This blog began as an effort to document my training for the Boston Marathon 2012 as a member of Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team and it continued in 2013, 2014, 2015, and 2016. I will be back in 2017. Through this blog, I hope to share my journey and lessons learned along the way with friends, family and supporters. Thank you for joining me on this journey.
Happy New Year! Today was the second official Dana Farber Team run which means we are now 14 weeks away from the Boston Marathon. Yikes! As part of my marathon training and fundraising, I also aim to keep a weekly blog during the 18 weeks of training. This gives me the opportunity to document and share my journey with friends, family and supporters. Well, here I am at the end of week 4 and I missed week 2 and week 3. This is not such a great start. I could blame the craziness of the end of the semester and the holidays and that certainly played a part. However, to be quite honest, this year I have simply not been able to find my rhythm (disclaimer: this does not mean that I will not find it).
As the official training season began I developed bronchitis which can be challenging with my asthma. However, I tend to see the glass half full so I saw this as a blessing that it happened at the beginning of the season when there is plenty of wiggle room for catching up on the miles. Certainly there are lots of people who deal with a lot more difficult things that labored breathing. Well, like many who have been sick this season, I am still coughing and being challenged by it. Running has become one of my greatest teachers. Today I was reminded that many times when we cannot find our rhythm we can choose to start again. Before I share my thoughts on my “ah ha” moment of today’s run, let me give you a fundraising update because after all, this is the reason I am logging the miles and once again running the Boston Marathon- to raise funds to support cancer research and Dana Farber’s Ultimate goal: a world without cancer.
Fundraising Update
As of today, my fundraising page reflects that $5,386.20 has already been donated. THANK YOU! I cannot begin to express my incredible gratitude for the many friends, family member and colleagues who have stepped up and made donations for the second year in a row to support me and my teammates in this incredibly important effort. My goal this year is to raise at least $10,000. Last year with all of your support I raised over $15,000. Some might ask why my initial goal is lower than last year. Well, last year my initial goal was actually $7,000. I am someone who likes to under promise and over deliver. While I believe it is completely possible to exceed my goal as we did last year, I want to be cautiously optimistic. So if you have donated already, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are once again part of this incredible effort that is working toward a world without cancer. If you have not donated yet, I ask you to please consider making a donation. It does not matter how big or how small, collectively our donations add up and make a very powerful push toward a world without cancer. If you are unable to make a donation, you can support with words of encouragement. Every bit helps. So thank you to all of you who are here for year two! We have 14 weeks to go. I cannot do this without your support.
New Beginnings
Ok, let’s get back to the “ah ha” moment about new beginnings. Running truly has become one of my greatest teachers and the amazing thing is that while I know this to be true, her lessons always take me by surprise. I had shared that I have not yet seemed to find my rhythm this training season. Like many, I have been sick and struggling to get back to 100%. The holidays came and were filled with great times with family and friends. For me, this included a trip to Colorado for my cousins wedding the week before Christmas. This was so wonderful to spend time with both family and friends.I have managed to get in all of my longer runs with the longest being 11 miles so it has not been a complete bust. Although, none of these long runs have come easy but they have been logged. Last year at this time, I had logged one 15 miler but I still have time to catch up. Where I have struggled is getting all my weekly runs and balancing it all.
So I arrived at today’s run both excited and nervous. My breathing continues to be labored especially when I run. However, something magical happens when running with the Dana Farber Team. I remember why I am running and am surrounded by so many amazing people that the labored breathing is simply a sign to slow the pace. It is not about going fast. It is about moving forward with a purpose. The team met today at the Mount Auburn Club in Watertown. As we gather for morning announcements and an overview of the course, we are also reminded of why we are there. We are introduced to specific research projects that are taking place at Dana Farber when a teammate and board member reads one of the Barr Impact Statements. We all stretch and listen. This is not your average Sunday morning run. We are charged with a purpose: a world without cancer.
Jack Fultz (our coach), me, Steve and Elaine at mile 6
The team was off. We started to make our way over to the Boston Marathon course through Brighton for our training run. My “ah ha” moment or lesson for today came at mile 2. This was not very far into the 12 mile run and certainly not what I would have expected to happen. My breathing was labored but it was cold. I figured if we found the right pace and as I adjusted to the cold, I would be fine. Then we started our way up the first hill good size hill. The dry heaves started. I had hoped it would pass. However, they did not. I found myself on the side of the road throwing up. This is perhaps more details than I should share, however it is very relevant to the lesson. I was running with my good friend Elaine. She was so patient and asked if I was alright. As other teammates passed they all asked if I was ok too. Lovely, I thought to myself. It is only the second run and I am getting sick maybe at mile two. “I am a hot mess,” I thought. Then after a few minutes, I felt better.
Elaine and I started to run again. It was then I decided that the run was starting over. I was not going to think about how terrible it is to get sick at mile two or worry that because I got sick that I would not be able to continue. Instead, I simply changed my thinking to “the run starts now.” It was not the greatest run I have had, but it was wonderful to be running with a high school friend. In my head I reminded myself I was not only training for a marathon. I was part of an effort working toward a world without cancer.
Steve, Kerry and Elaine: Miles Logged!
Lesson from Team Run # 2
I was not thrilled to have gotten sick today. However, shortly after I did feel much better. My breathing was still labored a bit, but I was reminded that in any given moment we can shift our energy and begin again. Most often we cannot control our environment or what happens but we can control how we respond to it. As I drove home from the team run, I no longer felt bad that I had not yet found my rhythm this training season or that I have missed two weeks of blog posts. Just like today at mile two I decided that the run began from that point, I too can choose to focus my energy on creating my rhythm rather lamenting about not having found it yet. Perhaps I found it today. I am looking forward to week 5 of training. Bring it on!
I want to end by sharing a video. Many of you may have already seen this. It was shared by a number of my friends on Facebook and is an incredible story of the power of possibility. My favorite quote from the video is “just because I cannot do it today, does not mean I will not be able to do it tomorrow.” These words resonated with me today as I tackled the hills in Newton, MA. For some of us it is building up the endurance to run a marathon. For some of us it is also trying to imagine reaching our fundraising goal. For all of us it is dreaming a world without cancer. Just because we cannot do it today, does not mean that we won’t be able to do it tomorrow. One step at a time and one dollar at a time anything is possible if we are willing to work towards our goals with laser like focus.
This past week marked the official start of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team 2013 training and as part of my training routine, I also write a weekly blog. If you are reading this, you may know that already. I had planned on writing after our first team run yesterday, however I found myself at a loss for words trapped in the space of my own pause as I wrestled with the question that so many in our nation and around the world are also asking, “why?” As I sit to write today, my thoughts are with the families in Newtown, CT and with a nation that grieves. I am not sure I can stop asking the question, why? Although, I am not sure there is really a helpful answer to that question or one that could ever make any sense of such a tragedy. There will of course be the too easy answer and that is to accept it as simply an act of evil which leaves us all powerless and not responsible. As I ran with my teammates yesterday on our first group run, it became clear to me that I am going to choose to ask what I believe is the more difficult question and that is- what can I/we do to help prevent this from happening again?
As we know on Friday, December 14th the unimaginable happened. Innocence was shattered as we watched what could barely even be imagined as a horrifying episode of Criminal Minds. Only this was not a scene crafted in the mind of a crime writer and one from which we could turn our head from the television, it was actually taking place in Newtown, CT- a town which could be Anytown, USA. Many of us were into our daily routines as we were alerted to the breaking news of a school shooting. We watched in disbelief as moms and dads, aunts and uncles, and grandparents were racing to an elementary school only to hope that they would find their children alive. This was truly the unimaginable. We quickly learned it was yet another school shooting and later we discovered the majority of the victims were 5 and 6 year olds. How could this be? All I could picture were my nieces who are in kindergarten and third grade. How could this be? There were not words to describe or answers to be found that could make any sense out of this tragedy.
As I drove to our team run in Lexington, MA on Saturday morning I was a bit nervous. I had been sick with bronchitis most of the week and while I probably should not have taken on the 10 mile run, it just seemed what I needed to do. I found myself thinking about all the tragedies in this world. As I thought about the families in Newtown, CT, I also thought about all the children with cancer and those who have lost their battle with cancer for whom many of us run. At this moment I thought of a facebook post from a dear friend who lost her son to cancer when he was in the first grade. On Friday, her facebook post read “at least I got to say goodbye to ________. My heart goes out to the families of Newtown, CT who didn’t get that chance.” Again, I am reminded at the unimaginable. Here is someone who had to say goodbye to her son when he was in first grade and lost his life to cancer and in this moment and tragedy she was recognizing the enormous grief of the families who just lost their children. She felt lucky because she got to say goodbye. As I continued on my drive, I really felt the shift from why school shootings? Why cancer? To thinking we need to do more…a lot more.
Over the last two days I have watched many friends post about the tragedy. I have witnessed the 24 hour news cycle and the way it can shape the story and bring the unimaginable into our living rooms. I have witnessed how the media gives life to both the evil behind the violence as well as the heroic acts of teachers and educators who in the face of such evil exemplify the triumph of selfless sacrifice and a greater good. I have witnessed a call for compassion from a victim’s father who in the midst of his grief found it in his heart to think of the shooters family and imagine how difficult this is for them in their own grief. Wow! I have witnessed many who have expressed gratitude for what they have and the reminder to hug those you love tighter. I have witnessed a number of friends who call others to action about the importance of being kind and to recognize the role we all play in making this a better world through our interactions with others. I have also witnessed arguments about gun control and 2nd amendment rights. I have witnessed disagreement about whether this is the time to act or a time to allow for grief and healing.
I must be really honest. I think it is our collective responsibility to make this world a better place and that responsibility begins now. It is not something that we can take lightly or put off until tomorrow. It is not just a sound bite, a meme or a facebook post that quickly goes viral. It is cultivating a deep commitment to translate our thoughts and reactions to such a tragedy into actions. I share the belief of many that each and every one of us contributes to making the world a more peaceful place by the way we enter each day, the way we interact with those who we come in contact, and our willingness to at times to compromise what we consider our freedoms and rights for the overall protection and safety of others. Our greatest moments as a community, a country and as a nation should not only be evident in our immediate response to tragedies but in our sustaining efforts to prevent them.
Guns kill. I cannot even pause and give consideration to the argument for why assault riffles should be accessible to anyone. Guns kill and if we want to live in a peaceful world, my belief is that we must get rid of the guns. I also realize that it is not a simple solution and guns are only one piece of a much larger discussion. We also need to give great attention and support to mental health in this country. Whether you agree with me or disagree with me, I believe the best way to honor the memory of those lost is to collectively wrestle with these challenging issues and take action to address them. We are likely to agree on that. It is not responsible as an educated nation to linger in a state of inaction and powerlessness. Grieving and healing will not stop if our nation’s leaders take action and I am not sure why we see these as sequential steps in a response to such a tragedy. It is not a knee jerk reaction to call for action, it is a responsible one.
While this blog aims to document my training and thinking as it relates to Dana Farber and my journey towards the Boston Marathon, the tragedy in Newtown, CT has been the focus on my thinking as we begin our training. Also, running as a member of the Dana Farber Team is a constant reminder to me of the importance of remembering and honoring through action. Tragedies do happen and we cannot always prevent them. However, we must not only dream the day and a world, in which these tragedies do not exist, we must work relentlessly to make that dream a reality. It is a choice to take responsibility for our world and we can make a difference but we must make that choice. We honor and remember through action. It is a time to choose action.
With Gratitude,
Kerry D
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Why I am Running the Boston Marathon on April 15, 2013 as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team: My Call to Action
"Be the change you wish to see." It is not just a sign on my bookshelf, for me it is a call to action. The decision to apply to run again with the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team was not a decision I made quickly or taken lightly. In fact, it was one with which I have wrestled for almost three months. If you are reading this and you know me well, then you know I spent the last 5 months or so struggling with Iliotibial Band Syndrome which greatly impacted my ability to run. I try not to complain too much because while it is very frustrating, we all know that there are a lot worse things with which one could be faced. I am happy to say that I believe I am now on the other side of it. I was able to participate in the Reach the Beach Relay in September which is a 200 mile team relay run from CannonMountain to HamptonBeach and then just a few weeks ago I completed the Newburyport Green Stride Half Marathon. I did not feel great at either event, although I made it through without too much difficulty.
This brings me back to the sign on my bookshelf, “Be the change you wish to see.” It was a gift from a student I had several years back. One day as her graduation was approaching she stopped by my office with the gift. She said that she saw it in a store and immediately thought of me. For anyone that works in education, you know how precious these moments are. Inthat very moment I was honored to know that many of our class discussions about the importance of being an agent of change resonated with her and even more so that she saw me as an agent of change. That alone is a call to continued action. Little does this student know that as much as I appreciated the gift and her thoughtfulness, I am more thankful that her gift has become a visual cue that reminds me within each day holds the opportunity to make a difference. I learn so much more from students than I could ever hope they would learn from me.
When I applied to run the Boston Marathon as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team in 2012, I really thought it would be a one time thing. At the time, I so wanted to do something to honor the memory of my dear friend Matt’s nephew Josh. I could not imagine the enormity of the pain Matt and his family was experiencing. When I realized that the marathon in 2012 would fall on the 2nd anniversary of Josh’s passing, I felt as if it was something that I not only wanted to do, but that I was supposed to do. I am not sure if that makes any sense so I will just say it was a sort of gravitational pull of my conscience to participate even though at the time I applied, I had very little confidence that I could run 26.2 miles, never-mind raise the $4,000 minimum required.Yet, the gravitational force that was pulling me to do it, seemed stronger than my own doubt. I guess it is here I experienced the essence of faith. I took the leap. I finished the marathon and with your help, we raised over $15,000 in the process to support cancer research.
A year later and with many miles logged and lessons learned; I am so aware that for many the pain still lingers. It does not go away. The work towards Dana Farber’s ultimate goal-a world without cancer, still needs people to be the change they wish to see. While great progress continues to be made and our collective team raised over 4 million dollars last year, there is still so much to be done. I do not have to go far for these reminders. At work I eat lunch everyday with 4 women, all of whom have an immediate family member that had or has cancer. Two lost their sister at a young age to cancer. If I just step out of my office and walk through the main office I work in or to other areas of campus, I have many colleagues who have batted cancer, and others who have lost children, a spouse or family member to this dreadful disease. All of these reminders are in front of me everyday. We do not always talk about it. Often we just go about our day. However, this does not mean I am not aware of the close proximity of cancer to so many of us. In the time since I ran the marathon, a faculty member who was on a committee I am co-chairing was diagnosed and lost his battle with cancer and he is one of many. For those who are battling cancer, the fight does not end. For those who have lost a love one to cancer, the grieving does not end.
When I think about cancer, I am reminded of a brief conversation that I had with faculty member who had supported my run last year. I did not know him all that well, however when he learned I was running he sent a check to me in an envelope with a small note that read, “Good luck and thank you. I am a customer of Dana Farber and know first hand the work they do.” After the marathon I saw him and thanked him again, and in our conversation he explained that he has come to see that there are two categories of people, those who have cancer or have been impacted by it and those who just haven’t had it yet. His words were echoed later in a post on facebook of a dear friend who lost her son to cancer that read something like “before I was a cancer mom, I was a mom of three healthy boys.” While it is sometimes overwhelming to really see the realities of cancer all around us, it is something that we must do. We all want for a world without cancer and many of us feel powerless in this effort. My experience running with the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge team last year made me feel like I was doing what I could to support such an important effort. It was answering the “call to action” that sits on my bookshelf. I was “being the change that I wished to see,” at least in my small way.
For over three months I have wrestled with the decision of whether I would be able to run a marathon given all the challenges I faced with my IT band. I felt my body was weak and I really did not think I was up for the challenge. After successfully completing the Green Stride Half Marathon two weeks ago, even thought it was my slowest half marathon to date, I found my strong. I realized my body was not where it was a year ago but if I really worked at it and patiently and persistently logged the miles one by one, I could once again be a contributing member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. In this moment, I heard a call to action. Below is a picture as I finished the Green Stride Half Marathon.
It was in finding my strong that I also recognized that in spite of my injury, I was so very privileged. You see, I could choose to not apply and to not participate in the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge. Having the choice to not to take on the fight with cancer is truly a luxury and one many who deal with it on a daily basis would welcome. I could convince myself that there are other ways that I could “be the change I wish to see” and I would be dishonest if I didn’t admit to having many of these conversations with myself. However it is here I felt the gravitational pull of my conscience again. I do not have to face chemo treatments or take a loved one to chemo treatments. I get to take my nieces and nephew trick or treating and experience the joy of their excitement and wonder. I do not have to measure my life by three month check-up appointments. I get to have Thanksgiving Dinner without an empty seat at the table because of cancer. I am able to run and as difficult as fundraising can be, I can do my best.
So, yes I have applied and am officially accepted as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge 2013 Team. It is in honor of the many people around me who have dealt with cancer, who are dealing with cancer or who will learn they have to deal with cancer that I have decided to lace up my sneakers and give it another shot. It is also with deep gratitude and in recognition of the many privileges that I experience everyday that I will be logging over 500 training miles in my journey to the Boston Marathon on April 15, 2013. I hope you will join me and ‘be the change you wish to see.” Last year we were an incredible collective force supporting Dana Farber’s ultimate goal- a world without cancer. Let’s gear up. Game on!
(This entry/post was written in August 2012 but I was not training so did not post it. I figured it was part of the journey so I am posting it now.)
It has been more than four months since I finished the Boston Marathon and when I posted my last blog update. I began writing last December about my running and my experience as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Team at the recommendation of those who had trained and fundraised before. I was told it would be a great way to share my journey with family, friends, and supporters. As someone who tends to draw wisdom from experience, I took the advice and started to blog documenting my experiences and the evolution of my body, mind and spirit as I logged many miles. I shared this with anyone who found it interesting. Running for me is something that brings clarity to chaos, adds color to the canvas of my life, and replaces complexity with a creative energy as my mind travels as I log many miles. I guess I never anticipated that stopping this activity of running and documenting the journey would create a sort of empty space. Blogging had become more than sharing my journey, it also become a place to anchor my thinking.
So here I am in this in-between space. The marathon has become a memory and part of the past. After having such a great experience and having raised over $15,000, I have to say that while I thought I would only run one more marathon (Boston 2012), shortly after my aches subsided, I found myself contemplating the idea of running with Dana Farber again. After all, how could I not give 18 weeks of training to help support an effort aimed at a world without cancer.It is the now almost the end of the summer which is a time of reflection and goal setting for those of us who work in education or for anyone who believes the New Year begins on an academic calendar. I am really not sure what this next year brings for me in terms of running. I do know I am scheduled to run in the Reach the Beach Relay in 3 weeks. However, I have not logged many miles. I have spent almost three months dealing with Iliotibial Band Syndrome.
For those who are not runners and are not familiar with ITBS, for me, it presented first as outer knee pain following Boston’s Run to Remember Half Marathon. I finished the race, but really struggled because of the pain. For those of you that run, you may know this is very frustrating. It takes time and patience and I have been very good at doing all the things that help it heal. I went to an Orthopedic Sports Doctor, I have stretched, I have gone for physical therapy, I foam roll, I balance running with using the cybex arc trainer, I cut back on miles, I do exercises to strengthen my hips, I had a cortisone shot, I went for more physical therapy, I have had body work massages and I bought new sneakers. I promised myself I would not complain about this. After all, I spent a good 18 weeks training and running for Dana Farber and I learned of so many people that deal with so much more. So with this perspective, I am not complaining and I am searching for lessons about balance to extract from this experience.
Learning Balance in Healing
As someone who likes to push capacity this is quite challenging. I asked my doctor, “How much is too much?” I figured that if he could tell me this, I would stay within the boundaries of his guidance. His answer was simple, “you will know you have done too much because it will hurt.” In the moment, this did not appear helpful. I had read all the articles I could find and this was just repeating what I had already found on my own. I am not quite sure why I expected that he would have a magic answer but yet I still hoped that he would tell me to run a certain mileage and I would be fine. The truth is we are all different and our bodies respond differently. It was here that I entered a real experiment in listening to my body which is somewhat foreign to those of us who spend most of our time ignoring it. After all, I am not sure that there are many days that something doesn’t hurt a little bit.
This is actually one of the greatest lessons I have learned from running. I do not expect to feel great when I run. During most runs I encounter fatigue, doubt, burning muscles, labored breathing, and a variety of other issues that surface on any given run. Removing the expectation that a run will be problem and pain free actually allows me to experience each run for what it is. If I expect fatigue, doubt, labored breathing and burning muscles to show up then I am not surprised by their presence although I am appreciative on the days they stay away. On the days when they do arrive, I try not to waste time being annoyed by their presence and instead see them as the challenge of the day which is all part of making me stronger. Usually if I can convince myself that my stronger self is more powerful than my weaker self, fatigue turns to faith, doubt turns to determination, and labored breathing and burning muscles turns to a “bring it on attitude.”
My training has become a lot more complicated these days. Each week is a balancing act trying to push my capacity so I can build my miles once again while exercising patience in listening to my body. The doctor was right. When I have done too much, I find my stride is slowed to a walk because my knee (IT band) has had enough. This has made me think a lot about boundaries. It amazes me how ideas cultivate. I will get back to my thinking on boundaries at another time. Perhaps I found boundaries intriguing because I run in places where stone walls and broken fences create boundaries for open meadows and where sea grass and sand dunes form a border that are shaped and reshaped by the sea. None of these are permanent boundaries but help to define and shape space. As I enter this New Year, I am not sure what my goals for running will be. My mind is ready for anything, but will my body be ready for another marathon? I do not know. However, I can say for sure that I am going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and will remain open to all the lessons that this challenge and these in-between spaces have in store for me. Stay tuned...
I spent 18 weeks training and fundraising with one specific focus-running the 2012 Boston Marathon in an effort to honor a little boy named Josh by raising funds to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal- a world without cancer. I entered this challenge as one person, but very quickly I realized I was part of this amazing team of over 500 runners and many volunteers and supporters. I knew this was an enormous undertaking and as the weeks passed and I participated in our weekly team runs, I learned of so many others who have been personally touched by cancer. I also found that as people learned about my effort, they would share their personal stories with me. This was a constantly reminded of the importance of our collective effort. As the weekend before the marathon approached, I had no idea just how intense of an experience this would be and the many ways it would forever change me.
Marathon Weekend Begins with the BAA Warnings
It all began when the weather reports were predicting above average temperatures ranging anywhere from the 80’s to the 90’s. Quite honestly, this was not a major concern for me at first because I actually do not mind warmer temperatures. Although, I have never run a marathon in these predicted temperatures so I did listen to the many warnings which the Boston Athletic Associate began sending out as the marathon was approaching. The warnings the sent to all runners included the following:
§The weather conditions will involve an increased element of risk to all participants due to the heat. Only the fittest runners should consider participating. §We are now making the recommendation that if you are not highly fit, you should NOT run this race. §Inexperienced marathoners should not run. §Those who have only trained in a cooler climate should also not run. §Those who decide to run should take significant precautions. Run at a slower pace and maintain hydration. Take frequent walk breaks. This is not a day to run a personal best. Speed can kill. §For the overwhelming major of those who have entered, you should adopt the attitude that THIS IS NOT A RACE.
Wow! These warnings were pretty serious and had a lot of people worried. In fact over 4,500 runners decide not to participate and deferred their participation to next year. For me, it was never a question of if I would still run. I would be cautious but I was still not overly concerned. I would simply run slow and listen to my body. This is something I learned a lot about during training. I also would be sure to hydrate, use GU and other things to keep me feeling ok. I also would need to make major adjustments to my expectations as it related to time. My training had me prepared to run in approximately 4 hours and 15 minutes and that was adding in a bit of time to be sure I walked swiftly through water stops. However, all of the experts were saying that we could expect to add up to an hour onto our projected times. I was not thrilled with this, especially after training so much. Who would be? However, I listened. It was more important to me to run smart and enjoy the experience than to push for a time and end up in a medical tent. After all, I did not begin this journey wanting to run a marathon in a particular time. I was running to honor a little boy named Josh by raising money for Dana Farber-this had nothing to do with how long it would take me. So I kept my focus on the why I was running as opposed to all the things that I had no control over such as the weather.
The EXPO
I had planned to go to the Expo to pick up my number on Saturday. This was after the advice of a friend who has run many marathons. She had suggested going on Saturday so I would be able to enjoy it and this would leave Sunday as a rest day so I could be off my feet. This was excellent advice. It was arriving at the EXPO that I think I realized what a major event I was participating in. It was amazing to drive into Boston and to feel the energy that seemed to have taken over the entire city. I arrived at the ExpoCenter and was thrilled to find parking right away. I was meeting my friend from college, Annie, who was also running. There were so many people. I am not sure why this surprised me. I knew that there were 27,000 people registered to run. I guess I just never really thought about what 27,000 people looked like or what it would mean to organize for 27,000 people and their families to arrive in a city and to pick up their race packets. The organization was unbelievable. As I waited for Annie, I just watched all the people who were carrying orange bags. These were the Boston Athletic Association Bags that runners would use to put their belongings in at the starting line so they could be brought to the finish line. All of these people had spent the last several months or more training to run Boston and the BAA organized everything. Wow, is really all I can say. Below is a picture of the number pick up.
I think the highlight of the Expo for me was getting to meet and have my picture taking with Team Hoyt-Dick and his son Rick. If you are not familiar with their story I would suggest you check it out. Here is a link to Team Hoyt’s website http://www.teamhoyt.com/. If you are seeking inspiration you will surely find it! I know just having the few moments I had with them made any concerns of the heat seem like a challenge but one we would conquer.
The Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Pasta Dinner
The Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team hosts a pasta dinner as a way to bring the team together to prepare for the challenge in front of us. Very early on first time runners were told this was an event that should not be missed. I was very excited because my dear friend Matt was flying in to see the marathon. I was running in memory of his nephew Josh. My friend Annie who was also running would attend. I was not prepared for just how intense this experience would be. When we arrived at the Marriot Copley and took the escalators to the floor where the pasta dinner was being held, we saw the red shirts everywhere. These were the Dana Farber volunteer shirts. It was just another reminder of how many people are collectively working to support this effort and Dana Farber’s ultimate goal-a world without cancer. Then as we got off the escalator and walked down the hall the walls were filled with “In Honor of Cards.” These were cards that all the runners filled out and had the names of people for whom they were running. My nieces Marlee and Rori decorated my “In Honor of Cards.” They decorated one for Josh and they also decorated one for anyone who listed a name on my fundraising page.
It was enough to stop you. “How could there be so many cards?” I thought to myself. There are just so many. I also kept thinking to myself that while this was “so many” this was only the people who were connected in some way to our 500 team members. I would equate the overwhelming feeling to that I experienced when standing in front of the Vietnam Memorial when you realized that each name represents a person and all the people who love them. My eyes began to fill with tears. I was so glad I was doing this, but in this moment I know longer could tolerate listening to anyone else talking about how they were not going to make their goal pace because of the heat. This seemed like such a small thing to deal with given the enormity of what so many people who were in our presence deal with daily.
We found many of the “In Honor of Cards” that my nieces made and located Josh’s. Then we continue to walk towards the banquet hall. Here we were greeted with poster size pictures of the children who are patient partners with runners. These are children that are currently undergoing treatment and there were also many children who had posters that were once patient partners who lost their battle with cancer and had a runner running in their memory. Matt and I just looked down the long hallway and both had tears in our eyes. There were just so many. One is too many. This is why I was running. Many of these children and their families would be at Mile 25 to cheer us on as we entered our last 1.2 miles of the marathon. It is all the inspiration one needs.
As we entered the banquet room I could not believe how many people were there. I guess with 500 runners and their families I should have expected this. I was very excited to connect with some of my teammates that I had met either through our team runs or through Daily Mile (Linn, Kevin, Megan, Betti, Kate, Karen, Heather and many others). So many of these people I did not know when this all started had become such an important part of my training and inspiration. One of my teammates-Dennis Moran who has been fundraising for Dana Farber for 18 years provided an additional dose of inspiration. Here is a quick video about his journey. This was played at the dinner. Again, I was reminded that while we needed to be cautious of the challenges with the heat, we were running for such a greater purpose- supporting Dana Farber’s Ultimate goal- a world without cancer. In many ways, having arrived ready to run and having raised all the money we had was the larger victory.
When dinner was over, it was time to focus on getting a good night sleep and making sure everything was ready to go for an early morning departure from Boston. Annie, Matt and I returned to the ParkPlaza where we were staying. Once again, I was not prepared for the range of emotions I would experience. When we arrived back at the hotel, Matt had a letter from his sister (Josh’s mom) for me. It was a beautiful letter and again a reminder of the reasons that I was running. I found an extra zip lock bag so I could put the letter in it and carry it with me as I made the trek from Hopkinton to Boston. I was so aware that while within 24 hours I would be finished the Boston Marathon, yet when the 24 hours is over and we have completed the Marathon, so many families pain and struggle with cancer would continue.I had learned so much about cancer, the many people who have been impacted by it and the amazing research that is happening at Dana Farber, and I found myself hearing the words of Robert Frost that echoed in my mind as I started this journey, “and miles to go before I sleep.” We are making great strides, but we still have a long way to go.
Monday April 16, 2012 Josh’s 2nd Anniversary and Boston Marathon 2012
I began my day with a facebook post about why I was running. Today I honor a boy named Josh. I also asked people to remember or think of someone who had been impacted by cancer. In hind sight, while my intent was good, anyone who has been impacted does not need a reminder to think of the impact of cancer. They live with the reminders everyday. Here I was reminded of the luxury that comes with being able to think of Cancer or any other disease as a “cause” that needs funding as opposed to a “reality” that one lives with daily. Again, I was reminded of the importance of our collective efforts because cancer is so much more than a cause, it is a reality for so many.
Imagine getting 20,000 people to one destination within several hours. Annie and I made our way to busses as we walked with crowds of runners. It was amazing how 30 plus busses would pull up at a time and runners would be loaded onto them. Once they were full, another 30 or so busses would pull up. Wow! Again I was amazed at the organization required for such an event. The ride took about 45 minutes or so. We were dropped of at AthletesVillage. Here runners from all over were hydrating and getting ready to run Boston! This is where Annie and I would part ways. I needed to make my way to the Dana Farber Meeting area. This is when I realized I did not write down where it was. Leave it to me to forget such an important detail. Lucky for me, I quickly spotted a Dana Farber shirt and this teammate had a map in hand. Here name was Marlo and I was very fortunate to have found her. We both made our way to the Dana Farber Meeting area just in time for the team picture. This was the first time that all team members were present. It was an amazing feeling to be part of a sea of Dana farber team shirts who were all running for such an important effort. See team picture below.
The Boston Marathon 2012-Learning to Listen
Throughout my training, I organized my weekly blogs around a theme or idea that stuck out. As I think about the actual running of the Marathon, one thing really stuck out to me and that is learning to listen. Now throughout the race this took many forms for me. At the very beginning it was simply learning to listen to the experts and their advice. We needed to make major adjustments to our race plans. While this was more challenging for some, listening to those who are experienced is important. Listening to your self is also important. While for me, it was never a question of whether I should run, many runners had to make a difficult choice to not run. This could not have been easy to do. Anyone who has trained for a marathon knows the many hours, the many miles and the many sacrifices that are required to be prepared for the one race day. However, for many this choice was about being smart. In cooler temperatures runners who were not feeling 100% could have pushed through with less risk. The added challenges due to temperature would put many at risk as evidenced by the 2500 that ended up in medical tents and the many that were transported to hospitals. I honor the courage of the many runners that had to make the diffcult decision tnot to run or stop running. The smart decision is often the hardest to make.
I also found it incredibly helpful to listen to the voices of supporters and this include those we knew and those we did not know. It was amazing how motivating it was to hear a supporter or a stranger call out and say “go Kerry, you can do this!” or “Kerry, you look strong.” As someone who often runs with headphones, I was amazed at how much feeling connected to those around me helped. Again, I will add the importance of listening to experts as well as your self. As we ran through each water stop, I heard in my head the voices of many “stay hydrated.” As my teammates and I ran through each water stop we were sure to stay hydrated and this certainly helped. It is easy to get caught up in the excitement and to not feel thirsty early on. We made sure we drank at every water stop. It was so wonderful to see friends and family along the way. Just knowing that you were there helped to pull us along.
Part of listening to myself was reframing what I needed to hear. This was regulating my own self talk. For example, early on my teammates and I reminded each other to stay slow and steady. We also kept telling each other that while we trained and were capable of going faster that the heat was outside of our control and that we were really just going to take in the experience. After all we were running for Dana Farber which has been such an honor. It was not about our time, but our effort to support a world without cancer. This was not just about reframing, it was also about acceptance. I was reminded that we may dream of running in ideal conditions and we can train and prepare to the best of our ability, but in the final hour we have no control over what conditions will exist on any given day. Sounds a lot like life. We also needed to give ourselves permission to incorporate walk breaks. Sometimes we know what we need to do, yet it is hard to surrender to that. Below is a picture of me with my two teammates Heather and Linn. I am so grateful to both of them for our many training runs, for running the majority of the marathon together, and most importantly for our friendships that emerged from our shared experience.
Finishing with Gratitude
My journey to the marathon was many things. Easy was not one of them. However, I am not one that is drawn to easy so that suited me just fine. Throughout this journey I began my blog posts with a fundraising update and with gratitude for the many of you that have supported our collective effort. I find it most fitting to end this post with gratitude. Below is a picture of family and friends who were there as we passed through Welleseley and then again when I turned the corner onto Boylston Street and crossed the finish line. Thank you! I know it was a hot day for spectators too! Thank you to the many other friends and family who were out there that I did not capture in a picture! You made such a difference!
Over the past 18 weeks we raised over $15,000 to support a world without cancer. This would not have been possible without the many people who made contributions, offered words of encouragement, volunteered their time at group runs, and shared their personal experiences that kept me going when I most needed a little boost. I am so filled with gratitude for all that you have done to not only dream a better world but to take action to see that one day we do live in a world without cancer. A world without cancer does not happen over night. Like running a marathon, or raising over $15,000 to support cancer research, It happens one mile and one donation at a time. Together we will get there. Thank you for being a part of this important effort and sharing this journey with me!
It was a hot day to run a marathon but it was a day with a purpose. We raised over $15,000 to support cancer research and Dana Farber' Ultimate Goal- A world without Cancer- and I completed the Boston Marathon! Below is a picture as I approached the finish line. Thank you to everyone for your support, encouragement, and generosity. Together we acomplished so much! I will be providing a final blog post once I have gathered all my thoughts! For now, I am enjoying some rest and relaxation!
It is here. We have arrived. Tomorrow at this time I will be moving with my Dana Farber Marathon Teammates towards Corral 6 in wave three (10:40am) as we prepare to begin our long awaited trek from Hopkinton to Boston. Throughout this journey I have thought a lot about the passage of time and have written about it on several occasions. Sometimes it has been the “hurry up and wait” experience of time. Other times it has been the “are we ever going to get there” experience with time. Sometimes it is the “I want this to last forever” experience.Today, it is “I cannot believe we are here.” I am always taken with the paradox of an arrival. It in many ways is both an end and a beginning. We have many logged miles behind us and our training is complete, yet we have a 26.2 mile journey remaining. We are ready. We are strong. Today we remember why we run.
Fundraising Update
As I have done every week, I will start with a fundraising update. Once again, you have helped me shatter every goal we have set together. This past week we crossed the $15,000 raised. As of today we have $15,285 and I still have checks to send in. WOW!!! I am in awe of the generosity of so many family, friends, co-workers and supporters. It is a clear reminder to me of the power of community when everyone chips in what they can for a better world. Our efforts are directly supporting Dana Farber’s Ultimate Goal- A world without cancer. Over the past 18 weeks I have learned from many of you how cancer has touched your lives and for many of you, Dana Farber played a critical role. Please accept my deepest gratitude for your support and for sharing your stories with me. It really has helped keep me going. Our efforts are making a difference!
Remembering
As I pack my bags and get my gear all together, I cannot stop and think of how this journey started and the reason I am running. Two years ago tomorrow, my dear friend Matt, lost his beautiful nephew to Ewing’s Sarcoma. The strength and courage of Josh as he faced this horrible disease and the strength, courage and commitment of my friend Matt and his sister and their entire family will forever be an example for me of enduring love. While I have run many miles in the last 4 months in honor of Josh’s memory, this pales in comparison to the journey Josh and his family faced. I cannot even imagine what that was like or what it is like to continue to live with his loss. So today while many are worrying about the heat predicted for tomorrow or the 26.2 miles that await us, I am simply honoring the memory of a very special boy named Josh, his family and my friend Matt, whom I love so completely. I will draw strength from their courage, and continued strength as they live each day remembering and honoring Josh.
In thinking about how this journey started, I actually found the email that I sent to my friend Matt and I thought I would share it because it certainly evidences the passage of time as well as the power of deciding to do something and how in time, it is possible to arrive. I wrote this email to Matt the day after watching the Boston Marathon last year on heartbreak hill.
April 19, 2011
Hello, Matt.
I am sorry I missed your call yesterday. I was in at the BostonMarathon. It was so exciting. My cousin ran and finished which was great! I have an idea that I want to run by you and see what you think. I was so inspired by all the runners yesterday and I kept thinking to myself that I want to do this race again and then kept finding reasons why I did not think I can. Then I saw all the people running by running in memory of someone for either Dana Farber or ChildrensHospital. I kept finding myself thinking of Josh and his battle and how strong he was and how strong you were to be right there with him. Of course I was on Heartbreak hill which truly tests one’s endurance. Perhaps this is why you and Josh were with me all day as I stood on the hill. It was so inspiring. Anyway, I found myself thinking that I would like to run in honor of Josh and in honor of your commitment to him-sticking by his side when it was so tough. You endured many heartbreak hills. When I got home I started looking and actually inquired for information from Dana Farber and then realized that next year, the Marathon falls on April 16th and I thought if this was something that you and your sister were ok with, I would really like to see if I can get accepted to run next year on the Dana Farber team in Josh’s honor. Clearly you guys would need to be ok with this and I would also need to apply and get accepted. I would also have a lot of training to get me to that level, but it is something that I think I can do if I work hard enough and stay the course. You would be my inspiration because you have such endurance!!
Love you,
Kerry
So here we are… it is April 15, 2012 and I will be running the Boston Marathon in memory of Joshua Navez Mejia. Matt and his sister were ok with me running in Josh’s honor. As I hoped, I was selected to run as a member of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. I trained hard over the course of the last 18 weeks and am ready to run 26.2 miles in whatever the weather brings and more importantly we have raised over $15,000 to support cancer research and Dana Farber’s ultimate goal- A world without cancer. My run and all the money raised will not bring Josh back. However, my hope is to simply honor his journey, his strength and his memory. So when I lace up my sneakers tomorrow and face the heat, the hills, and the 26.2 miles that separates Hopkinton from Boston, I will be thinking about Josh, his mom, his family and especially my dear friend Matt! I honor all of you more than you could ever know. I also will be thinking of the many people who have shared their stories with me. Cancer is a horrible disease and so many of you faced it and continue to face it with such courage. It will be the collective courage and strength of all of you and the support I have received from so many loved ones that will be pulling me with gravitational forces towards the finish! Thank you for sharing this journey with me!
With Gratitude,
Kerry D
Race Information:
If anyone is interested in tracking me during the race my bib number is 23121. My start time is 10:40am.You can receive text messages by texting the word RUNNER to 345678. This will then send you text alerts when I pass the 10K (6.2 miles), 13.1 miles, 30K (18.6 miles) and Finish line 26.2 miles. You can also see updates on the Boston Athletic Association Website by entering my bib number. They will provide updates every 5K (3.1 mile).
