Week 7: There are No Shortcuts

When we aspire to do big things, we are often reminded that there are no shortcuts to achieve them. This is something I am constantly reminded of as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. There are no short cuts to finding a cure for cancer. It requires the work of many scientists and researchers which requires continued funding and support for such work. This is why we run.We are doing our part to raise funds to support a world without cancer.  There are no short cuts when preparing to run a marathon. Our body only becomes ready to run a 26.2 after a consistent commitment to logging many miles. This week our commitment was tested. Many days this week were close to zero degrees.We may have made adjustments to our training but we continued to log the miles.

Fundraising Update

 We continue to move towards our goal of $10,000. This week there is $5787.45 posted to my fundraising page which is $75 dollars more than last week and I have also sent in checks that total an additional $490. This will bring us to a total of $6,277.45. This means we are $3,722.55 away from our goal with 11 weeks to go. I am so grateful to so many of you who have once again contributed so generously. I am also confident that with continued support we will continue to make progress each week and that by April 15, 2013 we will reach our goal. If you have not had a chance to make a donation, please consider doing so this week to help us keep moving towards our goal. I cannot do it without you.

There Are No Shortcuts

 This week temperatures made it challenging to run outside. In fact, our Dana Farber Team long run was cancelled due to the extremely cold temperatures and the wind chill factor. I have come to realize while I may be able to make adjustments to my weekly runs, the long run for me is the most important. It is not only logging the miles, it is also maintaining my confidence that I can go that far as well as continuing to develop my ability to endure the inevitable wall that I hit when running longer distances. It is not simply training our body to be able to physically endure the distance; it is also training our mind to stay with it even when we think we cannot. So when this weeks run was cancelled, I made arrangements with my friend, teammate and running buddy, Steve. We decided to meet at the gym and face 14 miles on the treadmill (otherwise known as the dread mill) together. Not only would this be challenging to run 14 miles, but for anyone that runs on a treadmill, you know how mentally challenging this can be.

Steve and I ran on treadmills right next to each other. I cannot begin to express how much this helped. I guess there is truth to the “misery loves company” or actually in the spirit of last weeks post about attitude, I think I will recognize the power of team that I discussed in week 5. It is amazing how each week’s lessons seem to weave together. I will not pretend this weeks run was easy. It was anything but easy. At times I found myself questioning how I could expect to run a marathon when logging 14 miles felt so difficult. I then would remind myself that so much of marathon training and actually completing a marathon is learning to be mentally strong. So, I really reframed this weeks run. It was not about the miles, but about enduring wanting to stop and resisting the wall. To be honest, I was more bored than tired. Running on a treadmill for 2 hours and 16 minutes is a long time without a change of scenery. Again, I am so grateful for Steve because in the midst of my boredom I never felt along and I never forgot why I am running. I am running to support Dana Farber’s Ultimate Goal: A World without Cancer. When we aspire for big things, there are no short cuts. One mile and one dollar at a time we are making a difference. Will you help bring us that one step closer? Please remember that no donation is too small. Collectively we become a powerful force when we commit to do what we can to make a difference.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 6: Attitude is Everything

Life often feels like a bumpy ride. This is certainly what this training season has been so far. I have arrived at week five with such mixed emotions. I am so honored to be part of such an amazing team and such an important effort-we are running to support a world without cancer. Yet, like many who have had cold or the flu this winter, I am growing tired of the lingering cough and the many challenges that brings with my asthma. Of course this is minor in comparison to the many challenges faced by those for whom many of us run and I will never loose sight of that perspective.

Fundraising Update

I am happy to report that while fundraising has been slow for me in comparison to last year, with the generous support of many family, friends, and co-workers, I am currently at $5,712.45. This is more than halfway towards my goal of $10,000. I thank those of you who have already donated. I recognize that this is the second year I am asking for your support. However, I am sure if you look around at people in your own life you will see that we have many miles and many dollars to go to supporting a world without cancer. I have continued my commitment to Dana Farber and to logging miles and I hope you will continue to show your support in any way you can. Please remember that any amount is appreciated. Collectively our donations add up and support the amazing research that is taking place at Dana Farber. My goal is to continue to see the dollars increase each week. Perhaps you will be one that helps me reach my fundraising goal this week?

Choose your attitude

We cannot always choose our situation, but often we do have the power to choose our attitude which influences how we experience it. This is often incredibly challenging. I have been accused of being a “positive Patty” or a “snow globe” which I actually accept with great pride. However, I must admit that while I do tend to see the positive this requires great effort which others may not always see. I do not always arrive at the positive immediately. In fact, I am one who embraces the struggle to get there. This week was yet another example of being challenged to “walk my own talk.” You see, I am often one to tell others that struggle is good. It is what makes us stronger. In fact, conceptually, I do not believe that we achieve our potential unless we are willing to engage in struggle. Without struggle we only experience what we can already do, not the possibility of what we potentially can do. While these words make sense to me, I am reminded this week that doing something is harder than believing in the idea of something.

For those that are close to me you may know that I have been struggling a lot with my asthma this season. It began in early December with bronchitis and has lingered now for almost 7 weeks. I have been through two rounds of antibiotics and last week started a steroid treatment. Needless to say, logging the miles has not been easy. I have tried really hard to balance taking care of myself with also logging the miles that I need to stay on track. I am driven by the importance of why we are running: to support cancer research and a world without cancer. I have tried to embrace the struggle. I took most of this week off from running to give my body some rest and to let the steroids do their trick. In the past this has been what has worked for me. It is a quick 6 day treatment.

Yesterday, I had hoped to be able to do 14-15 miles for my weekly long run. Running with the team always adds such perspective and the company helps to pass the time. I actually felt ok for most of the run. Again, it was not an easy run but given all that I have been dealing with my expectations did not include an “easy 14-15” miles. However, I wanted to get it done. I was filled with gratitude to have such amazing teammates to run with on a chilly Saturday. Our training runs typically consist of an out and back route. This allows for water stops and for teammates to choose a variety of distances. When we arrived at the second water stop we decided that we would run out to the last one instead of turning around half-way to make it the 15 miles we had planned. After all, what was an extra mile?

On our way back I started to struggle quite a bit and was experiencing terrible cramping and discomfort in my legs in particular my calf muscles. This sometimes happens if ones salt balance is not right; however I sometimes get tired legs but never have issues with cramping like this. When we arrived at the last water stop which was at mile 12.7, I talked to our coach about it briefly. He always asks such great questions. He asked something like “what is different this week?” I had explained that as a result of the asthma I had started a round of steroids. He then explained that he had a friend who had a similar issue and he ended up tearing his calf muscle and suggested that I not push it. This was not something I wanted risk. There are times to push through and there are times to heed the advice of others. It was not easy for me to cut out on the last leg of the training run. In fact, I was quite disappointed. I am a push through kind of person. However, I worked at reframing it realized that I had run just about 13 miles in spite of the difficulties I have had with my asthma. This is actually pretty good.

So, at mile 12.7 I hopped in the car with our coach, Jack Fultz who brought me back to the Longfellow Club. He is such an amazing coach and for those who do not know, he won the Boston Marathon in 1976.  I was appreciative of the ride, and although I knew I was making a smart decision, it was still not easy. I was reminded at how important attitude is when later in the day I received a text message from a teammate and a old high school friend with whom I had been running with earlier and she said, “you added another highlight to your long list: getting personally chauffeured by a Boston Marathon winner.” I smiled, and thought she is absolutely right. Today was a good day. Thank you to Elaine for reminding me how very important it is to choose our attitude. Now on to week 6!

With Gratitude,

Kerry

Week 5: The Collective Power of Team

The passage of time always seems to take me by surprise. I am not sure if that is because we often neglect the power of pause and breathing space or because we simply pack so much into our days that our days quickly merge into weeks, months and years leaving us with the recurring question, “where does the time go?” Well, I am going to accept that it is probably a little bit of both. Stopping to write up a weekly blog is creating a space for pause and reflection, yet the passage of time still surprises me. As I write this week’s post, we are now just 13 weeks away from the marathon. This is both exciting and overwhelming. I am finding my groove and have accepted the many challenges that exist in front of me.  We have a ways to go with the training and many miles to log and a long way to go with the fundraising, one dollar and donation at a time. 

Fundraising Update

This year I have been a bit slower with the fundraising. With the generosity of many friends, family and colleagues, we have raised $5,346.20 which is about halfway to my conservative goal of $10,000. This is quite a bit behind last year, however I have not sent out as many reminders because I am hopeful that many of you who contributed last year will once again step up and support such an important effort-working towards a world without cancer. We certainly do not need to look far for the reminder of just how important this effort is. I am sure most of us know someone if not many who have been impacted by cancer and if you haven’t, unfortunately you probably will. Fighting cancer is all of our responsibility. So, I thank those who have already supported this critical effort. You are part of our extended Marathon Challenge Team! For those who have not yet made a contribution, please consider joining us in this important effort. Every donation brings us a step closer. Individually we are strong; collectively we are a powerful force.

The Collective Power of Team

 Training to run a marathon is hard. Raising $10,000 or more is also hard. Finding a cure for cancer is hard. Perhaps it is suppose to be. Hard is not something that discourages me. In fact, the challenge is a call to action. I am also a firm believer that “many hands (or shall I say feet) makes light (or lighter) work.” This is something that really resonated with me this week. As I mentioned in last weeks post, I have really been struggling with my breathing. It started with Bronchitis in early December and has continued. This week I began a second round of antibiotics and was feeling much better. However, the weekly runs were still tough.

 Our Team Run was in Lexington this week and the mileage was 10-12 miles. There is something magical that happens on Team Runs. For me, it is the reminder that I am not one person training for a marathon; I am a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. I find myself in a room full of people who are all driven by a shared sense of purpose- a world without cancer. Everyone in the room has joined the team because cancer has impacted their life in some way. Some of our teammates are cancer survivors. Some have lost parents, sisters, brothers, children and friends. Some of us are running and some of us are volunteering. All of us are doing what we can to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal- a world without cancer.  I think I mentioned last week that we begin our runs by coming together as a team to hear the “Barr Impact” Statements. This reminds us all of the research that is being done and the reason we are hitting the pavement and logging so many miles. This week we were all crowded into the basement of Boston’s Running Company Store in Lexington. As we were standing and listing to team announcements, a woman came up to me. She was a volunteer for the day. She stood beside me and whispered, “thank you for running! I am going to try not to cry. I had cancer this summer and really appreciate what you are doing.” How is that for perspective? It was all I needed to fuel my run yesterday. As I listened to the gratitude of this woman and stood in a crowded room of runners who were ready to hit the road, I was so honored to be part of such an important effort. 

 As we left the store and began our run on the Lexington Bike Path, I was reminded of how much I have grown to love running with a group. This was a major change for me because I was always a solo runner. Our group this week included some veteran runners and also a number of first time marathoners. How exciting. I think one of my favorite things about running in a group is the collective sounds of our feet hitting the ground. It is a reminder that we are not doing this alone. I have learned that even on days when I am not sure I am going to be able to go the distance that it becomes possible when I am with my teammates. We talk about why we are running. We talk about our goals. We challenge each other to think about how realistic the goals are. One of my favorite reminders this week came from a teammate who has run many marathons. As we were sharing some of our goals, he reminded us that above and beyond all goals, we must remember the number one goal is to get to the starting line as healthy as possible. This is true for life too. Sometimes in pursuit of a goal we forget the most important is to take care of ourselves as we work towards our goals.

 In the end this week long run was 12.5 miles. I was so filled with gratitude for the friends that I have met through the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. I appreciate their companionship on runs and their collective commitment and effort in supporting a world without cancer. Running with such a great group reminds me that we achieve great things when we are willing to push the capacity of what we think is possible. We are not just running to log miles, we are running to raise money to support cancer research and a world without cancer. I cannot think of a better way to spend a Saturday morning.

With gratitude,

Kerry

Week 4: New Beginnings

Happy New Year! Today was the second official Dana Farber Team run which means we are now 14 weeks away from the Boston Marathon. Yikes!  As part of my marathon training and fundraising, I also aim to keep a weekly blog during the 18 weeks of training. This gives me the opportunity to document and share my journey with friends, family and supporters. Well, here I am at the end of week 4 and I missed week 2 and week 3. This is not such a great start. I could blame the craziness of the end of the semester and the holidays and that certainly played a part. However, to be quite honest, this year I have simply not been able to find my rhythm (disclaimer: this does not mean that I will not find it).

As the official training season began I developed bronchitis which can be challenging with my asthma. However, I tend to see the glass half full so I saw this as a blessing that it happened at the beginning of the season when there is plenty of wiggle room for catching up on the miles. Certainly there are lots of people who deal with a lot more difficult things that labored breathing. Well, like many who have been sick this season, I am still coughing and being challenged by it. Running has become one of my greatest teachers. Today I was reminded that many times when we cannot find our rhythm we can choose to start again. Before I share my thoughts on my “ah ha” moment of today’s run, let me give you a fundraising update because after all, this is the reason I am logging the miles and once again running the Boston Marathon- to raise funds to support cancer research and Dana Farber’s Ultimate goal: a world without cancer.  

Fundraising Update

As of today, my fundraising page reflects that $5,386.20 has already been donated. THANK YOU!  I cannot begin to express my incredible gratitude for the many friends, family member and colleagues who have stepped up and made donations for the second year in a row to support me and my teammates in this incredibly important effort. My goal this year is to raise at least $10,000. Last year with all of your support I raised over $15,000. Some might ask why my initial goal is lower than last year. Well, last year my initial goal was actually $7,000. I am someone who likes to under promise and over deliver. While I believe it is completely possible to exceed my goal as we did last year, I want to be cautiously optimistic. So if you have donated already, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are once again part of this incredible effort that is working toward a world without cancer. If you have not donated yet, I ask you to please consider making a donation. It does not matter how big or how small, collectively our donations add up and make a very powerful push toward a world without cancer. If you are unable to make a donation, you can support with words of encouragement. Every bit helps. So thank you to all of you who are here for year two! We have 14 weeks to go.  I cannot do this without your support.

New Beginnings

Ok, let’s get back to the “ah ha” moment about new beginnings. Running truly has become one of my greatest teachers and the amazing thing is that while I know this to be true, her lessons always take me by surprise. I had shared that I have not yet seemed to find my rhythm this training season. Like many, I have been sick and struggling to get back to 100%. The holidays came and were filled with great times with family and friends. For me, this included a trip to Colorado for my cousins wedding the week before Christmas. This was so wonderful to spend time with both family and friends.  I have managed to get in all of my longer runs with the longest being 11 miles so it has not been a complete bust. Although, none of these long runs have come easy but they have been logged. Last year at this time, I had logged one 15 miler but I still have time to catch up. Where I have struggled is getting all my weekly runs and balancing it all.

So I arrived at today’s run both excited and nervous. My breathing continues to be labored especially when I run. However, something magical happens when running with the Dana Farber Team. I remember why I am running and am surrounded by so many amazing people that the labored breathing is simply a sign to slow the pace. It is not about going fast. It is about moving forward with a purpose. The team met today at the Mount Auburn Club in Watertown. As we gather for morning announcements and an overview of the course, we are also reminded of why we are there. We are introduced to specific research projects that are taking place at Dana Farber when a teammate and board member reads one of the Barr Impact Statements. We all stretch and listen. This is not your average Sunday morning run. We are charged with a purpose: a world without cancer.

Jack Fultz (our coach), me, Steve and Elaine at mile 6

 The team was off. We started to make our way over to the Boston Marathon course through Brighton for our training run. My “ah ha” moment or lesson for today came at mile 2. This was not very far into the 12 mile run and certainly not what I would have expected to happen. My breathing was labored but it was cold. I figured if we found the right pace and as I adjusted to the cold, I would be fine. Then we started our way up the first hill good size hill. The dry heaves started. I had hoped it would pass. However, they did not. I found myself on the side of the road throwing up. This is perhaps more details than I should share, however it is very relevant to the lesson. I was running with my good friend Elaine. She was so patient and asked if I was alright. As other teammates passed they all asked if I was ok too. Lovely, I thought to myself. It is only the second run and I am getting sick maybe at mile two. “I am a hot mess,” I thought. Then after a few minutes, I felt better.

Elaine and I started to run again. It was then I decided that the run was starting over. I was not going to think about how terrible it is to get sick at mile two or worry that because I got sick that I would not be able to continue. Instead, I simply changed my thinking to “the run starts now.” It was not the greatest run I have had, but it was wonderful to be running with a high school friend. In my head I reminded myself I was not only training for a marathon. I was part of an effort working toward a world without cancer.

Steve, Kerry and Elaine: Miles Logged!

 Lesson from Team Run # 2

I was not thrilled to have gotten sick today. However, shortly after I did feel much better. My breathing was still labored a bit, but I was reminded that in any given moment we can shift our energy and begin again. Most often we cannot control our environment or what happens but we can control how we respond to it. As I drove home from the team run, I no longer felt bad that I had not yet found my rhythm this training season or that I have missed two weeks of blog posts. Just like today at mile two I decided that the run began from that point, I too can choose to focus my energy on creating my rhythm rather lamenting about not having found it yet. Perhaps I found it today. I am looking forward to week 5 of training. Bring it on!

I want to end by sharing a video. Many of you may have already seen this. It was shared by a number of my friends on Facebook and is an incredible story of the power of possibility. My favorite quote from the video is “just because I cannot do it today, does not mean I will not be able to do it tomorrow.” These words resonated with me today as I tackled the hills in Newton, MA. For some of us it is building up the endurance to run a marathon. For some of us it is also trying to imagine reaching our fundraising goal. For all of us it is dreaming a world without cancer. Just because we cannot do it today, does not mean that we won’t be able to do it tomorrow. One step at a time and one dollar at a time anything is possible if we are willing to work towards our goals with laser like focus.

Here is the link to the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

Let's work hard today for a better tomorrow. Are you with me?

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 1: Remembering Through Action

This past week marked the official start of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team 2013 training and as part of my training routine, I also write a weekly blog. If you are reading this, you may know that already. I had planned on writing after our first team run yesterday, however I found myself at a loss for words trapped in the space of my own pause as I wrestled with the question that so many in our nation and around the world are also asking, “why?” As I sit to write today, my thoughts are with the families in Newtown, CT and with a nation that grieves. I am not sure I can stop asking the question, why? Although, I am not sure there is really a helpful answer to that question or one that could ever make any sense of such a tragedy. There will of course be the too easy answer and that is to accept it as simply an act of evil which leaves us all powerless and not responsible. As I ran with my teammates yesterday on our first group run, it became clear to me that I am going to choose to ask what I believe is the more difficult question and that is- what can I/we do to help prevent this from happening again?

As we know on Friday, December 14^th the unimaginable happened. Innocence was shattered as we watched what could barely even be imagined as a horrifying episode of Criminal Minds. Only this was not a scene crafted in the mind of a crime writer and one from which we could turn our head from the television, it was actually taking place in Newtown, CT- a town which could be Anytown, USA. Many of us were into our daily routines as we were alerted to the breaking news of a school shooting. We watched in disbelief as moms and dads, aunts and uncles, and grandparents were racing to an elementary school only to hope that they would find their children alive. This was truly the unimaginable. We quickly learned it was yet another school shooting and later we discovered the majority of the victims were 5 and 6 year olds. How could this be? All I could picture were my nieces who are in kindergarten and third grade. How could this be? There were not words to describe or answers to be found that could make any sense out of this tragedy.

As I drove to our team run in Lexington, MA on Saturday morning I was a bit nervous. I had been sick with bronchitis most of the week and while I probably should not have taken on the 10 mile run, it just seemed what I needed to do. I found myself thinking about all the tragedies in this world. As I thought about the families in Newtown, CT, I also thought about all the children with cancer and those who have lost their battle with cancer for whom many of us run. At this moment I thought of a facebook post from a dear friend who lost her son to cancer when he was in the first grade. On Friday, her facebook post read “at least I got to say goodbye to ________. My heart goes out to the families of Newtown, CT who didn’t get that chance.” Again, I am reminded at the unimaginable. Here is someone who had to say goodbye to her son when he was in first grade and lost his life to cancer and in this moment and tragedy she was recognizing the enormous grief of the families who just lost their children. She felt lucky because she got to say goodbye. As I continued on my drive, I really felt the shift from why school shootings? Why cancer? To thinking we need to do more…a lot more.

Over the last two days I have watched many friends post about the tragedy. I have witnessed the 24 hour news cycle and the way it can shape the story and bring the unimaginable into our living rooms. I have witnessed how the media gives life to both the evil behind the violence as well as the heroic acts of teachers and educators who in the face of such evil exemplify the triumph of selfless sacrifice and a greater good. I have witnessed a call for compassion from a victim’s father who in the midst of his grief found it in his heart to think of the shooters family and imagine how difficult this is for them in their own grief. Wow! I have witnessed many who have expressed gratitude for what they have and the reminder to hug those you love tighter. I have witnessed a number of friends who call others to action about the importance of being kind and to recognize the role we all play in making this a better world through our interactions with others. I have also witnessed arguments about gun control and 2^nd amendment rights. I have witnessed disagreement about whether this is the time to act or a time to allow for grief and healing.

I must be really honest. I think it is our collective responsibility to make this world a better place and that responsibility begins now. It is not something that we can take lightly or put off until tomorrow. It is not just a sound bite, a meme or a facebook post that quickly goes viral. It is cultivating a deep commitment to translate our thoughts and reactions to such a tragedy into actions.  I share the belief of many that each and every one of us contributes to making the world a more peaceful place by the way we enter each day, the way we interact with those who we come in contact, and our willingness to at times to compromise what we consider our freedoms and rights for the overall protection and safety of others. Our greatest moments as a community, a country and as a nation should not only be evident in our immediate response to tragedies but in our sustaining efforts to prevent them.

Guns kill. I cannot even pause and give consideration to the argument for why assault riffles should be accessible to anyone. Guns kill and if we want to live in a peaceful world, my belief is that we must get rid of the guns. I also realize that it is not a simple solution and guns are only one piece of a much larger discussion. We also need to give great attention and support to mental health in this country. Whether you agree with me or disagree with me, I believe the best way to honor the memory of those lost is to collectively wrestle with these challenging issues and take action to address them. We are likely to agree on that. It is not responsible as an educated nation to linger in a state of inaction and powerlessness. Grieving and healing will not stop if our nation’s leaders take action and I am not sure why we see these as sequential steps in a response to such a tragedy. It is not a knee jerk reaction to call for action, it is a responsible one.

While this blog aims to document my training and thinking as it relates to Dana Farber and my journey towards the Boston Marathon, the tragedy in Newtown, CT has been the focus on my thinking as we begin our training. Also, running as a member of the Dana Farber Team is a constant reminder to me of the importance of remembering and honoring through action. Tragedies do happen and we cannot always prevent them. However, we must not only dream the day and a world, in which these tragedies do not exist, we must work relentlessly to make that dream a reality. It is a choice to take responsibility for our world and we can make a difference but we must make that choice. We honor and remember through action. It is a time to choose action.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Why I am Running the Boston Marathon on April 15, 2013 as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team: My Call to Action

"Be the change you wish to see." It is not just a sign on my bookshelf, for me it is a call to action. The decision to apply to run again with the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team was not a decision I made quickly or taken lightly. In fact, it was one with which I have wrestled for almost three months. If you are reading this and you know me well, then you know I spent the last 5 months or so struggling with Iliotibial Band Syndrome which greatly impacted my ability to run. I try not to complain too much because while it is very frustrating, we all know that there are a lot worse things with which one could be faced. I am happy to say that I believe I am now on the other side of it. I was able to participate in the Reach the Beach Relay in September which is a 200 mile team relay run from Cannon Mountain to Hampton Beach and then just a few weeks ago I completed the Newburyport Green Stride Half Marathon. I did not feel great at either event, although I made it through without too much difficulty. 

This brings me back to the sign on my bookshelf, “Be the change you wish to see.” It was a gift from a student I had several years back. One day as her graduation was approaching she stopped by my office with the gift. She said that she saw it in a store and immediately thought of me. For anyone that works in education, you know how precious these moments are. In  that very moment I was honored to know that many of our class discussions about the importance of being an agent of change resonated with her and even more so that she saw me as an agent of change. That alone is a call to continued action. Little does this student know that as much as I appreciated the gift and her thoughtfulness, I am more thankful that her gift has become a visual cue that reminds me within each day holds the opportunity to make a difference. I learn so much more from students than I could ever hope they would learn from me.

When I applied to run the Boston Marathon as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team in 2012, I really thought it would be a one time thing. At the time, I so wanted to do something to honor the memory of my dear friend Matt’s nephew Josh. I could not imagine the enormity of the pain Matt and his family was experiencing. When I realized that the marathon in 2012 would fall on the 2^nd anniversary of Josh’s passing, I felt as if it was something that I not only wanted to do, but that I was supposed to do. I am not sure if that makes any sense so I will just say it was a sort of gravitational pull of my conscience to participate even though at the time I applied, I had very little confidence that I could run 26.2 miles, never-mind raise the $4,000 minimum required.  Yet, the gravitational force that was pulling me to do it, seemed stronger than my own doubt. I guess it is here I experienced the essence of faith. I took the leap. I finished the marathon and with your help, we raised over $15,000 in the process to support cancer research.  

A year later and with many miles logged and lessons learned; I am so aware that for many the pain still lingers. It does not go away. The work towards Dana Farber’s ultimate goal-a world without cancer, still needs people to be the change they wish to see. While great progress continues to be made and our collective team raised over 4 million dollars last year, there is still so much to be done. I do not have to go far for these reminders. At work I eat lunch everyday with 4 women, all of whom have an immediate family member that had or has cancer. Two lost their sister at a young age to cancer. If I just step out of my office and walk through the main office I work in or to other areas of campus, I have many colleagues who have batted cancer, and others who have lost children, a spouse or family member to this dreadful disease. All of these reminders are in front of me everyday. We do not always talk about it. Often we just go about our day. However, this does not mean I am not aware of the close proximity of cancer to so many of us. In the time since I ran the marathon, a faculty member who was on a committee I am co-chairing was diagnosed and lost his battle with cancer and he is one of many. For those who are battling cancer, the fight does not end. For those who have lost a love one to cancer, the grieving does not end.

When I think about cancer, I am reminded of a brief conversation that I had with faculty member who had supported my run last year. I did not know him all that well, however when he learned I was running he sent a check to me in an envelope with a small note that read, “Good luck and thank you. I am a customer of Dana Farber and know first hand the work they do.” After the marathon I saw him and thanked him again, and in our conversation he explained that he has come to see that there are two categories of people, those who have cancer or have been impacted by it and those who just haven’t had it yet. His words were echoed later in a post on facebook of a dear friend who lost her son to cancer that read something like “before I was a cancer mom, I was a mom of three healthy boys.” While it is sometimes overwhelming to really see the realities of cancer all around us, it is something that we must do. We all want for a world without cancer and many of us feel powerless in this effort. My experience running with the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge team last year made me feel like I was doing what I could to support such an important effort. It was answering the “call to action” that sits on my bookshelf. I was “being the change that I wished to see,” at least in my small way.

For over three months I have wrestled with the decision of whether I would be able to run a marathon given all the challenges I faced with my IT band. I felt my body was weak and I really did not think I was up for the challenge. After successfully completing the Green Stride Half Marathon two weeks ago, even thought it was my slowest half marathon to date, I found my strong. I realized my body was not where it was a year ago but if I really worked at it and patiently and persistently logged the miles one by one, I could once again be a contributing member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. In this moment, I heard a call to action. Below is a picture as I finished the Green Stride Half Marathon.

 It was in finding my strong that I also recognized that in spite of my injury, I was so very privileged. You see, I could choose to not apply and to not participate in the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge. Having the choice to not to take on the fight with cancer is truly a luxury and one many who deal with it on a daily basis would welcome. I could convince myself that there are other ways that I could “be the change I wish to see” and I would be dishonest if I didn’t admit to having many of these conversations with myself. However it is here I felt the gravitational pull of my conscience again. I do not have to face chemo treatments or take a loved one to chemo treatments. I get to take my nieces and nephew trick or treating and experience the joy of their excitement and wonder. I do not have to measure my life by three month check-up appointments. I get to have Thanksgiving Dinner without an empty seat at the table because of cancer. I am able to run and as difficult as fundraising can be, I can do my best.

So, yes I have applied and am officially accepted as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge 2013 Team. It is in honor of the many people around me who have dealt with cancer, who are dealing with cancer or who will learn they have to deal with cancer that I have decided to lace up my sneakers and give it another shot. It is also with deep gratitude and in recognition of the many privileges that I experience everyday that I will be logging over 500 training miles in my journey to the Boston Marathon on April 15, 2013. I hope you will join me and ‘be the change you wish to see.” Last year we were an incredible collective force supporting Dana Farber’s ultimate goal- a world without cancer. Let’s gear up. Game on!

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

August 2012- Experiencing In-Between Spaces

(This entry/post was written in August 2012 but I was not training so did not post it. I figured it was part of the journey so I am posting it now.)

It has been more than four months since I finished the Boston Marathon and when I posted my last blog update. I began writing last December about my running and my experience as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Team at the recommendation of those who had trained and fundraised before. I was told it would be a great way to share my journey with family, friends, and supporters. As someone who tends to draw wisdom from experience, I took the advice and started to blog documenting my experiences and the evolution of my body, mind and spirit as I logged many miles. I shared this with anyone who found it interesting. Running for me is something that brings clarity to chaos, adds color to the canvas of my life, and replaces complexity with a creative energy as my mind travels as I log many miles. I guess I never anticipated that stopping this activity of running and documenting the journey would create a sort of empty space. Blogging had become more than sharing my journey, it also become a place to anchor my thinking.

So here I am in this in-between space. The marathon has become a memory and part of the past. After having such a great experience and having raised over $15,000, I have to say that while I thought I would only run one more marathon (Boston 2012), shortly after my aches subsided, I found myself contemplating the idea of running with Dana Farber again. After all, how could I not give 18 weeks of training to help support an effort aimed at a world without cancer.  It is the now almost the end of the summer which is a time of reflection and goal setting for those of us who work in education or for anyone who believes the New Year begins on an academic calendar. I am really not sure what this next year brings for me in terms of running. I do know I am scheduled to run in the Reach the Beach Relay in 3 weeks. However, I have not logged many miles. I have spent almost three months dealing with Iliotibial Band Syndrome.

For those who are not runners and are not familiar with ITBS, for me, it presented first as outer knee pain following Boston’s Run to Remember Half Marathon. I finished the race, but really struggled because of the pain. For those of you that run, you may know this is very frustrating. It takes time and patience and I have been very good at doing all the things that help it heal. I went to an Orthopedic Sports Doctor, I have stretched, I have gone for physical therapy, I foam roll, I balance running with using the cybex arc trainer, I cut back on miles, I do exercises to strengthen my hips, I had a cortisone shot, I went for more physical therapy, I have had body work massages and I bought new sneakers. I promised myself I would not complain about this. After all, I spent a good 18 weeks training and running for Dana Farber and I learned of so many people that deal with so much more. So with this perspective, I am not complaining and I am searching for lessons about balance to extract from this experience.

Learning Balance in Healing

As someone who likes to push capacity this is quite challenging. I asked my doctor, “How much is too much?” I figured that if he could tell me this, I would stay within the boundaries of his guidance. His answer was simple, “you will know you have done too much because it will hurt.” In the moment, this did not appear helpful. I had read all the articles I could find and this was just repeating what I had already found on my own. I am not quite sure why I expected that he would have a magic answer but yet I still hoped that he would tell me to run a certain mileage and I would be fine. The truth is we are all different and our bodies respond differently.  It was here that I entered a real experiment in listening to my body which is somewhat foreign to those of us who spend most of our time ignoring it. After all, I am not sure that there are many days that something doesn’t hurt a little bit.

This is actually one of the greatest lessons I have learned from running. I do not expect to feel great when I run. During most runs I encounter fatigue, doubt, burning muscles, labored breathing, and a variety of other issues that surface on any given run. Removing the expectation that a run will be problem and pain free actually allows me to experience each run for what it is. If I expect fatigue, doubt, labored breathing and burning muscles to show up then I am not surprised by their presence although I am appreciative on the days they stay away. On the days when they do arrive, I try not to waste time being annoyed by their presence and instead see them as the challenge of the day which is all part of making me stronger. Usually if I can convince myself that my stronger self is more powerful than my weaker self, fatigue turns to faith, doubt turns to determination, and labored breathing and burning muscles turns to a “bring it on attitude.” 

My training has become a lot more complicated these days. Each week is a balancing act trying to push my capacity so I can build my miles once again while exercising patience in listening to my body. The doctor was right. When I have done too much, I find my stride is slowed to a walk because my knee (IT band) has had enough. This has made me think a lot about boundaries. It amazes me how ideas cultivate. I will get back to my thinking on boundaries at another time. Perhaps I found boundaries intriguing because I run in places where stone walls and broken fences create boundaries for open meadows and where sea grass and sand dunes form a border that are shaped and reshaped by the sea. None of these are permanent boundaries but help to define and shape space.  As I enter this New Year, I am not sure what my goals for running will be. My mind is ready for anything, but will my body be ready for another marathon? I do not know. However, I can say for sure that I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and will remain open to all the lessons that this challenge and these in-between spaces have in store for me. Stay tuned...

Always in gratitude,

Kerry D