making wise choices. I think I balanced this line pretty well today. The only thing that I really would do differently is to have carried my own water bottle. This way I could have kept hydrated better.

I am looking forward to getting back to work and a week of feeling stronger. I will gladly get my miles in this week and I look forward to Stu’s 30K race in Clinton next Sunday. This is a very hilly and challenging course and I will be ready for it! Or as ready as I can be! I also end this week and look forward to next week filled with gratitude for our many successes on the fundraising front! We are really making such great strides and that is actually the driving force behind all this running. To think that we have passed 10K and are now less than 2K away from a total of $13.1K to support cancer research.  This is where the real progress is made. Enjoy the week!

With gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 10: Tired Legs and Labored Lungs meet a Relentless Spirit

It is hard to believe that it is already February. I must say that I certainly picked a great year to be training for the Boston Marathon. Who would have guessed that we would have 40 degree days in February? Although, I say that cautiously because the hearty New Englander knows that Mother Nature can change her mind at any time and remind us of life’s unpredictability. So, for today I will simply appreciate the warmer weather that has made training easier, and at times, even enjoyable. However, I will also be ready for whatever may come our way because in New England anything is possible. As of today I have logged 283.1 training miles since December 12, 2011.

Fundraising Update

Each week when I post, I feel as if I lament about how “tough” the week has been. I am not going to do that this week. Quite simply, it is supposed to be tough. Training for a marathon and raising $13, 100 is not a small undertaking. So yes, it has been another “tough” week but it was also a week of major milestones in our effort to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal- “a world without cancer” so I am really seeing the fruits of our labor.  This week we passed the $10,000 fundraising goal and I logged my first 20 mile run!

Below is a picture of me with Chris Dubuc at our Dana Farber team run this past Sunday! Thank you to Chris and his mom Sandy for being out there supporting us while also honoring Matty. When I see the Dubuc Family, I cannot help but be inspired to want to do more, run longer, or suck it up when I need too (which is on most long runs). Perhaps it is because of their incredible strength in all that they have endured and continue to endure and the way they enter each day with such a deep commitment to honoring Matty while working relentlessly to make the world a better place for others. I am sure I am not alone when I say that when I see them I hear “Don’t Stop Believing” in my head. So a very special thank you to the Dubuc family for your inspiration!

This week I was so incredibly excited to see that we not only met my initial goal of $10,000 but that we are well on our way to reaching my double stretch goal of $13,100. When I say “double stretch goal” I mean that initially I felt $10K was a stretch. I was not sure how we would get there, but like running a marathon where you train mile by mile, with fundraising, it is your generosity one donation at a time that is bringing us to our goal.  WOW!! As of today, $10,661 has been posted to my fundraising page. This is $851 dollars more than last week when I posted. We are just $2,439 away from $13,100. As I look at these numbers I feel the same way I did when I was running the hills of Newton yesterday. I ask myself, “Can we really do this?” I pause, take a deep breath and tell myself “yes” and with a steady and sometimes slowed to almost a stopped stride, I put one foot in front of the other. I don’t always know how I am going to get there, but I can say with great confidence, we will get there. So thank you to each and every one of you that is helping to make this possible!! Collectively we are making great strides towards a world without cancer and in the process we are honoring the many loved ones in our lives that have faced or are facing such a horrible disease.

The Passage of Time

Yesterday I ran the longest distance that I have run since 1995 when I ran the Boston Marathon as a bandit with my friend Beth and my cousin Meg. This was 17 years ago. This was also the year that my dear friend Matt (I am running in memory of his nephew Josh) and I graduated from college. I spent a great deal of time on the run yesterday thinking about the passage of time and was filled with gratitude for my family and friends who have been on this journey with me. Years certainly slip by. I kept thinking that the first time I ran the marathon was 20 years ago. How can that be? I will also add the disclaimer that after 1995 I did not run regularly until 2010.

 It is amazing how much has changed since then. I remember training in weather that would keep most inside. We did not have the luxury of dry fit clothing. We kept warm by wearing garbage bags underneath our heaving cotton turtle necks and sweatshirts. However, when we finished our runs we had icicles on our eye brows and our faces were chapped from the winter winds.  We did not have fancy fuel belts to carry water and other items we may need. I actually remember a training run when Beth and I were attempting 18 miles. We used old tube socks to hold our water bottles and then used a shoe lace to tie the sock around our waste. Fortunately, there were smarter engineers working on this over the last years because the sock did not work very well. I think we actually threw them away about a mile or two into the run. We were young and just ran dehydrated.

We also did not have iPods; a luxury that college students of today cannot fully appreciate. We had clunky walkmans which I either carried or wore around my waist in a fanny pack. When they came out with “auto reverse” this was a huge improvement because we would not have to flip the tape while we were running. We had the choice of having a cassette tape of a favorite band or making a mix tape by recording either from the radio when songs played or by taping a song from tape to tape. The first time I ran Boston I actually ran to Billy Joel’s greatest hits. Billy Joel’s music will always have a special place in my heart.  In fact, many days I listen to “Allen Town” on my way to the gym or before a run. There is something about the rhythm and cadence that says to me “its time to get to work.” It is also part of a very powerful memory and metaphor that has anchored much of my adult life-we can do anything if we are willing to put one foot in front of the other and move towards a goal.

 I loved Billy Joel but after 4 plus hours, I realized if I ran it again, I would need to have more of a variety. I loved making mix tapes. It could take an entire day to get the songs in the right order. In fact, I think it was in 1995 that I mapped out the course and actually tried to order the songs on my mix tape so they would play at a certain point in the marathon. For example, I wanted the song “I saw the sign” by Ace of Base to play as I passed the CITGO sign in Kenmore Square. This was a major undertaking because it was really a giant math problem. I had to figure the length of the song and factor in my projected pace all within the context of a 90 minute cassette tape which meant that I would hear each song several times. This added to the excitement of the marathon when songs actually fell when I wanted them to. I don’t remember how it all worked. I do know that “I saw the sign” came at the right time.

Today we have dry fit clothing. We have Ipods and cell phones. We have fuel belts. We have GU gel. As members of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team, we have amazing volunteers that have water stops every three miles on our training runs. It is a drastically different experience, however many of the lessons are the same.I can't help myself from imagining what my post would be like twenty years from now if cancer research is supported in the next twenty years in the same way advances in technology have been supported and funded over the last 20 years. Twenty years ago, I did not have a cell phone. Actually I did not have a computer. Today, my cell phone tells me where I am with GPS, allows people to send me messages via email, Facebook, and text messaging. I would have never thought that was possible. So I am confident that we must continue dreaming a world without cancer and keep working towards it. It only remains out of our reach if we believe it to be and if we are not willing to stretch.

When Tired Legs and Labored Lungs meet a Relentless Spirit

 My lesson this week is not a new one. In fact, it is one that I have learned and relearned throughout my life. It is the lesson that is echoed in the words of Phil Riley, “just don’t stop.” This week, I was reminded that running the hills in Newton is more than challenging. Especially when you arrive at the hills after you have already run 16 miles. On our training run we ran the hills out and back which meant we hit hills on the 10 miles out to Wellesley and then hit the famous hills of Newton including heartbreak hill as we will meet the on the day of the marathon.  

Training is supposed to be hard. However, I am reminded that it is not just the body that we are preparing for such a challenge. In fact, if I had to choose a strong body or a strong mind, I think I would go with the strong mind, especially, when hills are involved. Fortunately for me, we are training both our bodies and our mind. Anyone that has run the Boston Marathon or who has watched runners from the sidelines anywhere along the hills in Newton knows that this is a test of mind over matter. It is a place where many runners slow to a walk. This is ok. The importance is that you find a way to release the relentless spirit that keeps you going.

I believe that while we train to run a marathon, we are really training to run miles 16-26.2. For me, this has been a place where my most tired self meets my strongest self. My legs are tired, my lungs are labored, but my relentless spirit is just awakening. I am aware of her presence in the moment that my stride has slowed its stride or even slowed to a walk so I can catch my breath. I recognize my fatigue because my muscles are not sure they can carry me. My lungs are labored and feel like they are on overtime. However, my relentless spirit is awake and reassures me that even if I am walking bristly for a moment, I will return to running and I will not only get up the hill, I will find my way to the finish line in spite of my tired legs and labored lungs.

Fueled by a Greater Purpose

Running as a member of the Dana Farber Team cultivates a relentless spirit. After all, I am not running simply because I want to finish a marathon. I am running to honor a very special boy named Josh. He did not have a choice when faced with cancer. He simply faced it with his family and my dear friend Matt by his side. I am so inspired by their love, strength and courage-their relentless spirit- and my training and fundraising aims to honor them and their grieving hearts. I have also learned about so many others who have battled or who are battling with this horrible disease and quite honestly, I just feel so proud to be part of such an amazing team.  When I think of Cancer it mostly makes me feel powerless. Running with Dana Farber makes me feel strong. We are doing what we can and at the core of my being, I believe we are making a difference. We are not only dreaming a world without cancer, we are relentlessly pursuing it. I am not quite sure how we will get there but my relentless spirit tells me that step by step, mile by mile and dollar by dollar we will get there. A world without cancer is possible and we are doing what we can to make it happen. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 9: Sometimes We Need to Make Adjustments but there are No Shortcuts

Week 9 is officially behind me and let me just say this was a tough week. As I type that, I feel like that is a pretty consistent theme- “It’s tough.” This week, I really struggled to get the miles in and was not really feeling at the top of my game. I am very proud that while I struggled, I survived and quite honestly I believe I will be stronger because of it. Of course, the motivation of running for such a special and strong boy named Josh keeps me focused on our greater sense of purpose.  As I close out week 9, I have now logged 247 miles since December 12^th and 38 of those miles was this week. Wow! No kidding it was tough.  It is really a good thing that training is broken down into daily and weekly miles. It was just two short months ago that I sat here typing my first post. Had I thought too much about the actually enormity of what was in front of me, I think I would have been more overwhelmed. My “take away”-life is much easier when we break it into manageable steps.

Fundraising Update

As I type, we have raised $9810 with $9660 posted to my fundraising page. I have sent in two checks that have not posted yet. This is $350 dollars more than when I posted last week. So we are continuing to make great strides. I know I have said this before, but I am so incredibly grateful for all the support that I have received from friends, family and coworkers. You really help keep me going. After all, it is raising funds for cancer research that is the real purpose behind the madness of the miles. I will just share briefly and example of how much this helps. This morning I woke up early because I was going to be running 16 miles. When I woke, there was an email waiting for me. It read, “Congratulations you received a donation from…….” Here was my reminder of my greater sense of purpose. It moved me within moments from feeling like “I just want to get this damn run done” to “I am so excited to be running today because I am doing so much more than running.” So thank you to everyone who has already so generously contributed! I also want to encourage anyone that has not had a chance to contribute to think about doing so within the next two months. I really believe that we can reach $13.1K and to do so, we really need to stretch the boundaries of what we think we can do. All donations, both big and small help bring us closer.

Sometimes We Need to Make Adjustments

Running teaches me so much. I had high hopes of blogging more often in hopes of sharing my journey and experiences, but what time has demonstrated is that I can do this once a week. So I have tried to make my posts focus on an overall theme that emerged for me during the week. Week 9 has taught me that sometimes we need to make adjustments to our plans and more specifically to our training. However, adjustments do not mean shortcuts. I am someone that often thinks in both metaphor and in short stories so I will anchor this theme with a short story that a colleague shared with me during a meeting. This colleague was actually sharing a story that had been shared with her by a colleague who was retelling a story told by her pastor. Are you still with me? It is not important to know the origin of the story, other than it is one that has been retold because the meaning proved significant for a number of us this week. So, I too will retell it briefly.

The pastor explained to his congregation that he recently got a new car. This car was a standard, not an automatic. Now this pastor did not know how to drive a standard. I immediately connected with this story because my first “new car” was also a standard and I too did not know how to drive it when I first picked it up. He described the difficulty with trying to get the car to drive and as he told the story, he moved back and forth to motion the kind of bucking back and forth that takes place when you are not in gear. As my colleague was retelling the story, I had memories of being close to tears when I experienced this with my car because I felt as if I could not go anywhere. However, as the pastor continued on with the story, he explained that when he finally shifted it and it went into gear, things got smoother. This was like a magical “Ah ha” moment. The pastor’s telling of this story made the connection to life and how sometimes we feel we are not getting anywhere what we need to do is shift. Shift our place, perspective or perhaps our attitude.

This story stuck with me because this week I had to do quite a bit of adjusting with my running and most often I felt like I was not getting anywhere because I was so run down and quite simply, exhausted. Making adjustments is hard and I know that the image of bouncing back and forth in a standard really helped. Sometimes adjustments, even as slight as shifting a gear can make all the difference. So this week I decided to take Friday off from work as a rest day. I had not had a day off in a long time and my body was telling me that I needed it. Of course after making the decision to take Friday off to catch up on some rest, Mother Nature had different plans.

Our team run was scheduled for Saturday and all the weather reports were suggesting that we were going to have a snow storm. While I certainly appreciate the character building experience of running in challenging conditions, I was so run down that I did not think this would be helpful and perhaps could even move me from exhaustion to being sick. I did not want to chance it. So I made the decision to use my rest day on Friday as an opportunity to get in my long run. After all it was a beautiful day in the 40’s. I figured that this “little adjustment” would just mean that I would rest on Saturday.

I went out for a 16 mile run on Friday and even though it was a beautiful day; my body was not accepting this change of plans. I was incredibly tired as I ran and it was not a tired that I could push through, although, I did try. It was almost comical to look at my Garmin report after the run. Some miles were at an 8:20 min pace and others were at a 9:40 pace. It was almost as if I ran faster at times as a way to fight the fatigue yet I never felt like I was going fast. It more felt like the image of driving a standard without knowing how to shift. I felt like I was not going anywhere. Sometimes we need to listen to our bodies and this was one of those times.  I ended up cutting the run short and only logged 11.5 miles. This was really the wise thing to do because I really wasn’t sure if I had enough energy to walk the remaining 4.5 miles never mind running them. I was disappointed but once again I had to readjust my readjustment.

Saturday arrived and would you guess that when I woke, there was no snow. Go figure. I could have rested Friday and run with the team on Saturday. However, having logged 11.5 miles on Friday and not having actually rested, I did not attend the team run. This was a huge lesson for me in learning to adjust. Even when we have everything all mapped out, sometimes life has other plans for us. I rested on Saturday. I visited my beautiful Nephew which was a treat, but other than that I am not sure I accomplished anything. It was just the rest that I needed. However looming was the realization that I still had not logged a16 mile run.  

There are no Shortcuts

There are some weeks when less is more. This was not one of them. Next weekend I have a 20 mile run and quite honestly, I believe the long run is the most important one of the week. It is the run that not only tests our physical endurance, but more importantly our mental toughness. I was not sick and after a good night sleep on Saturday by Sunday morning I was feeling more rested. However, the price that I would have to pay for resting on Saturday would be running in single digit temperatures with strong winds and alone, or taking it inside on the treadmill otherwise know as the “dreadmill.” Neither is overly inviting. Some may think the treadmill is the easier of the two, while others would run in any conditions rather than be on a treadmill for that long.  I just think it is a different type of challenge. I choose to take it indoors because while it would certainly test my mental toughness running that long on a treadmill, I really did not think the cold air would be all that great for my asthma.

So today, I woke at 6am so I could properly hydrate. I arrived at the gym about 7:15am and was running by 7:30am. I was determined to log my 16 mile run. You do get a lot of funny looks when you run that long inside. In fact, I think there were 4 or 5 people that worked out on the machine next to me. I had to help myself get over the fact that I was making another adjustment by running inside. I kept thinking “maybe I should just go outside.” However, something told me to stick with my plan and run inside. I am so glad that I did.

The treadmill gave me an opportunity to really focus on keeping steady pace. It was getting it into the “right gear” which I hadn’t been able to do all week. Today I met with success-as boring as it was. The result was not feeling exhausted and I actually felt like I was holding myself back. Patience and persistence were my friends today.  I was only running about 10 seconds slower than I typically do, but this small adjustment made the world of difference. I also experimented with GU-gel which I now love and will be using on all long runs. Being on the treadmill also gave me the opportunity to really focus on so much that I don’t pay attention to when I am outside such as pace and stride. So I am glad with the choice I made and even more relieved that I have logged the miles.

The treadmill was an adjustment not a short cut. This week I had to make a number of adjustments, however I logged all my miles with a few extra. It may not have been as I planned but I have learned that sometimes making an adjustment or several can make all the difference in the world. I also learned that sometimes these adjustments get us to the proverbial finish line smarter and stronger but there are really no shortcuts.

In that same sense, there are no short cuts to dreaming a world without cancer. We cannot get there without research and research requires funding.  Recognizing this is what keeps my steps in stride and serves as the constant reminder of the importance of what we are doing by raising funds to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal-a world without cancer. There are no short cuts. It requires our collective efforts and support. Thank you for being on this journey with me. We are dreaming a world without cancer and step by step, mile by mile and dollar by dollar someday we will get there.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D