Week 10: Tired Legs and Labored Lungs meet a Relentless Spirit

It is hard to believe that it is already February. I must say that I certainly picked a great year to be training for the Boston Marathon. Who would have guessed that we would have 40 degree days in February? Although, I say that cautiously because the hearty New Englander knows that Mother Nature can change her mind at any time and remind us of life’s unpredictability. So, for today I will simply appreciate the warmer weather that has made training easier, and at times, even enjoyable. However, I will also be ready for whatever may come our way because in New England anything is possible. As of today I have logged 283.1 training miles since December 12, 2011.

Fundraising Update

Each week when I post, I feel as if I lament about how “tough” the week has been. I am not going to do that this week. Quite simply, it is supposed to be tough. Training for a marathon and raising $13, 100 is not a small undertaking. So yes, it has been another “tough” week but it was also a week of major milestones in our effort to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal- “a world without cancer” so I am really seeing the fruits of our labor.  This week we passed the $10,000 fundraising goal and I logged my first 20 mile run!

Below is a picture of me with Chris Dubuc at our Dana Farber team run this past Sunday! Thank you to Chris and his mom Sandy for being out there supporting us while also honoring Matty. When I see the Dubuc Family, I cannot help but be inspired to want to do more, run longer, or suck it up when I need too (which is on most long runs). Perhaps it is because of their incredible strength in all that they have endured and continue to endure and the way they enter each day with such a deep commitment to honoring Matty while working relentlessly to make the world a better place for others. I am sure I am not alone when I say that when I see them I hear “Don’t Stop Believing” in my head. So a very special thank you to the Dubuc family for your inspiration!

This week I was so incredibly excited to see that we not only met my initial goal of $10,000 but that we are well on our way to reaching my double stretch goal of $13,100. When I say “double stretch goal” I mean that initially I felt $10K was a stretch. I was not sure how we would get there, but like running a marathon where you train mile by mile, with fundraising, it is your generosity one donation at a time that is bringing us to our goal.  WOW!! As of today, $10,661 has been posted to my fundraising page. This is $851 dollars more than last week when I posted. We are just $2,439 away from $13,100. As I look at these numbers I feel the same way I did when I was running the hills of Newton yesterday. I ask myself, “Can we really do this?” I pause, take a deep breath and tell myself “yes” and with a steady and sometimes slowed to almost a stopped stride, I put one foot in front of the other. I don’t always know how I am going to get there, but I can say with great confidence, we will get there. So thank you to each and every one of you that is helping to make this possible!! Collectively we are making great strides towards a world without cancer and in the process we are honoring the many loved ones in our lives that have faced or are facing such a horrible disease.

The Passage of Time

Yesterday I ran the longest distance that I have run since 1995 when I ran the Boston Marathon as a bandit with my friend Beth and my cousin Meg. This was 17 years ago. This was also the year that my dear friend Matt (I am running in memory of his nephew Josh) and I graduated from college. I spent a great deal of time on the run yesterday thinking about the passage of time and was filled with gratitude for my family and friends who have been on this journey with me. Years certainly slip by. I kept thinking that the first time I ran the marathon was 20 years ago. How can that be? I will also add the disclaimer that after 1995 I did not run regularly until 2010.

 It is amazing how much has changed since then. I remember training in weather that would keep most inside. We did not have the luxury of dry fit clothing. We kept warm by wearing garbage bags underneath our heaving cotton turtle necks and sweatshirts. However, when we finished our runs we had icicles on our eye brows and our faces were chapped from the winter winds.  We did not have fancy fuel belts to carry water and other items we may need. I actually remember a training run when Beth and I were attempting 18 miles. We used old tube socks to hold our water bottles and then used a shoe lace to tie the sock around our waste. Fortunately, there were smarter engineers working on this over the last years because the sock did not work very well. I think we actually threw them away about a mile or two into the run. We were young and just ran dehydrated.

We also did not have iPods; a luxury that college students of today cannot fully appreciate. We had clunky walkmans which I either carried or wore around my waist in a fanny pack. When they came out with “auto reverse” this was a huge improvement because we would not have to flip the tape while we were running. We had the choice of having a cassette tape of a favorite band or making a mix tape by recording either from the radio when songs played or by taping a song from tape to tape. The first time I ran Boston I actually ran to Billy Joel’s greatest hits. Billy Joel’s music will always have a special place in my heart.  In fact, many days I listen to “Allen Town” on my way to the gym or before a run. There is something about the rhythm and cadence that says to me “its time to get to work.” It is also part of a very powerful memory and metaphor that has anchored much of my adult life-we can do anything if we are willing to put one foot in front of the other and move towards a goal.

 I loved Billy Joel but after 4 plus hours, I realized if I ran it again, I would need to have more of a variety. I loved making mix tapes. It could take an entire day to get the songs in the right order. In fact, I think it was in 1995 that I mapped out the course and actually tried to order the songs on my mix tape so they would play at a certain point in the marathon. For example, I wanted the song “I saw the sign” by Ace of Base to play as I passed the CITGO sign in Kenmore Square. This was a major undertaking because it was really a giant math problem. I had to figure the length of the song and factor in my projected pace all within the context of a 90 minute cassette tape which meant that I would hear each song several times. This added to the excitement of the marathon when songs actually fell when I wanted them to. I don’t remember how it all worked. I do know that “I saw the sign” came at the right time.

Today we have dry fit clothing. We have Ipods and cell phones. We have fuel belts. We have GU gel. As members of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team, we have amazing volunteers that have water stops every three miles on our training runs. It is a drastically different experience, however many of the lessons are the same.I can't help myself from imagining what my post would be like twenty years from now if cancer research is supported in the next twenty years in the same way advances in technology have been supported and funded over the last 20 years. Twenty years ago, I did not have a cell phone. Actually I did not have a computer. Today, my cell phone tells me where I am with GPS, allows people to send me messages via email, Facebook, and text messaging. I would have never thought that was possible. So I am confident that we must continue dreaming a world without cancer and keep working towards it. It only remains out of our reach if we believe it to be and if we are not willing to stretch.

When Tired Legs and Labored Lungs meet a Relentless Spirit

 My lesson this week is not a new one. In fact, it is one that I have learned and relearned throughout my life. It is the lesson that is echoed in the words of Phil Riley, “just don’t stop.” This week, I was reminded that running the hills in Newton is more than challenging. Especially when you arrive at the hills after you have already run 16 miles. On our training run we ran the hills out and back which meant we hit hills on the 10 miles out to Wellesley and then hit the famous hills of Newton including heartbreak hill as we will meet the on the day of the marathon.  

Training is supposed to be hard. However, I am reminded that it is not just the body that we are preparing for such a challenge. In fact, if I had to choose a strong body or a strong mind, I think I would go with the strong mind, especially, when hills are involved. Fortunately for me, we are training both our bodies and our mind. Anyone that has run the Boston Marathon or who has watched runners from the sidelines anywhere along the hills in Newton knows that this is a test of mind over matter. It is a place where many runners slow to a walk. This is ok. The importance is that you find a way to release the relentless spirit that keeps you going.

I believe that while we train to run a marathon, we are really training to run miles 16-26.2. For me, this has been a place where my most tired self meets my strongest self. My legs are tired, my lungs are labored, but my relentless spirit is just awakening. I am aware of her presence in the moment that my stride has slowed its stride or even slowed to a walk so I can catch my breath. I recognize my fatigue because my muscles are not sure they can carry me. My lungs are labored and feel like they are on overtime. However, my relentless spirit is awake and reassures me that even if I am walking bristly for a moment, I will return to running and I will not only get up the hill, I will find my way to the finish line in spite of my tired legs and labored lungs.

Fueled by a Greater Purpose

Running as a member of the Dana Farber Team cultivates a relentless spirit. After all, I am not running simply because I want to finish a marathon. I am running to honor a very special boy named Josh. He did not have a choice when faced with cancer. He simply faced it with his family and my dear friend Matt by his side. I am so inspired by their love, strength and courage-their relentless spirit- and my training and fundraising aims to honor them and their grieving hearts. I have also learned about so many others who have battled or who are battling with this horrible disease and quite honestly, I just feel so proud to be part of such an amazing team.  When I think of Cancer it mostly makes me feel powerless. Running with Dana Farber makes me feel strong. We are doing what we can and at the core of my being, I believe we are making a difference. We are not only dreaming a world without cancer, we are relentlessly pursuing it. I am not quite sure how we will get there but my relentless spirit tells me that step by step, mile by mile and dollar by dollar we will get there. A world without cancer is possible and we are doing what we can to make it happen. Thank you for joining me on this journey.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 9: Sometimes We Need to Make Adjustments but there are No Shortcuts

Week 9 is officially behind me and let me just say this was a tough week. As I type that, I feel like that is a pretty consistent theme- “It’s tough.” This week, I really struggled to get the miles in and was not really feeling at the top of my game. I am very proud that while I struggled, I survived and quite honestly I believe I will be stronger because of it. Of course, the motivation of running for such a special and strong boy named Josh keeps me focused on our greater sense of purpose.  As I close out week 9, I have now logged 247 miles since December 12^th and 38 of those miles was this week. Wow! No kidding it was tough.  It is really a good thing that training is broken down into daily and weekly miles. It was just two short months ago that I sat here typing my first post. Had I thought too much about the actually enormity of what was in front of me, I think I would have been more overwhelmed. My “take away”-life is much easier when we break it into manageable steps.

Fundraising Update

As I type, we have raised $9810 with $9660 posted to my fundraising page. I have sent in two checks that have not posted yet. This is $350 dollars more than when I posted last week. So we are continuing to make great strides. I know I have said this before, but I am so incredibly grateful for all the support that I have received from friends, family and coworkers. You really help keep me going. After all, it is raising funds for cancer research that is the real purpose behind the madness of the miles. I will just share briefly and example of how much this helps. This morning I woke up early because I was going to be running 16 miles. When I woke, there was an email waiting for me. It read, “Congratulations you received a donation from…….” Here was my reminder of my greater sense of purpose. It moved me within moments from feeling like “I just want to get this damn run done” to “I am so excited to be running today because I am doing so much more than running.” So thank you to everyone who has already so generously contributed! I also want to encourage anyone that has not had a chance to contribute to think about doing so within the next two months. I really believe that we can reach $13.1K and to do so, we really need to stretch the boundaries of what we think we can do. All donations, both big and small help bring us closer.

Sometimes We Need to Make Adjustments

Running teaches me so much. I had high hopes of blogging more often in hopes of sharing my journey and experiences, but what time has demonstrated is that I can do this once a week. So I have tried to make my posts focus on an overall theme that emerged for me during the week. Week 9 has taught me that sometimes we need to make adjustments to our plans and more specifically to our training. However, adjustments do not mean shortcuts. I am someone that often thinks in both metaphor and in short stories so I will anchor this theme with a short story that a colleague shared with me during a meeting. This colleague was actually sharing a story that had been shared with her by a colleague who was retelling a story told by her pastor. Are you still with me? It is not important to know the origin of the story, other than it is one that has been retold because the meaning proved significant for a number of us this week. So, I too will retell it briefly.

The pastor explained to his congregation that he recently got a new car. This car was a standard, not an automatic. Now this pastor did not know how to drive a standard. I immediately connected with this story because my first “new car” was also a standard and I too did not know how to drive it when I first picked it up. He described the difficulty with trying to get the car to drive and as he told the story, he moved back and forth to motion the kind of bucking back and forth that takes place when you are not in gear. As my colleague was retelling the story, I had memories of being close to tears when I experienced this with my car because I felt as if I could not go anywhere. However, as the pastor continued on with the story, he explained that when he finally shifted it and it went into gear, things got smoother. This was like a magical “Ah ha” moment. The pastor’s telling of this story made the connection to life and how sometimes we feel we are not getting anywhere what we need to do is shift. Shift our place, perspective or perhaps our attitude.

This story stuck with me because this week I had to do quite a bit of adjusting with my running and most often I felt like I was not getting anywhere because I was so run down and quite simply, exhausted. Making adjustments is hard and I know that the image of bouncing back and forth in a standard really helped. Sometimes adjustments, even as slight as shifting a gear can make all the difference. So this week I decided to take Friday off from work as a rest day. I had not had a day off in a long time and my body was telling me that I needed it. Of course after making the decision to take Friday off to catch up on some rest, Mother Nature had different plans.

Our team run was scheduled for Saturday and all the weather reports were suggesting that we were going to have a snow storm. While I certainly appreciate the character building experience of running in challenging conditions, I was so run down that I did not think this would be helpful and perhaps could even move me from exhaustion to being sick. I did not want to chance it. So I made the decision to use my rest day on Friday as an opportunity to get in my long run. After all it was a beautiful day in the 40’s. I figured that this “little adjustment” would just mean that I would rest on Saturday.

I went out for a 16 mile run on Friday and even though it was a beautiful day; my body was not accepting this change of plans. I was incredibly tired as I ran and it was not a tired that I could push through, although, I did try. It was almost comical to look at my Garmin report after the run. Some miles were at an 8:20 min pace and others were at a 9:40 pace. It was almost as if I ran faster at times as a way to fight the fatigue yet I never felt like I was going fast. It more felt like the image of driving a standard without knowing how to shift. I felt like I was not going anywhere. Sometimes we need to listen to our bodies and this was one of those times.  I ended up cutting the run short and only logged 11.5 miles. This was really the wise thing to do because I really wasn’t sure if I had enough energy to walk the remaining 4.5 miles never mind running them. I was disappointed but once again I had to readjust my readjustment.

Saturday arrived and would you guess that when I woke, there was no snow. Go figure. I could have rested Friday and run with the team on Saturday. However, having logged 11.5 miles on Friday and not having actually rested, I did not attend the team run. This was a huge lesson for me in learning to adjust. Even when we have everything all mapped out, sometimes life has other plans for us. I rested on Saturday. I visited my beautiful Nephew which was a treat, but other than that I am not sure I accomplished anything. It was just the rest that I needed. However looming was the realization that I still had not logged a16 mile run.  

There are no Shortcuts

There are some weeks when less is more. This was not one of them. Next weekend I have a 20 mile run and quite honestly, I believe the long run is the most important one of the week. It is the run that not only tests our physical endurance, but more importantly our mental toughness. I was not sick and after a good night sleep on Saturday by Sunday morning I was feeling more rested. However, the price that I would have to pay for resting on Saturday would be running in single digit temperatures with strong winds and alone, or taking it inside on the treadmill otherwise know as the “dreadmill.” Neither is overly inviting. Some may think the treadmill is the easier of the two, while others would run in any conditions rather than be on a treadmill for that long.  I just think it is a different type of challenge. I choose to take it indoors because while it would certainly test my mental toughness running that long on a treadmill, I really did not think the cold air would be all that great for my asthma.

So today, I woke at 6am so I could properly hydrate. I arrived at the gym about 7:15am and was running by 7:30am. I was determined to log my 16 mile run. You do get a lot of funny looks when you run that long inside. In fact, I think there were 4 or 5 people that worked out on the machine next to me. I had to help myself get over the fact that I was making another adjustment by running inside. I kept thinking “maybe I should just go outside.” However, something told me to stick with my plan and run inside. I am so glad that I did.

The treadmill gave me an opportunity to really focus on keeping steady pace. It was getting it into the “right gear” which I hadn’t been able to do all week. Today I met with success-as boring as it was. The result was not feeling exhausted and I actually felt like I was holding myself back. Patience and persistence were my friends today.  I was only running about 10 seconds slower than I typically do, but this small adjustment made the world of difference. I also experimented with GU-gel which I now love and will be using on all long runs. Being on the treadmill also gave me the opportunity to really focus on so much that I don’t pay attention to when I am outside such as pace and stride. So I am glad with the choice I made and even more relieved that I have logged the miles.

The treadmill was an adjustment not a short cut. This week I had to make a number of adjustments, however I logged all my miles with a few extra. It may not have been as I planned but I have learned that sometimes making an adjustment or several can make all the difference in the world. I also learned that sometimes these adjustments get us to the proverbial finish line smarter and stronger but there are really no shortcuts.

In that same sense, there are no short cuts to dreaming a world without cancer. We cannot get there without research and research requires funding.  Recognizing this is what keeps my steps in stride and serves as the constant reminder of the importance of what we are doing by raising funds to support Dana Farber’s ultimate goal-a world without cancer. There are no short cuts. It requires our collective efforts and support. Thank you for being on this journey with me. We are dreaming a world without cancer and step by step, mile by mile and dollar by dollar someday we will get there.

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 8: Staying the Course in the Face of Doubt

Refueling at mile 15. 5 with some gatorade and words of encouragement from Steve. Thanks Steve!



As I finished our 18 mile Dana Farber team run yesterday, I realized that week 8 of my marathon training is behind me. This means as I enter week 9, I am officially at the halfway point in my training. WOW! Since December 12, 2011, I have run 209 miles. Some of these miles have been pure joy while honestly others have been close to unbearable. Sounds like life doesn’t it? As I train, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other. I try to embrace and appreciate moments of joy and when confronted with that which seems unbearable, I call on an inner strength that is fueled by our greater purpose-dreaming a world without cancer. When I feel like I cannot go anymore, I ask myself, can you give just a little bit more? My answer is always preceded by a deep breath and followed with a less than confident, yet still a “yes.” Before I move to my thinking this week, I want to bring the focus to our greater sense of purpose and that is fundraising for a world without cancer.

Fundraising Update

As of today we have collectively raised $9,460. This is $735 more than when I posted last weekend. I cannot begin to express my complete gratitude to all who have supported this effort. Our collective donations are growing into a powerful statement in support of cancer research. It is such a reminder of the power and possibility that exists when people come together to share the responsibility of not only dreaming a better world but making one.  As someone who has never been involved in fundraising  at this level before, I cannot begin to tell you the support role you play in helping me to “stay the course in the face of doubt” in my training. After running 209 miles over the last 8 weeks, I have to admit I get tired. There are days that I don’t feel like running. However, it seems that without fail when I experience these moments, I get an email notification that someone has made a donation to Dana Farber and my marathon challenge. It is the strongest reminder of the importance of what we are doing. It is like a shot of b-12 and I am ready to lace up my sneakers.

I will share with all of you that we are so close to my initial goal of $10,000; however those of you that know me, also know that I am someone that likes to push the capacity in all that I do. I am cautiously confident that we will hit the $10K and while I am so excited about that, what is brewing in my mind is that the next fundraising milestone is $13.1K which represents a half-marathon. I find myself doing the same thing I do when I run and feel like I am close to hitting a goal, I ask myself, “can you do a little more?’ I take a deep breath, and respond with a less than confident, but still a “yes.” As the expression goes, “nothing ventured, nothing gained.” So over the next months I will continue to reach out to see if I can get more people to support our efforts an push the capacity of our goal. If you have not yet made a donation, I would ask that you consider doing so over the next few months. Remember, donations of any amount help fuel the cause and bring us one step closer to a world without cancer. I also ask anyone that is reading this to ask anyone you may know that would be willing to support such an important effort. Please know how much I appreciate all your support. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Staying the Course in the Face of Doubt

The last two weeks of training have been extremely challenging for me. I work at a university and the start of school is always incredibly hectic. It is so wonderful to have students come back from break and to have the campus feel so alive. However, this increased intensity at work made it incredibly difficult to get in all the miles without feeling absolutely exhausted. Like most training weeks, I did not think of more than one day at a time. Life is so much more manageable this way. Although I must admit there were days that I was not sure Sunday (my rest day) would ever come. So as I sit and reflect this week the concept of ‘staying the course in the face of doubt” seems fitting.

For me, ‘staying the course in the face of doubt” is sticking to something even if you feel as if there is no end in sight. It is having the ability to believe in the presence of doubt. It is being confronted with your most tired, weary and surrendering self and calling upon an inner strength that resists and defies your body’s physical responses by simply putting one foot in front of the other and going just a little bit further than you think you can. It is recognizing that raising thousands of dollars and training for a marathon is supposed to be hard. The pains of today are experienced in progress tomorrow.  At least that is what I kept telling myself as I ran the hills in Waltham, Massachusetts yesterday. When my ugly self would raise her head, and she certainly did on yesterday’s run, I would ask myself, ‘can you endure just a little more for a world without cancer?” My answer is always preceded by a deep breath and followed with a less than confident, yet still a “yes.”

Most people that run have experienced their ugly self and I am sure many of you who don’t run may have experienced this too. I like to call this ugly self, Doubt. For me it is entering a space when I feel as if I have hit a wall. I am physically tired and my mind and body enter a great debate as to whether I can get over or around this wall. My muscles scream at my mind saying “hello, we are tired. We just rain 16 miles of hills. It is time to rest.” Doubt questions, “can I really do this?” My mind works relentlessly to control the physical responses with all of the tricks I have learned. I focus on small steps and forget the rest. I tell myself I am going to run one song at a time. I focus on the things for which I am grateful. I tell myself that I run for a greater purpose and there is an end even if it seems out of reach. I repeat slogans such as ‘just don’t stop,” “I am stronger than I think I am, “My reserve tank is still not empty,” and “I manufacture my own energy.” All of these things work for a while. However, there is this space where the ugly self emerges and joins forces with my tired body. Doubt is incredibly powerful especially when accompanied by tired legs and a mind that has been weakened by debate.

It is here that this journey and “staying the course in the face of doubt” becomes so much greater than the mind and body for me. While many talk about the mental toughness required for endurance sports such as marathons, I also believe that this mental toughness it is deeply spiritual. For me it is entering a space that recognizes while I feel like there is no end in sight, I still believe there is and end in sight. It is a sort of surrender but not to doubt or to tired muscles, it is to surrender to faith that I am strong even if I don’t feel like it and I will finish. This is also deepened by the greater sense of purpose in what we are doing as members of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team. The volunteers on our team runs also reinforce this with their incredible support, words of wisdom and simple reminders when we need it of why we are running. We could not do it without them and we could not do it without our friends, family and supporters. We are not simply training for a marathon (which is not a simple task); we are training to make the world a better place- a world without cancer. So when I ask myself, “can you do a little more?’ I take a deep breath, and respond with a less than confident, but still a “yes.” Week 9, bring it on!

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 7: Learning to Get out of My Own Way

As I sit down to reflect on this past week, I cannot believe that I have completed my seventh week of our 18 week marathon training. Time goes by so quickly. I feel like I am aware of this on a daily basis, yet when I stop to reflect I am amazed of all that happens within the context of a particular week. This was in no way an ordinary week for me and I did not get all my miles in.  If you read my blog post last week you know that I tackled the Derry NH, Boston Prep 16 miler last Sunday. Monday I was blessed with the birth of my nephew Jack. Monday was also the opening day of the spring semester at UMass Lowell which means we work long and hectic days all week. I was not feeling that great. Wednesday I had a root canal. So needless to say, my week was packed with excitement, blessings, and the challenge of having time to do all I needed and wanted to do.

Fundraising Update

I always like to start of my weekly reflections with gratitude to all of you who have so generously contributed to Dana Farber and the Marathon Challenge. It is this greater sense of purpose fueled by our collective consciousness and commitment that we can and we are making a difference that helps push me when I feel like I cannot take another step. As of today we have raised $8,725 to support cancer research. This is $225 more than we had last week. So I would like to express thanks to those of you who have joined our efforts. Each and ever bit helps. I like to think of us as a growing force asserting our strength standing strong in the face of cancer and shouting an emphatic “no more!”

I am someone who often thinks in metaphor. I will ask you to think with me about the power of our collective force and commitment with this as an example. As we look forward to the Super Bowl, I will use football as my metaphor. Imagine yourself in a crowded football stadium. You are shouting as loud as you can for your team. For those of us that are Patriots fans, imagine you are individually screaming “Go Pats!” In a sea of screaming voices, your individual voice may be hard to discern. Expanding this metaphor to life, this is why sometimes I think that we tell ourselves that our voice may not matter. We see our individual scream as a silent whisper. Or perhaps we convince ourselves that as one individual we cannot make a difference. Now, I would like you to imagine that as you shout “go Pats” other fans around you join in. As those sitting close to you join in, so do others sitting around your growing group. Before you know it, the entire section is screaming “Go Pats!” One section becomes two and then suddenly there is this powerful collective voice that echoes throughout the entire stadium, “”Go Pats!” In this same way, we become a collective financial force supporting cancer research. It is $5 from one person, $25 from another, $50 from another, and so grows our effort. Our voice becomes louder and louder. I thank you for helping to create a resounding roar, “cancer no more!”

Getting Out of My Own Way

Small steps, deep breaths and forget the rest. These are words I repeated in my head as I tackled some of the hills in Derry, NH last weekend. I am sure if you read my post last week, it is no surprise to read that I am glad that the Derry Boston Prep 16 Miler is behind me. I am pleased to report that the race went well. It was an incredibly difficult course. To be honest, it was probably the most difficult course I have ever run. It was an extremely cold New England January day. When the race began the temperature was in the single digits. When I got out of my car the temperature read 7 degrees. Of course, I could not complain, because my Dana Farber teammates had run the day before in the cold and in the middle of storm. I was glad to have met up Megan and Heather, who are two of my teammates who were also running the race. It really helped to ease the pre-race nerves. Heather and I actually ended up running together. It was great to have company on such a challenging course. Below is a picture of Heather, Megan and me.

The course traveled through winding and hilly picturesque roads of Derry that were covered with the newly fallen snow from the day before. When I was able to distract my mind from the slushy and icy pavement on which my feet carefully stepped in stride, I felt as if I were running through a Robert Frost poem in the same way that Mary Poppins was able to jump into a sidewalk painting. As I ran, I thought about the “Mending Wall” and “The Road not Taken” but mostly I kept thinking about how we often are the biggest obstacle to our own achievements. Honestly, I was afraid of this race and the hills. Once the race started, I really worked hard not to think about it. After all I was doing it. The hills and the course would be challenging enough. As we hit each hill, I realized that while the hill may rise before us, within us is this incredible force to face it, if we just get out of our own way. It is responding to the voice that screams “I do not think I have it in me to get up this hill” with, “I am stronger than I think I am.” One step, deep breaths, and forget the rest.” It also helps me to think of little Josh, for whom I am running and others I know who have or are struggling with cancer. They do not have the choice to not face the hill in front of them.

So this week my journey has taught me to get out of my own way. This is not easy to do, because we must first recognize the many ways we get in our own way. For me, it was recognizing that fear can paralyze my progress but only if I let it. It was also recognizing that I must work at pushing the capacity of what I think I can do because I am often the one standing in my own way. An example of this has been with my pace. I have always been a slow and steady runner. Some of this is because I have asthma and find it more comfortable to find a pace and stay with it. It was not until this past summer that finally ran a 5K under a 9 minute mile pace. In my head, I thought that I was simply a 9:30 minute miler and that was just fine with me. I worked this fall and tried to run under 2 hours for a half marathon. However, I always hovered a minute or so beyond the 2 hours.

The past few weeks this has changed. On our team runs I have run 12 miles and now 14 miles at a pace that is just under 9 minutes per mile. While I do believe that my conditioning has improved, I think the greatest change is that I started believing that I was capable of running under 9 minute miles. At first I looked at my watch and thought “oh no, I better slow down” and now I simply think “so what, I am running a little faster, I feel fine. I can do it. Keep at it.” I will add a disclaimer. I am not someone who is that concerned with pace. I really don’t care if I run a 10 minute mile or an 8:50 min/mile. It is how I feel that matters. I just have become very aware over these last few weeks that it is really important to first believe I can and to define my capacity as something that should be stretched, not static.

Pushing Capacity and Getting through the Wall

Yesterday on our group run we had a conversation that really exemplifies the idea of “getting out of my own way.”  I think there were four of us running together when someone asked, “have you ever just bailed out on a race or hit the wall?” In this group was someone who has run 18 or more marathons and two of us had run at least one marathon. All of us have run a number of distances. It was interesting that without hesitation we all answered with a resounding “YES!” It was also interesting that as we shared stories, it did not have to be a marathon to experience hitting the wall. We had all been there. However, from our own different experiences we all had learned a similar lesson and that is sometimes when you hit the wall  you experience your greatest strength. How is that for the power of paradox?

Distance running and running in general has taught each of us that there is a beyond the wall and even though there may be a point in a race or a run that we feel like we cannot go any further, our mind or “mental toughness” can help get us through the wall. It requires a sort of courage to work beyond feeling miserable and focusing on the possibility of feeling better on the other side. As I listened to my teammate’s stories, I was reminded that when faced with “our wall” whatever that may be, in running or in life we must first get out of our own way. We must recognize our doubt and fear but then be willing to suspend it and open ourselves to the idea that while we may feel like we hit the wall, sometimes we are our own wall.

I love these conversations when running because they serve as a reminder that the mind is a powerful force in anything that we do. This is not to minimize that sometimes the wall is physical. We must always listen to our bodies and make wise decisions about our health and safety when running or in life. This week, I have just become more aware of the many ways we can become our own obstacle and how complex the mind body relationship can be. So I will end there, with gratitude for all the support from my family, friends, and coworkers and for my teammates shared wisdom and experience. Collectively we are a powerful and growing force with many miles to go!

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 6: Perspective is Everything: Choose Your Lens

It is amazing how each week of this journey seems to present me with some pretty important life lessons and they come in such a variety of ways. However, before I get to this weeks thinking and in the spirit of being consistent, I would like to start with gratitude for all the support that I have received. As of today I have raised $8,500 and I was recognized at today’s team run for reaching the 8K milestone. This is very exciting and is such a reminder that I am only one but I am fueled by an army of supporters so thank you for all your support! We still have a distance to go, but our progress is consistent and strong!

My thinking this week all focused around the race that I will be running tomorrow. It is the Derry, NH Boston Prep 16 Miller. I signed up for it early on because I was told it was a great way to prepare for the marathon. I am also someone who works well with a combination of short term and long term goals so thought it was a great idea. Well, then a few weeks after signing up I was talking to a friend who runs very competitively and also happens to live in Derry, NH. I happened to mention that I signed up for this race and her response was, “Oh really, that is a very difficult course.” I paused a moment and said, “Well I am trouble if you think it is difficult.” So needless to say that over the last weeks this preparation race was becoming this major challenge in front of me. Quite honestly, I was scared of the hills. I will include a snap shot below of the course so you can appreciate my fear. Did I mention this is a 16 mile race?

I like to consider myself a pretty mentally tough person and one who has a healthy relationship with fear. In fact, I often repeat the words of Eleanor Roosevelt “We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.” So yes, I have been looking at this picture a lot this week and saying “hello, moderately challenging 16 mile hilly course. I am looking you in the face and will come at you one step at a time this Sunday.” Fear is not something that stops me in my tracks when it is connected to a goal. It is something that calls to me like an invitation awaiting an answer, looming patiently and present in my every moment.

It is no surprise that with this race’s pending challenge coupled with fear’s invitation, my mind was working on overtime to prepare me for something that I knew I WOULD do, but was not completely sure HOW I WOULD do with it. My thinking kept bringing me to my core belief that so much in life can be influenced by our perspective and the lens through which we choose to see things. This is probably no surprise to anyone reading this who knows me. I have been called a “snow globe” or “positive Patty.” However, there are several quick stories that I will share that helped bring this belief alive for me this week in the context of my day-to-day life. Not all these stories happened this week, but collectively they have shaped my outlook and helped me to re-frame my nervousness about the challenge that awaits me.

One Step at a Time

“One step at a time,” is something I always say. It is always easier to break larger things into small attainable steps. I do this in my personal and professional life, and I most definitely do this in running. When the miles seem too many, I try to think I am not running 16 miles, I am running five 5K races. This makes it more manageable. Or perhaps I am running one mile at a time, or as one song plays on my IPod. When the small step is attained I simply do it again.

Several years ago, a woman came into my office. I work at a University and this woman was the mom of a student who was having difficulty. To be honest, I do not remember the entire story of why she was in my office, but I remember the story she told me that day because it has stayed with me and given me the perspective I need on many days. She told me the story of when she was raising her children and they always wanted to do everything so fast. They would get disappointed when they could not do something on their first try. In an effort to help them see that some things take time, she would walk them to the bottom of the stair case in their house. Standing by there side, she would ask them to jump to the top stair. She explained that they would then look at her as if she were crazy. They would respond, “Mommy, I cannot jump to the top step, it is too far.” Then she would say, “Ok, do you think you can jump up to the next step?” The kids would say, “Yes” and jump up onto the next stair. She would continue with this until they reached the top. When they got to the top, she would explain to them “When you are at the bottom looking up, it may seem impossible. However, if you take one step at a time, before you know it you are at the top.”

I loved this story and from the first telling, I knew it would be a keeper for me. However, what made the story more powerful is that when the mom retold the story to me, her son was now a young adult. The mom had shared that when she was having a difficult time with things in her life, her son returned the lesson and walked her to the bottom of the stairs and said, “mom, let’s just jump one step at a time.” So, while I do not remember this woman’s name, I am reminded of the power of story because her story has resurfaced in my memory this week as I look at what appears to be a lot of stairs in front of me. I am going to take them one at a time.

“It is not Fear, but Excitement”

This is my second story and it is really a short one. I was at an Open House for work and I happened to be taking to a woman who has spent the last year or so running quite a bit. We often talk about the spiritual side of running. She really got into running after losing her husband who was a runner. In many ways, I believe running has been a way for her to connect with her soul mate who no longer resides here with us on earth. This is one amazing woman and she teaches me a lot about perspective. She is someone who embodies Eleanor Roosevelt words of looking fear in the face. Or the words of her husband, partner and soul mate, “just don’t stop.”

I was telling her about the race I had this weekend and that I would be glad when it was over because I had heard it was a really tough course and that I was afraid. She very quickly told me that maybe I was just excited. She shared that before races she always gets nervous and that instead of letting the nervousness take over, she simply tells herself that she is excited. So, I thanked her for reminding me that it is all perspective. I am afraid of the hills on Sunday, but I am going to reframe it as I am simply excited about the hills. When I run tomorrow, I will certainly be thinking of this friend of mine and her words of wisdom! Thank you, you know who you are.

“I like to think I manufacture my own energy”

Last summer a gentleman approached me at the end of spin class. He was an older gentleman who appeared to be in his late 80’s or early 90’s. However, I must admit, I never asked him his age. At the gym we were just two athletes so for me, it never seemed important to ask. At the end of class he came up to me and said “you look like you might play tennis. Would you like to play with me some time?” I had not played in years but I said, “Sure.” After playing a few times, we began to play 3 times per week at 6am. His spirit and energy was contagious. He had such an amazing outlook on life. He would spin, play tennis with whoever was around to play, and then he would lift weights. He was someone that seemed to have more energy than most.

One day when we were playing tennis after a spin class, I asked him, “Where do you get your energy?” He did not have to think about it. He smiled and responded “Well Kerry, I like to think I manufacture it.” I was so taken by this one sentence. Most of us think of energy as something we have or we don’t have on any particular day. However, this amazing man who seems to always have so much of it looks at it differently. He sees himself as the manufacturer of his own energy. So, tomorrow when the hills seem bigger than I am, I am going to repeat his words “I like to think I manufacture my own energy.” I will envision myself getting stronger with each step, not more tired. I will also see each sip of water as a refueling and also a method to manufacture more energy.

“You cannot decide that you don’t have cancer because the weather is bad.”

My last short story of the day will revolve around the idea that sometimes we have to just do what is in front of us, regardless of the conditions. Today, I did not participate in the Dana Farber Team run as a runner. Today I was a volunteer. I have the race tomorrow and while it may have been a good idea to just rest, but I wanted to take the opportunity to volunteer for the team. I am a firm believer that all members of a team play an important role and I am very appreciative of those who stand outside in all sorts of weather to support us. So I wanted to do my part, even if it was going to be 17 degrees and snowing out. So today, I was assigned to water/Gatorade stop 3 which was at mile 8. I worked with a wonderful volunteer named Patrick and really enjoyed getting to know him and his story. I look forward to many more team runs and am glad to have made another friend.

All the runners I saw today gave me great perspective. They were all out there running in what at times appeared to be blizzard like conditions. Snow was falling swiftly and the roads had yet to be plowed. Each step they took was challenging. Yet, as each arrived at the water stop they had smiles on their frozen faces. They were all filled with such gratitude for us being out there and not one complained. Talk about possibility and perspective personified. Yes, they were all cold, tired, wet and were dreaming of having these miles done. However, when I told them how great they were doing and how wonderful it was for them to be out there in the bad weather, many responded, “it is just what we do. These runs make us appreciate our normal runs.” Several others responded, “You cannot decide that you don’t have cancer because the weather is bad.” 

Ah, there it is. It is the reminder of why we are all running and preparing for the Boston Marathon. We are running in hopes that some day, there is a cure for cancer! Until then, we will keep on running one step at a time. We may not be able to jump quickly to the top step, but perhaps if we jump one step at a time together, one day we will look back and see that we made a giant leap that at one time seemed impossible. Thank you for all those in my life that continue to inspire me without even knowing. I am ready for tomorrow and I am stronger because of all your support. I will be meeting several of my fellow teammates at 9am. Look out hills of Derry. Here we come!

With Gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 5: We Are What We Do Repeatedly

The Passage of Time

Time moves swiftly disguised in a steady stillness that mostly goes unnoticed, yet in a moment seems to secretly surprise me. I have just finished my 5^th week of the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge 18 week training plan. How has five weeks already passed, I ask myself. Since December 12^th I have logged 133 miles. I have had some good days, some great days, and some not so great days. However, I continue to focus each day on getting in the miles I need whether I feel like it or not. I remind myself why I am running-I am part of a team that dreams a world without cancer and I am doing this to honor a very special boy named Josh. Then quite simply, I put one foot in front of the other and suddenly I have 133 miles behind me and have raised $8,250 dollars to support cancer research. Wow and thank you!

Sometimes when we are in the hectic nature of our daily lives we are just trying to figure out how we are going to get through the day while fitting in everything that we need to. Then suddenly we become aware that time stops for no one. I think it was John Lennon who said, “Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans.” While we are planning for and dreaming of a world without cancer, we also must actively and purposely seek it in our day-to-day lives, one step and one dollar at a time.  The idea of the passage of time and engaging in a disciplined routine has been the focus of my thinking this week. However, before I get to the thoughts and ideas that have fueled me on my runs this week, I want to share some exciting news.

Updates

I already shared our great fundraising success, but just because I like to say it, I will type it again. As of today, we have raised $8, 250 to support cancer research. So it is important for me to start with gratitude. All of my running is so much more than being prepared to run the Boston Marathon this April 16, 2012. It is a purposeful act, a sort of prayer in action that someday we will live in a world in which cancer does not dictate the time we have we our loved ones. Time does move swiftly and for those who have battled with cancer or watched their loved ones battle with cancer, they are all too familiar with how swiftly time can move and for them, it does not move unnoticed and it is not something we can get back. Each step I take is inspired by my dear friend Matt and his family and the many other families that have so bravely battled and continue to battle with cancer.

So as I reflect in week 5 on this part of my journey, I am so incredibly filled with gratitude to all my friends, family and coworkers who have so generously joined me in my efforts to do what we can to dream a world without cancer! You too are huge part of my inspiration.  You remind me that anything is possible when people come together to take a stand about what is important. Whether you can give $5, $50, or even $500 it is all part of a collective effort and each bit helps. So today we are $8,250 dollars and 133 miles strong and growing. It is one dollar and one mile at a time and one donation and one message of encouragement that brings us closer! We have many more miles and many more dollars to go, but we are well on our way. Collectively we are a powerful force!

Team Runs

Since I posted last (yes I need to get better at this), I have participated in two team runs. One in Watertown when we ran 14 miles some of which were on the actual marathon course. We tackled some of the hills in Newton. This was an incredibly challenging run for me and that is easier to say now that I am a week beyond it. It started off great and I was running with a teammate with whom I really enjoyed running. However, my asthma was getting the best of me. This combined with the hills and probably talking too much there were times I just could not catch my breath and my pace slowed to a walk several times. I finished the 14 miles, but have vowed to myself to learn the lessons in this run. I have to get better at running smarter especially when hills are involved. I will leave this for another post, but on January 8^th the hills of Newton got the best of me. I managed, but when I meet them again, I will be stronger. Look out hills; I will make you my friends.

I also had another team run yesterday on January 14, 2012. This is the greatest example to me that if we keep showing up and putting one foot in front of another we get to where we need to be. My run yesterday was great. I was armed with a new watch that could calculate my pace and help me run smarter. It was a very cold day and there was a headwind, but all these things just build character right? I ran twelve miles and it was probably the best twelve miles I have run. My overall average was under a 9 minute mile pace which is a very strong pace for me. In fact, there were many times during the run that I looked at my watch and we were going at 8:30 min/mile pace. “Really,” I thought. Then I would just say to myself, “I can do this.” I know this is not that speedy for others, but for me this was huge. I really attribute it to running with new friends who are also committed to such an important effort. I also recognize that some days we feel better than others. Of course it helped that my friends Sandy and Steve (both who have run with DFMC) were volunteering at the run. They brought good energy.

On the way home, I felt great. I am continuing to get to know more DFMC teammates who are wonderful. It is really an amazing team to be a part of and there is nothing better than running on a trail and hearing the collective sound of a group of runners who share both stride and sense of purpose. It has a sort of rhythm that is inspiring all by itself. However, the most important take away for me from this run is to be open to what any day or any run has to offer. I would not have expected that I would run well on a cold day, yet I did. The secret, I did not think too much about it. I thought a lot about why I was running and then just put one foot in front of the other and kept telling myself, “I can do this.” At the end of the run, it was cold and the head wind was stronger. I slowed but did not struggle too much. Ah, lesson learned from the run before-run smarter. Slow and steady is sometimes the solution. When I was done, I did buy some warmer at the Boston Running Company-the store that sponsored our run. I got some great deals but there is nothing like a cold run to turn an inspired runner into an inspired shopper.

We are What we do Repeatedly

I have titled this weeks post “we are what we do repeatedly” and it is probably time I get to the thinking I have done this week and it is deeply connected to this phrase. This is actually only part of a quote of Aristotle who so wisely said, “We are what we do repeatedly, excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.” It always amazes me how some themes are woven through our life and take on a different significance. When I was working on my dissertation which was on high performing urban schools, this was a theme that was integrated into the work at these schools. It is the idea that excellence is something that requires hard work, commitment, and continuous effort. It is showing up day after day even when you do not feel like it. It is not just saying, but it is doing. Parker Palmer would say “let your life speak out loud.”

Excellence is not an event or a one time act or performance. Although I do believe an act or performance can represent excellence, I believe at the core it is living excellence in all of its imperfections. The habit is what we do repeatedly regardless if excellence is what we seek. I agree with Aristotle that which we do repeatedly is who we are. If it is not, we should change what we do. Actions do speak louder than words and while words are important and can move people to act, it is actions that bring about change. If we are defined by what we do repeatedly what is it that we do repeatedly and how are our actions consistent with the person we want to be? How is that for giving us something to think about? Thanks Aristotle,  Parker Palmer and John Lennon.

Why is this significant to me now and during this journey? Well, there is nothing more repetitious than running and especially when during the week a great deal of my running is on a treadmill. This magnifies the repetition because there is not much that changes during the run. Yet I keep going. Maybe the speed or the incline or the person on the machine in front of me may move, but for the most part I am simply running to log the miles. I have tried to re-frame this boredom as part of my training. It is an exercise not only for my body as I run 5-8 miles, but for my mind in enduring what is not always enjoyable and sometimes that which seems barely tolerable. I work hard to use that time and to view that time as a gift. It is a gift to me to have time for me in my day and a gift to others because it is really about training for the marathon as a means to raise money to support cancer research. So I have been thinking deeply about Aristotle’s words “we are what we do repeatedly” and how this has taken on all sorts of significance this week and in my training.

First, I am joined by many in the gym who because of the New Year are trying to create those habits which will help to define their newly envisioned self. I am also very aware of how hard this is. It is not the idea of getting fit or in a more broad sense, how we make the world a better place that is the real challenge, it is making the “idea” a practice that is the greatest challenge and this has provided fodder for my thinking this week. I have been viewing my running and the repetition of running as an act of the person I want to be. Not because I want to run 26.2 miles, but because of what it means to be running with the Dana Farber Marathon Challenge Team and being part of an effort to dream a world without cancer. The theme-purposeful, repetitious steps and habits aimed at having actions match our values-supporting research brings us closer to a world without cancer.

I would also like to share what I believe is a great example that a dear friend of mine posted on Facebook. It was sort of a New Years Challenge. This friend of mine is very involved with supporting both Dana Farber and also Children’s Hospital. In fact, she organizes blood drives all the time in memory of her son, Matty. In many ways, my friendship with this person has inspired me to do more. In fact, I am sure if I thought about it long and hard, she is probably one of the motivating forces in my decision to run with Dana Farber to honor Josh. She is someone who exemplifies “we are what we do repeatedly” because every day she is working to make the world a better place while honoring her son, Matty.

Here is her challenge. Are you up for it? 

  “Rather than a New Year's resolution, how about a New Year's challenge? I challenge you to commit to donating blood every 8 weeks for Children's Hospital  Boston. I have the year's worth of blood drives in place, the first one starting on January 31st at St. Louis School, Lowell, 1-7pm. Who's with me??”

 Here is the link for anyone who may be up for Challenge:  www.halfpints.childrenshospital.org.  

I have asked myself many times this week, “if we are what we do repeatedly” how does what I do repeatedly represent the person I want to be and the world in which I want to live. This is more of a rhetorical question and one I believe that can only be answered with lots of reflection and action. I suppose it is a good thing that I have lots of time to think when I run. So for now I will just leave you with this last thought. I believe that we collectively value a better world and one without cancer. What do we do and what are we willing to do repeatedly to make that a reality?

With gratitude,

Kerry D

Week 3 & 4: Holidays, Friendship and the Power of Personal Stories

I am a bit behind in updating my blog. Since my last post on December 23, I have logged 64 miles and raised an additional $800 towards my fundraising goal of $10,000. I am $2,500 away from that goal which means I am now at approximately $7,500. The passage of time is certainly a sign that I need to really work on incorporating my writing as part of my training because so much seems to happen in the context of any given week.  However, I must admit that during the busy hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it was incredibly challenging to get in all the miles, never mind to find time to sit down and write up my thinking that was evolving on these runs and through my conversations with so many of you who have been so supportive of my efforts. Today, I am back on track and promise to be better at updating this blog. I have included a snap shot of the miles logged since December 12, 2011 when I officially started my training. To date it is a total of 94.5 miles and 64 since I last posted.

Miles I have run since 12/23/11 1 taken from My Daily Mile

Christmas Eve Run

On Christmas Eve I needed to run long and there wasn’t an organized Dana Farber Team run. Well, there was an unofficial run that one of my teammates was organizing, but this was an hour away and I was not sure if there would be anyone running at my pace. I decided not to drive an hour because there was great possibility that I would only end up running alone. I was very fortunate that a good friend was willing to run with me (Thanks, Devo). It was a bit chilly and I was very grateful that Devonna was willing to go out and run 12 miles with me. Especially because she is not training for anything in particular and certainly did not need to run 12 miles in the cold. I was very appreciative of her. I thanked her many times on the run because long solo runs can be very challenging and to have a friend to run with is truly a blessing. We did joke several times because neither of us says too much when we run. For me, there are times that I actually enjoy the solitude, but most often I just like the company of someone else, even if it is a shared solitude.

Here is a picture of Devo and me after we finished our run. It was such a great feeling to be done and to look forward to time with family and friends.

December 24, 2011

The Arlington Street Church, Boston Massachusetts

After the long run and a hot bath, I was ready to enjoy Christmas Eve with family and friends. This is now my third year going into a Christmas Eve Candlelight Service at the Arlington Street Church in Boston. It has become a very special tradition and there is a group of about 10 of us who meet at the Park Plaza Hotel and then head over to the service. For anyone who has attended this service, you probably know what I mean when I say it is simply magical. It is like going to the well. Each year I have attended, I leave feeling grounded, connected and empowered. Kim Crawford, who is the minister, has the ability to deliver an incredibly powerful sermon that embraces the complexities and chaos of the world in which we live with clarity and compassion and through the stories she shares, she reminds us of the power we have in our own lives to make a difference. This year’s sermon was entitled “Glory” and she so powerfully expressed how we can experience both glory and “awe” in our every day lives. I think this is what I love so much about Kim Crawford and her sermons. She is real. She believes that spirituality exists in our everyday lives and through our interactions with others.

This year I have accepted the fact that it is unlikely that I will drive to Boston to attend services. However, I am very pleased to share that her sermons are available online from the Arlington Street Church website so I will be listening to her powerful words more often. On the agenda for the next few weeks will be to listen to “Taking the Road Not Taken.” Of course I was drawn to this because of my love of Robert Frost. I will also be listening to “First Things First” because of my love of Steven Covey and many others who share the “first things first” philosophy. The others I will be listening to are “Wonder,” “Do it now,” “Abundance in Scarcity,” and “Look.”

You might be asking how is all this relevant to running the Boston Marathon and raising money for Dana Farber. Well, quite simply I do not believe that running is only a physical journey and one in which I build mental toughness, to me running is also a spiritual journey and this has been magnified as I have linked my running to such an important effort-finding a cure for cancer.

The Power of Personal Stories

Over the past few weeks and in particular during the holidays, I think what has impacted me the most is the many stories that so many of you have shared about loved ones who have battled with cancer and how this has impacted your families. I am also surprised how many people I know have been treated at Dana Farber and I did not know. One of the most powerful messages I received shortly after the holidays was from someone whom I respect greatly. I had sent this person my fundraising letter and this is the response I received (I have changed it a bit for the privacy of the person).

Hi Kerry,

I just wanted to share a couple of thoughts with you.  I would be honored to donate to your Marathon Challenge.  As you already know, I am a very familiar with and am a huge supporter of the Jimmy Fund and the Dana-Faber Cancer Institute.  When my child was diagnosed, the Jimmy Fund and Dana-Farber were world class cancer institutions, but in spite of having the best care and treatment, there was no cure. 

I would always smile when people would tell me that they would pray for him and my family, because it is not the prayers that help.  The real source of any advancements and cures will come from research and money.  So you are a true hero, putting all you efforts and strength into such a worthy cause.  No child should leave us too soon.  So that being said…………………

Come April, you will strap on your running shoes and take to the road.  May your legs stay strong, your feet glide across the pavement and the wind be at your back.  And mothers and fathers like me will always know the real sources of any research starts with great folks like you. 

Anonymous

Action as Prayer

This is exactly what I mean about running with Dana Farber becoming a spiritual journey for me. I am not someone that goes to church often. In fact, like many I struggle greatly with organized religion. This is not because I lack spiritual strength; in fact I would argue it is my spiritual strength that initiates and perpetuates the struggle. As I read this email, I found myself imagining what would it be like if instead of simply saying that we are praying for someone (which I do often) that we actually purposely did something aimed at helping the challenge someone was facing.

This seemed so consistent with the message of Kim Crawford’s sermon. I found myself thinking that alone I cannot individually find a cure for cancer. I also cannot bring back the many loved ones who have left so many of us to soon. However, I can do my part and what I can. As I read and reread this email, I realized that we all need to do a lot more when we can. I was reminded of Oprah Winfrey’s last show where she told us that we must all know and accept our sphere of influence and to know our own stage and use it. We may not all be talk show hosts with a large audience, but we all have our own stages and spheres of influence. I was also reminded of the visual of the candlelight service when the Arlington Street Church is completely dark. Then with the light of one candle the light is past. Very soon with the light of many candles the church is completely bright. In my thoughts this all seemed to come together. My running was a very physical act of prayer. I was not just praying for something to get better, I was making action (running and fundraising) my prayer. My light (running and fundraising) was not alone. It was accompanied by the efforts of all my Dana Farber Teammates. Collectively, we make one powerful force and this collective force is fueled by our many supporters.

So as I got through week three of training, this email fueled my runs. I actually found myself saying the words in the email over in my head as I ran. Then when it came to my long run on New Year’s Eve morning, I found the email message even more powerful than it had been during the week. My long run this week was going to be 14 miles. The route that I mapped out was actually 15 miles. I was going to be running alone. It was cold and I needed to run in the morning and it was also raining. I got up, had my coffee and breakfast at about 6am. I was going to run at 9am but needed to get hydrated and fueled up. My mom thought I was crazy. It was raining out and my run would have me out there for over 2 hours. While I certainly had the option of going to the gym and logging the miles on the treadmill, this did not seem like an option. I pulled up the email on my cell phone and read it to my mom. It was then that my eyes filled up with tears and I said, “I have to run because I am not just running for me.”

Off I went, in the cold and the rain. If anyone knows me, I really do not deal well with the cold. The route I ran was hilly. I had dressed appropriately, although the damp cold and at times freezing rain really made it difficult. As I approached each hill, I imagined the many people who have shared with me their experiences with cancer and I would say, “This is for Josh, or for my friend Matt (Josh’s uncle) or for ____________ (the many names of your loved ones that you have shared).” As I ran, I felt so aware of the great absence that many of you experience in your daily lives and even more during this holiday season. The hills I faced paled in comparison the the mountain of grief you face each day. With this in mind, I did not have any trouble getting up the hills that day and when I felt doubt creeping in, I would ask myself “how much are you willing to do to find a cure for cancer,”  I would take a deep breath and keep running one stride at a time. 

I do believe in the power of prayer. Not in the sense that prayer makes our challenges disappear, but in the sense that through prayer we can find strength to face what seems impossible. For me prayer is a conversation. It is a relationship. It is something I do when I run and now I also think of it as something I am doing when I am fundraising. It is a purposeful act to do what I can so someday families will not have to have a loved one leave us too soon. Thank you for all your inspiration and for helping me in this effort. We can dream a world without cancer but it does take more than prayer, it takes action. What are you willing to do for a world without cancer?

With gratitude,

Kerry D